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Forum > Critique > Looking for Critique Please: Ocean Labyrinth
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"Looking for Critique Please: Ocean Labyrinth", 20th May 2012, 4:48 AM #1
Blaeringr♂

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Ok, so we've just finished up the prelude chapter and I think now would be a good time to review as well as get some more extensive feedback. This is the first webcomic I've ever drawn, so I'm really at a point where I feel very experimental and not yet settled with my techniques.

Story was written by sawyerLUVSyou and I did the drawing, so a lot of what I'm hoping to get out of this is critiquing the visual aspects. For instance, near the end shortly before she blacks out, I changed the look to be more and more hazy and gritty, and I'm curious how that worked for readers.

So here's the link to the first page: First Page
And here's the synopsis:
A day at the beach turns into a desperate escape back to her family, when Karen falls down a sand cliff. She meets a bat in a sea cave and comes out to an apocalyptic version of her world. She must find her way home and battle her inner demons. Nothing will ever be the same. Story and characters by sawyerLUVSyou, illustrated by Blaeringr.


Appreciate the feedback :)
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20th May 2012, 4:51 AM #2
sawyerLUVSyou♀

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Blaeringr:Ok, so we've just finished up the prelude chapter and I think now would be a good time to review as well as get some more extensive feedback. This is the first webcomic I've ever drawn, so I'm really at a point where I feel very experimental and not yet settled with my techniques.

Story was written by sawyerLUVSyou and I did the drawing, so a lot of what I'm hoping to get out of this is critiquing the visual aspects. For instance, near the end shortly before she blacks out, I changed the look to be more and more hazy and gritty, and I'm curious how that worked for readers.

So here's the link to the first page: First Page
And here's the synopsis:
A day at the beach turns into a desperate escape back to her family, when Karen falls down a sand cliff. She meets a bat in a sea cave and comes out to an apocalyptic version of her world. She must find her way home and battle her inner demons. Nothing will ever be the same. Story and characters by sawyerLUVSyou, illustrated by Blaeringr.


Appreciate the feedback :)


I'm such a pussy when it comes to critiques, lol.
Uhm. My two cents to our future criteriqieuers, the story is a lot deeper than what we're showing right now. Um. Yeah.
20th May 2012, 12:14 PM #3
Dodom♀

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The art is original and nice, and the story intriguing enough to want to keep on reading. I have a globally positive opinion of your comic.

Bad points I can think of:
The single panel pages, while nice, force me to scroll within the same panel, sometimes more than once to appreciate the whole thing. Since you, more often than not, draw the character's whole figure, you probably didn't mean for her head and feet to never be seen at the same time.
There are points where the events get harder to believe:
- She has no problem going in the water to play or explore the cave, but doesn't think of swimming back to a part of the beach that has no cliff. She probably has a reason not to, I can think of several, but while reading I kept thinking "Why don't you swim, why don't you swim???" and it wasn't answered.
- She seems to come back out through the same end of the cave, but then it only takes her one panel to be back in the street; after all that trouble trying to climb back before, it doesn't feel quite right.
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20th May 2012, 5:55 PM #4
sawyerLUVSyou♀

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Dodom:The art is original and nice, and the story intriguing enough to want to keep on reading. I have a globally positive opinion of your comic.

Bad points I can think of:
The single panel pages, while nice, force me to scroll within the same panel, sometimes more than once to appreciate the whole thing. Since you, more often than not, draw the character's whole figure, you probably didn't mean for her head and feet to never be seen at the same time.
There are points where the events get harder to believe:
- She has no problem going in the water to play or explore the cave, but doesn't think of swimming back to a part of the beach that has no cliff. She probably has a reason not to, I can think of several, but while reading I kept thinking "Why don't you swim, why don't you swim???" and it wasn't answered.
- She seems to come back out through the same end of the cave, but then it only takes her one panel to be back in the street; after all that trouble trying to climb back before, it doesn't feel quite right.


The thing about those, the beach part is too far/deep for her to swim. There's only the cliff for a long way. I'm not sure how we can show that though.
And she was supposed to get right back to the street after exiting the cave, through some fucked up magic events. We could probably edit that part to have it make more sense.

EDIT: I went back and changed Beginning 10 and Beginning 19. Maybe they will tie it together more now.
Forum > Critique > Looking for Critique Please: Ocean Labyrinth
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