As a special B-day present to you, I'm giving you advanced warning to stay out of the "Pictures of You" thread for the next several hours!
No, don't thank me; it's the least I could do. I worry about your mental health and don't want to contribute to you further slipping over the precipice into insanity.
Take the rest of the day off; play some Minecraft; you've earned it!
(the rest of you might want to get tissues or barf bags ready - depending on your proclivities).
Yes, we will use the Unturned Calendar method. It's like the Stopped Clock method, but it pertains to years instead of days. Also, we're doing it different by trying to match up a birthday with the actual date rather than trying to match up a date with the actual date.
However, we will need to proceed with care. For example, if we make a cake in July and his birthday turns out to be in October, that cake will be stale and not very great, and it's not like we can just make a new cake every few weeks. Also, balloons start to run out of air before long and that is also a problem. Perhaps we could inflate a balloon with gas taken from Xenocartographer's form? Surely sentient gas mass should be able to contain itself within a balloon for indeterminate periods of time.
Perhaps we should all chip in and get Kyo some smokes. Everyone knows that Kyo is a high promoter of smoking, and I'm sure he would appreciate it. Perhaps we could also make him noodles. What was that thing he preferred them made in? Pots? Cups? Kettles? We'll make some in all three just to be safe. We can even grind up some smokes and season them with it. For his happiness, but not for his health. We don't want to have to deal with too many birthdays.