silently-vocal:If you have the time, a review on Head of Dynamite, my godawful sprite comic, would be appreciated
I like the title.
1. Funny. A little hard to read, both due to small figures and small letters. I'd have zoomed on the figures a bit. The bear is CLEARLY a cat, and not a bear. The last balloon is very cramped, and there's no reason -- you have a TON of room for a bigger balloon. You should also try to be more consistent with balloon white space to words ratio.
2. This one's a little scattershot and dry, but what I really don't get is the super-zoom in panel 3.
3. We should see the other murderer in panel 4. I had to read it twice to figure out who was talking.
Overall: #1 was the smartest, funniest strip. The comic is mostly mildly amusing but lacks visual clarity at times. The choice of typeface and point size are eyestrain-inducing. All caps at a larger size would be much appreciated.
Mister W:Thanks for the review it was very thorough. Thanks for the tips as well. I'm fighting the urge to rely to each point you made I don't feel like that's the idea of this. I appreciate the time you put into this critique.
You're welcome, and feel free to reply to any and every part if you like. THERE ARE NO RULES! EXCEPT POST YOUR BLOODY LINKS, PEOPLE!
Mayyday:For all I know, I already do. There'd be no way of knowing.
Mine actually works this way too; it supposes that all the fantastic things we read about in comics have more or less happened, and we're all under a mass spell so we never remember it. Like the Silence in Doctor Who meets the hidden history in Planetary.
JustNoPoint:I would actually like to counter critique a bit.
In this image you are adhering to that mediocre mind rule too much. You can cover art if it helps the flow of the page. For this panel in particular stuffing the balloons in the non character space so much makes the images appear off balance and crowded. It also makes it harder to read the text along with the direction the image travels. Instead it makes you look at the image, then find the text and read it separately.
In most cases your mediocre mind strip is correct. But in a story comic that needs the readers eyes to follow a certain flow it's not always optimal.
I actually meant for the viewer to look at Oberon, down to James' dialogue, up Oberon's thigh to Cheri and her line, then to Julia's line, then down Julia's thigh to the panel two. And no, it doesn't really work; a better composition would have pushed Oberon further to panel 1's left, leaving room for James' dialogue above his own head.
And I just turned 32 this April ;_;
What? Then screw it -- I don't have to listen to you, OLD MAN!!!
Mister W:I'll take a review if you have the time. I update every Saturday and have only been doing this for 4 weeks but I'd like to hear what you have to say. Well, I guess I'd be reading it not hearing it but you know what I mean. zerO cool
Title: doesn't communicate diddly, but it's vaguely memorable, so that's good.
1. The first two panels are VERY well drawn for this sort of venture, especially the silhouette work in panel 1. The last panel is a bit slanted and mushy in its construction, and I don't know that realism is what you should be aiming for in a close-up -- I don't think it suits the style.
There are other issues with the letters/balloons; in panel, his crotch is speaking to us. GOTTA AIM AT THE MOUTHS, per Will Eisner WHO IS BETTER THAN ALL OF US. COMBINED.
Also, I hate the typeface.
Also, why is he talking to himself? Jon Arbuckle usually has a cat nearby as an excuse; this guy needs an excuse.
2. Solid work here; though I'm not sure the sunglass fidgets are the most realistic reaction, they are a great metronome for the passage of time here. I'd like to see some of the props getting knocked aside in the BG.
3. Looks good, expressive. His inner elbow seems to be impressed by the damage...
4. He seems to have gotten 15 years younger with hair 10 times cooler. Also, his monologue is now thought bubbles. I hate those, but they're passable in comic strip format. If you're going to use them, you might as well turn his thoughts in the first strip into actual thoughts to match.
5. Expressive and well-told. The foreshortening in panel 2 could be better.
How are you deciding what is spoken and what is thought? It seems jumbled and inconsistent.
6. Your style(s) is/are very inconsistent here. In panel 1 he's a Venture Brother, 2 could almost have been drawn from a photoref, 3 he's somewhere between Steve Dillon and Mike Weiringo... gotta watch that. I have similar trouble; look at Cheri's face here (the short blonde cop):
...panel 1, she looks (and is) drawn from a photo, 2 she becomes a horrible cartoon, 4 she's passably realistic enough to semi-match 1, and 5 doesn't look anything like the precededing ones. My style is still stabilizing, but at least I'm aware. If you're not, then GET aware.
