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Comic profile: Fantomah Rising
Fantomah Rising
Mystery Woman of the Jungle
Comic avatar
Profile
Content flags: Violent Content
Comic language: English
Genre: Horror
Activity status: On hiatus
Archive url: Visit archive
Statistics
Last update: 30th Aug 2016
Number of comics: 18
Number of subscribers: 5
Visitors: 584 visitors (4290 pages viewed)
Rating: 0 (0 votes)

Comic description

Fantomah, Mystery Woman of the Jungle first appeared in Jungle Comics #2, Feb, 1940. The first superheroine, predating Wonder Woman by about a year. Since Fantomah never had an origin story, I decided to give her one, so here it is!

Authors

Lee Lines
Lee Lines
I've been suppressing an urge to draw comics long enough!

Most recent comments left on Fantomah Rising

Lee Lines
5th Oct 2016
Lee Lines
Critique from Lt. Locust.

I can throw in my two cents! Starting with your comic profile. Here's the description that you give:

A long belated origin story for Fantomah, Mystery Woman of the Jungle.


I think you should re-word that. Profiles are one of the first things people might see about your comic, so here's your chance to hook them! "Mystery Woman of the Jungle" sounds a little...blah. It sounds very generic, and your description sounds like an afterthought, especially with "belated" thrown in.

Your website is also fairly generic, so it might be nice to fiddle with the HTML to make a unique design to suit your comic. I notice you have other comics, so you could always add links to your other comics so people can easily click, instead of having to backpedal to your profile before accessing them.

You only have 16 pages, so I was going to comment individually. Keep in mind I'm quite the amateur and not an expert by any means, and these are just my opinions to take or leave as you please. My style is a little nitpicky, I think, but please don't get discouraged. :)
Left on Fantomah Rising Cover
Lee Lines
30th Aug 2016
Lee Lines
"Critique by Lt. Locust."
Critique by Lt. Locust.

I really enjoy revenge stories, so I did enjoy some aspects of this story. I usually root for the protagonist, but I found myself not liking Fantomah. She's a spoiled princess who caused the death of all her people (possible with the exception of some children). And the Goddess who should have been enraged at her for killing so many followers...rewarded Fantomah's stupidity with god-like powers. So far, it looks like illusions, control over powerful animals, changing her size, dematerializing, transporting, producing bright flashes of light, and athletic prowess. This is a massive amount of power, so watching her destroy a cult by taking out some people via animals and then presumably the rest via dormant volcanic activation (another power!) seems a little like overkill?

I notice you draw fairly shape-conforming outfits on all your ladies, but there still seems to be a fair amount of lady posing of your bad guys. Whether it's the lady-bum projecting from the mouth of an angry alligator, or your ladies bowing down towards the fire and away from the camera so all their bums are in the air, or even the lady guard herding the children near the end of the comic (but wearing a dress that only covers the top half of her bum). A bit of an older trope for bad guys is that if a woman is sexual, she's probably a bad guy. All your bad guy men seem to have their bums covered, either with a long tunic or a loincloth. Fantomah goes between a long dress in the beginning to a nightgown that goes to her mid-thighs, so she's dressed more conservatively. Because she's the only surviving adult woman protagonist, it's hard to tell, but it's like the less clothes a woman is wearing in your comic, the more likely they are to be evil. Meanwhile, the Goddess Isis (who is pretty Good herself) has a longer dress as well. In saying that, I thought the cultists dancing naked around the sacrificial fire was pretty cool.

Dialogue: Improved as the comic went on! As I said before, I think you should try to centre your speech more - not manually, but with some kind of program. Maybe try using rounded speech bubbles instead of square boxes. Try to keep a bit of space between your words and the speech bubble outline. It would be super-easy to differentiate between the narration boxes and the speech bubbles if they were different shapes, different justifications, or even if your narration boxes were shaded. Also, the chanting text was done in the colour red, but colour doesn't appear for the rest of your comic. I think it seems a little out of place, so maybe that would be better if it were just black.

Perspective: I notice some of your backgrounds seemed a little "raised", if that makes sense. As in, we're looking directly straight at the characters, but the backgrounds seem to be on a different perspective, where our views come from an elevated position. Maybe if you check out some references of interiors, you can see the difference. I like the details you put into backgrounds, however. Really places you inside the world you created. But don't be afraid to use more establishing shots so we can see where everyone is. For instance, when Fantomah spoke with Dano, I thought he was down by the lake because your splash page only showed Fantomah and the greenery surrounding her (including the lake behind her).

Characters: I like some of the designs. Fantomah in the beginning and Houran's outfit. I really dig Isis and Anubis. I'm also digging your animals, and the dynamic poses you place them in. I like the skull mask that comes over Fantomah's face when she transforms, but I kind of wish her outfit was "cooler". Like, she's still in the outfit that she died in, which is a nightgown. If she still had the stab mark, that would be cool, but because she's been reborn, I think she should have a costume change. (This is totally my opinion!)

Fantomah is the only character we've seen consistently, but I feel she's written somewhat inconsistently. I also feel she's pretty over-powered, to be taking on regular humans.
Left on Fantomah Rising pg 17
Lee Lines
30th Aug 2016
Lee Lines
"Page 17."
This completes the story, but I have plans for revisions later on.
Left on Fantomah Rising pg 17
Lee Lines
17th Aug 2016
Lee Lines
"Critique"
Critique by Lt. Locust.


Page 16: OOOOkay! So the jungle is part of an illusion that Fantomah can create. I wish that had been more clear before, because it just looked like a normal scene by the side of the river when this scene started. But now it makes sense how Dano was able to see her and yet still be in the village. But what about the body of water that had been behind her when she was sitting in the tree? Was that part of an illusion as well? Also, in the panel where she's fading away, her legs look really weird. I'm not sure if you posed her to fit in the panel, but she looks like a barbie doll here, sitting by the poolside.
Left on Fantomah Rising pg 16
Lee Lines
17th Aug 2016
Lee Lines
"Critique"
Critique by Lt. Locust.

Page 15: Whoah, there's survivors? Interesting! But why are they children? You'd think followers of Beelzebub would sacrifice children first. Not only that, but Fantomah was on a mission of exploration at the beginning - why are there children travelling with this caravan? Unless they're slaves, it seems odd to bring extra mouths to feed on such a journey. Wow, really digging that last panel, though!
Left on Fantomah Rising pg 15