I'm not sure if I got the baloon order in the last panel right.
I'm not exactly ure about thatm but I think there's too much unused space. You yould make the figures larger, or add, something there, or add more text, I dunno tbh.
revzet:Alright I've decided on Fortune be Damned and House of Cards. More reviews to come!
Alright here's FORTUNE BE DAMNED!!
First Impressions: Indiana Jones with Animals
Honestly, I have no clue what's going on. A few people got killed, there's animals, secret golden circle thing, and pretty boring characters. And not so much that the personalities of the characters are boring, but they all seem like the same archetype. All of them talk and walk the same way, they all fit the mood and tone of the story because they all feel like the same standard "smoker voice no nonsense male" personality. Which.... There's nothing wrong with that as long as it's not every single personality.
And another problem is the lack of exposition. I feel like this comic skipped the first immersion chapter and is throwing us into the plot with no emotional connection or idea to what is going on. "Show don't tell" doesn't mean "skip exposition". It means don't give a 2-page wall of text explaining everything, but rather have FUN telling the reader about your world and spend some time getting the reader to connect with it. Stories are like hot tubs. You don't cannon ball into it and get out. You go in slowly and sit there and enjoy it. So don't be afraid to take some time and get the readers immersed.
Not good, but improving. There's a lot of compositional issues that make the story a little hard to follow. For example in the latest page it looks more like the scene is changing rather than that character is looking at him. For some help with that I recommend checking out some YouTube channels focusing on filming, because there's a lot you can learn from it. Some of my favorites are "lessons from the screenplay" and "folding ideas".
Not much else to say besides that, I didn't take off any points for furries even though that confuses me to no end in comics (I get really caught up in the worldbuilding dynamics of those).
I took off points because of two reasons.
The buttons on the bottom are tiny and it's annoying to zoom in on those. And the text is hard to read via mobile so took off for that too.
The other reason is for no comic summary. How am I supposed to get an idea for what I'm getting into if there's no description? Or from another direction- having no description can give the impression that the author doesn't even know what their story is about. Just throwing something up there would help.
This comic has some issues but I see a lot of potential for it in the future. Keep up the good work!
EDIT: This "merged doublepost" thing sucks huh
Haha thanks man, some negative feedback is quite refreshing tbh
Well I agree on the exposition part, I should have started the story from explaining/hinting some stuff that happens as I later realised. Well its my first storytelling experience ever so I gotta learn from my mistakes and move on. Still there's some exposition coming (this year I hope). It might be I'm just asking for reviews too early on.
Not exactly sure about characters though, in the only more-or-less dialogue I tried to portray characters differently with different posture and such, can't say how well it worked since its hard to get an outside view on your own stuff, but several people spoke positively about that thing. Maybe there wasn't enough room for proper character development yet (hell some of the main cast haven't even appeared yet), and well lol, they aren't all male and don't even all smoke haha
Yeah and thanks for hints on composition, this shet is very unobvious, you pretty much can't learn it intuitively
Nice perspective and environmental art. However on last panel of the third row, the girl's silhuette foesn't really read well (it's too similar in tone with the background, gray on gray), which I think you really shoulf pay attention to. The buildings far away contrast too much whicj shouldn't be a thing with distant objects.
Also lol why is that guy on the last panel marching so funny?
HapyCow:There will be more, sorry! I've fallen behind on these. Gluma your art is so beautiful, I highly doubt I'm going to be able to mark up any page of yours D: It's like..the Secret of Nimh levels of beautiful. But I can definitely get back to these next week, just need to draw more of my comic and stuff right now.