7. First off, this strip looks MUCH better in B&W. Second, in the top panel, WHY IS HIS INNER ELBOW SPEAKING TO US AGAIN?
Will Eisner wrote a book or two about making comics properly. Read those. Please. Everyone.
Bottom level, her shoulder speaks to us. Also, this strip ends on a promise of something else to come, but in a very flat way. It's not clear who's speaking or what's at stake, so there is no motivation to go to the next strip. None.
8. Very well done. Excellent pacing and expressive art. Style(s) is/are still inconsistent, and he appears to have flippers for arms and be melting in panel 3, but it works overall.
Overall: moody and expressive, if inconsistent, art. Solid writing, despite random flip-flops between inner and spoken dialogue. Despite the poorly paced flashback dragging the experience down, 8 ends strong and I'd like to know what happen next.
KarolinaJones:I can give you my only own personal experience with doing parody/fan fic stuff.
We thought of doing a The Guild Facebook web strip. After contacting Kim Ivey and getting the go-ahead, we began producing the strips, posting them twice weekly. They became pretty popular fairly quickly. After the first couple weeks we had over 200 fans without doing any sort of sharing or promoting at all beyond just posting the strips on the facebook page.
Well, after seeing the strips grow swiftly in popularity, Miss Ivey messaged us and asked us to put the kibosh on the project (her exact position was that she wouldn't mind if we did one strip every six months or so, but the speed and amount at which the strips were being released -- she feared that it could confuse people about their IP, etc). Since we were doing it as an homage and because we really liked The Guild, there didn't feel like a reason to argue the point. Would have been sort of counterproductive to the purpose. lol We politely told all of the fans that we'd been asked to stop doing the strips with the frequency we were doing them so we felt it better to just eliminate the project altogether and work on some original projects instead.
I actually still have the fan page in non-published mode. So I figure if/when we ever create something that is The Guild-esque, we can activate the page again and perhaps those fans will be into it. So it's not a complete loss.
A world in which hot faerie chicks in stolen leather dresses flash their crotches at anyone and everyone? Heck YEAH, I -- oop, I just got killed by one of Eternal Knight's many horrible, evil villains.
CrackaWindow:Well I guess I'll drop my comic here, on the off-chance you get to it... With five pages of thread, I'm sure you have quite the queue. Oh well, it never hurts to try. And I need all the help I can get.
I will get to EVERY comic posted here. Promise. It'll be a few weeks, but PROMISE.
dougwarner59:Because even if you do find a job you love, there will still be times that you will find yourself doing something you hate.
I hate my day job, answering phones. But I have been hired to draw someone's comic at a decent page rate -- not enough to pay the bills at the speed the project will start at, but enough to reduce my day job hours. So, yay.:)
LooeyQ:Thanks a lot for the review!! I just wish you didnt skip the middle, LOL, you missed out on the Evil Bread chapter! I think its the best thus far.
I'll probably read it at some point; enough of your strips were impressive enough that I know there's some entertainment to be had in the middle. I got a little obsessive (as is my wont) with Datachasers; I really don't have the time to do that with every comic I review.
Mad dog is supposed to feel like a gag strip at first but when you read it in order it tells an adventure story. So Im not aiming for sunday style strips, only I show it like that so the adventure element catches the reader off guard and is some what surprising!
And that ploy works well for you, but I feel like if you choose a gag strip style, you owe the audience more consistent gag strip timing. Calvin & Hobbes was able to balance both at once. The adventure never cost us jokes, and the jokes never cost us adventure.
If this was a more dramatic venture, then it would be fine to abandon the familiarities of the pacing of the form. Or if were it were more abstract. But it's neither -- despite the clever juxtaposition of adventure in a humor format, it's fairly straightforward.
And that's fine, but because of the way it's built, ending a strip on a payoff-free AND joke free setup is just frustrating for me as a reader. It denies my expectations, but doesn't pay that off with anything new in return. A gag strip -- or comic page of any kind, really -- should never pay off before the final panel, and then leave us with no joke, no cliffhanger, no nothing but waiting for the next one.
It needs to build up to a punch; it can't just tell us there's a punch coming on the next page.
I hope that was helpful. And in case anyone is wondering, I could easily write a long review nitpicking my own comic. I'm aiming for perfection and coming up human, and I know that. My high horse is a sober pony.