Not bad.. you have got a decent handle on anatomy - black and white is a decent medium tones are ok - try to stay away from "flat" tones they make the charcters look , litterally "flat"
also develop your own style - manga / anime is way overdone in webcomics - practice find a style that suits you and that IS you , I know that may not be the advice you are looking for but , anyway also perhaps a bit of tightening up of lines they are way "Sketchy" and rough
this page page example 2 im not sure about the balloonless text is it part of the background ? if its thoughts it should be in a Bubble-balloon once again the page just seems a bit "off"like it was scanned at a angle..
this page page example3
im really not sure whats going on - she kicks him/her in the face?
anyway.. dont give up! I apologize if this is not what you want to hear, but nothing really stands out. art wise. im sure you can do better and look forward to seeing it.
Some things that stuck out to me:
-The transition into the first time Star is shown. I thought it was kinda sudden and took me a while to realize it was a scene change. The page before had that little fade-away panel in the corner, so I feel like there should be a fade-into panel to bridge the gap.
-Reading the comic from right to left also took me a while to figure out. I know it makes sense in manga because asian languages read right to left, but when the comic is in english to begin with, it just threw me off.
-Some text don't have bubbles, and that's ok, because those little comments are usually just asides that aren't important to the main conversation, but you have to make sure that they're easily readable. Like on page 6, the "Should have GUESSED!" is very hard to read and is also very hard to notice being far away from any other eye catching text bubble. If you can opt out of using it, just put it as regular speech text. Like the ""So.. a shit hole?" on the same page should really be in its own bubble because the character responds to it in the next panel. It should also be used in moderation, like once a page or fewer, because they can be distracting, especially if you want to go for a more serious tone later. You don't want to break the reading flow just for a few snippy comments from a character. I suggest studying how real manga authors compose their pages and text bubbles to lead the eye from one to the other. Panel shape and placement helps here too.
-Your overall anatomy and posing is coming along nicely, but there was that one panel where Star stomps on the cigarette that was a bit weird. If you have to write in a note explaining what is happening, you should probably just opt for a different pose and angle. Drawing a viewpoint that goes through solid objects isn't easy to pull off, and usually requires fancy shading and tones and doohickys to make clear, so I don't recommend doing things like that.
I enjoyed the presentation of the story and the grey tones in the first few pages. The shading in added alot more depth to the scenery than if it were just outlines. You should tone all the pages like the first few. A few light and dark grey tones in a background can make it look more dynamic.
And that's about all I could find to critique. Good work so far!
Thanks guys! I hate to say my style is like it is, but I would like to go for an even sketchier style... (my artwork shows it more than the comics, I guess). The right to left style is what I'm used to from reading manga so it actually comes more naturally to me. I know manga art isn't very popular here, but it's how I've always drawn. I don't want to confine myself to it, though, so as my art improves I know my style will, too.
I'll go back and add the little asides as smaller text like the rest. ^^
Also, maybe I'll go back and fix that scene with Star... it's really bizarre because she's so eccentric but I definetly see how it's confusing. Not what I intended. ;o;
Balloon-less text are thoughts... perhaps I should add bubbles for them? IIRC, I think I jumped between bubbles and no bubbles. I wish I had noticed that sooner >.>
Thanks for the comments on the toning, too. My wife does that and she's just fallen a little behind... I'm going to get it all updated with tones by Sunday for the next update, though!
Location:Ol' Lynchy, a couple feet above the ground.
swalden:How is the story so far for you all?
I sub'd for a reason; I like it. :P
For the record, as my own style is (very, very loosely :P) manga-inspired, I say there's nothing wrong with it, so long as you can make it your own style eventually. Doing whatever feels the most comfortable and natural would be best, and eventually, you'll find your style looks very little like some other manga style, simply because you're doing it the way YOU feel like, and that's typically what allows you to develop your own style.
Okay- that explains why the story made no sense >_< Its arranged backwards - you will appeal to a larger audience with a regular format - most people dont know to read the page backwards. perhaps a comment built into the site indicating the direction?
Location:Ol' Lynchy, a couple feet above the ground.
Centcomm:Okay- that explains why the story made no sense >_< Its arranged backwards - you will appeal to a larger audience with a regular format - most people dont know to read the page backwards. perhaps a comment built into the site indicating the direction?
This would help.
I mean, it's not too hard to figure out reading direction eventually, as it doesn't take much time to figure out you're reading backwards (typically, no more than a chapter or two), but it helps if you don't have to figure that out for yourself. :P
There's a lot of bold splashy creativity here. I like that. And I know the feeling of wanting to add to my skill set to take things up a notch.
The Japanese reading direction is very confusing for an English comic, even with the note.
I like your basic style. It's reminiscent of several things I've seen without looking exactly like any of them.
Best advice I think: MORE CONSTRUCTION LINES. Draw wire figure, then basic shapes, THEN the final detailed art. I could be wrong, but a lot of this looks like you're going straight to the last step.
Also, you don't need complicated mathematical perspective for this, but a little more attention to getting objects and rooms to "feel" real would help.
Page V is unreadable to me, in either direction. So, make sure your storytelling is clear. I've been known to experiment a bit much at times, resulting in pages less clear than they should be. Have fun, but remember the main goal is to tell a story, and to tell is to COMMUNICATE.
I can recommend some books. Either way, good luck.
Thanks all! I got a nonphoto blue pencil so I can make better sketches and put more detail into my work.
I am also changing the reading direction starting with Chapter 2. I'll go back and digitally re-order chapter 1 when I have time, then hopefully redo it down the line, also. Until I can get this done I've updated the page-note.
Thank you all for the comments :) I hope you all will continue to check out my work as it progresses and I experiment with new things. ^^ I really appreciate the critism!
All right, here's what I like about your work: your characters are lively and interesting. Especially the waitress, Star. Your paneling works as well. (Thanks to the note on your banner) Your story definitely has potential too. Because I'm actually looking forward on where will it go... also curious how it will tie in to the title of your story. And finally, I like the comedic moments as well! really brings out the character!
For suggestions: you could use improvement in drawing backgrounds with perspective. Your character proportions are a bit weird in some pages. Page 8 and 5 specifically... the bearded man's head is a wee bit too big for his body. While I do realize that anatomy in anime differs from series to series, studying human anatomy helps. Another way would be to find a manga artist that you admire and try to copy his/her style. Not trace, just try to learn on how they draw and their use of effects.