Comic Fury Webcomic Hosting - Comic Comparison

So this is what I've currently got for the first panel. I can already tell the text needs to be modified; Even *I* am having trouble reading Aria's text first, so I'll need to shift hers further left and Davos's further right (maybe dropping Davos's to be over Aria's body), but other than that needing to be fixed, what do you think?

So right now, I'm kinda having trouble with the script. It's not *that* large of an issue, and it's not in need of dire fixing, but considering my NaNoManGo project is to do 30 panels, I need 22 more than my first comic and it'll only be a few days before I get there and it becomes an inconvenience to not have things perfected.

Basically, the script I have right now sucks. :P



ONE--
Davos: Are you ever going to tell us your real plan, Argus?
Aria (skeptical): Assuming you even have one.

TWO--
Argus (nonchalantly): I'm insulted that you would ever think I don't have a plan. But if you insist on an explanation...

THREE--
(Monologue Box)
Argus: Trios may be powerful, but they leave gaps in our skillsets I would much prefer to have filled.

FOUR--
(Still monologging)
Argus: In particular, Davos is bred for fighting, and you're designed to backstab. While I have the skills, my specialty is in offensive magic rather than defensive and healing spells. So if something gets through our defenses, we have no effective way to heal the damage.

FIVE--
(Yet again, monologue)
Argus: So we need another member. We're heading towards the village to recruit. Four is Death, and it's the death of our enemies I'm aiming for. And with luck, we'll find an Outcast similar to us.

SIX--
Argus (dismissive): Honestly, we'd never go to a village for a lame quest. And as you mentioned, you would not approve of our careers starting by heading towards a location to raid. Other than recruitment, pretty much the only starting option left is a dungeon crawl. And, really, who does those these days?

SEVEN (double width)--
*Text says "Elsewhere, At a Dungeon"*

Sanik&Kinas (enthusiastically): Alright, team, here's the deal:
*Sarge and Tyra groan*; Sinaer (small text): Kinas, you never change...

EIGHT: (double width)--
Sanik&Kinas: We agreed to attack this dungeon with our rivals tomorrow, but knowing my brother, we can't wait. So we've come a day early through a secret entrance in order to get there first!
Adventure Away!

Nathan Betrax (small text): We need a better catchphrase...









Obviously, Argus is intentionally supposed to be somewhat verbose with his monologue. It wouldn't be a monologue if it weren't three or four panels long, after all. :P But just because he's supposed to be verbose and monologing doesn't mean there isn't stuff I can't cut out (and maybe re-order), but I can't really think of any way to improve it, right now.
And obviously, anything the other characters can have cut down on would be nice as well; I did my best to make it brief, but it still feels like all the characters could use work.

In other words, I feel like it could use a LOT of work, but I quite frankly can't really think of any way to make it better. :/

(Small clarifications if necessary--when I mean monologing, I mean it's text inside of a box.
When I say "double width", what I mean is that the panel takes up a whole row, rather than half a row like most panels do. So this comic would be five panels long rather than the standard four divided in half. If that makes sense.
Basically, what the last panel of the current first comic is, is what I mean when I say "double width".)

So, knowing the end result would look something like this (minus the text location, as noted above; I've already fixed that), what do people think of this?

I know, clearly, that is not intended to be the final product, but it's basically something I'm considering doing for all my comics, to keep the sprite art as part of the comic: outline my script, with their basic positioning and my best attempt at their emotions, getting everything roughly in place using the sprites.

And then, taking that, drawing over it with the real stuff, as I'm doing now.

If the idea works out, that means I can do a lot of work on my comic right now, rather than waiting to perfect my art style. Get all the comics I've got scripted out (which is through to 12 or so right now, though the numbering would be different now) in the above format, and then drawing over them with their real look.

Basically, I'm going to be asking two things.

-Do you like the script format? (It certainly works better than raw text, though I of course need that to say what they look like beyond the sprite art, as the sprites can only convey so much, whereas when fully drawn out it becomes more obvious.)

-If so, do you like where you think the comic is heading? That is, do you think that--if you're visualizing it the way you think I am going to draw it--it makes a good comic?

EDIT: You can see an incomplete prototype for the second comic's script here.