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Result in thread: Critique Chain!
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11th Mar 2014, 11:49 PM #1
MadTarnsman

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Matt Knab:Here is my critique of Mad Jack:

The good stuff:

You definitely know what style you are going for and you pretty much nail it. Your book reminds me much of classic comics like Prince Valiant or 60's-70's Marvel comics. This has both pros and cons to it, but the foundation of the art is solid. Your anatomy and perspective, detail and structure are all good. Backgrounds are always detailed enough to provide context, but not overbearing. Line art is well done and enjoyable throughout!

It looks like you used a few different coloring techniques over the course of the book but, despite that, it still seemed pretty consistent throughout. Colors are vibrant and again reminiscent of the old Prince Valiant in the Sunday paper.

Lettering looks very professional!

The overall story is definitely promising. I like the idea of a medieval/fantasy world existing in a sci-fi/intergalactic empire setting. The mysteries behind the Freyans and the enforced isolation of the planet are something I'd like to find out more about.

The stuff that could use work:

I admit that this classic art style really isn't my cup of tea, so take my critique of that area with a grain of salt.
I found it somewhat difficult to tell many of the characters apart, or identify any strong emotions within them. The color, while consistent, would have been much improved with just a little shading. The almost-flat colors sometimes did seem to suit the feel of the comic, but other times just seemed incomplete. A lot of pages would have been better as B&W, in my opinion. Also, the action scenes lost a lot of urgency due to the zoomed-out, static nature of the art style, along with the rigid paneling. I would recommend some more variety in your shots (it seems the great majority of them are 90 degree shots), and break out of those squares and rectangles. Again, this might be simply due to the chosen art style, but I feel that rigidity prevents the story from making the kind of impact it could.

Toward the beginning of the book, the text boxes were rather confusing. There didn't seem to be a consistent rule for placement/reading order, and I spent many text-heavy pages going back and forth to figure out what order they should be read in. The more recent pages, however, are much improved and no longer have that problem. Did I mention the lettering looks hella good?

Story-wise, I feel that many characters seemed pretty flat. Most of them spoke very similarly and didn't seem to have many defining character traits that would have set them apart. Even Jack himself seemed to be lacking any exciting or distinguishing traits. He's a good warrior who's secretly not of this world, but...why should we, as readers, want to read about his exploits? Almost 100 pages in, and I find Jack to not be particularly interesting or even likable.

One last thing that I found to be a negative while reading Mad Jack - the slavery. I actually thought about it much of today to be certain that I didn't give a knee-jerk reaction.
Now, I have found tales about/containing slavery to be somewhat interesting. This is not one of those. The first aspect is the fact that this world has a overwhelmingly misogynistic view of women. By itself, that could lend itself to some interesting stories, women struggling against the sexist men who hold all the power. Instead, all of the women on the planet seem to be vapid imbeciles and blissfully happy to be the sex-slave of any man who comes along. Not only do you miss out on having any interesting female characters in your story, but you present a world that is very hard to believe. The giant flying birds and the space opera setting are both much more believable than an entire sub-section of their race happily being enslaved. BEING enslaved, yes. Happily so, never. Simply replace "women" with "any racial minority you can think of" if you need a different perspective - it's hard to not see that as unbelievable and offensive. Now you MAY be planning on coming back to the subject of slavery a bit more in depth, but I can only base my opinion on what you've shown so far. That Jack basically endorses the sexual abuse of enslaved women pretty much makes him despicable in my eyes, I'm sorry to say. :(


I'm REALLY sorry for sounding so negative. You can toss it up to me being very much NOT your target demographic? From the comments on your comic, it's obvious that you have quite a group of fans that love your work. Just as it is obvious that YOU love your work. No one can deny you have loads of talent!


Alright, Matt...thanks! Now, I made the story ongoing instead of having to fit lots of detail and tales of civilizations so that these aspects are slowly unwound with a reference here and there.....or maybe an upcoming story arc explains one giant aspect of their civilization including the slavery.
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Result in thread: Critique Chain!
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"Wolves at Weston Court: An Ongoing Critique", 11th Mar 2014, 11:44 PM #2
MadTarnsman

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(I'll add more to this as I get it read and written up.)


Wolves at Weston Court

Written/drawn by LeRenardRoux

Critique by The MadTarnsman


I liked the main cover….or first page, what have you…..the Cover/First Page had that Book From a First Edition Library. It whispered promises of adventures to come with a wispy SteamPunk ambience and made me anxious to turn and get into this rendering.

Okay, I had to blink and get up, pace a bit as I tried to break this down into a text page. It’s often said rules are made to be broke…..but then there are Laws.

You can’t do text and art, it’s never a good idea as it threatens to go against the Law. Ironically, with just a little spacing……rearranging the layout….this could work but most artists/writers don’t attempt it and this is a hangover from that time when everybody had a job to do on the comic.

You could crop the drawings and after you put a character on the left and right you could try for a block for the text down the middle. Hell, I’d vote for you donating an entire page to the text, maybe letting it slide in evenly divided blocks and ascending from left to right from the top to bottom.

These are just my ideas. As is, this page is a catastrophic jarring to the senses as I ready myself to get into The Zone.

…..and in general, so far, you seem desperate to “buy pages” with text and minimal art at this point.
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Preachin' and Producin' old school comics since I can remember, all while being possessed by Jack Kirby!

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Result in thread: Critique Chain!
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"Officially Critiquing", 9th Mar 2014, 8:20 PM #3
MadTarnsman

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I'm now critiquing Wolves at Weston Court!

Thanks to all those participating, especially to myself for popping my head out of my ass for a moment.
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Preachin' and Producin' old school comics since I can remember, all while being possessed by Jack Kirby!

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Result in thread: Critique Chain!
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9th Mar 2014, 2:42 PM #4
MadTarnsman

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LeRenardRoux:
Matt Knab:Sure, I'll do Mad Jack this weekend.


Well, Madtarnsman does not know/has not agreed to do a full-length critique of a comic from this thread yet. So don't go nowheres. Unless you wanna just be super nice.


Point me toward a book wanting a critique and I'll do it gladly!

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Preachin' and Producin' old school comics since I can remember, all while being possessed by Jack Kirby!

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Result in thread: Taking Comics Seriously
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9th Mar 2014, 9:15 AM #5
MadTarnsman

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HapyCow:
My comic is doing extremely well...I'm very proud of it. I don't know if I'd want comics to be my full time job though. It's so reliant on the fans, who are most likely starving artists as well..I like a stable income.



That right there is a problem that afflicts anyone trying to make it mainstream. Our target audience suffers the same income deficit demographic that we do. Creators, writers and artists need need readers with disposable income that they can dispose into our pockets!

However, as much I think my comic is a nifty and well done little project I lost that Creative Spark that drives us all forward. I've been fighting to get it back ever since.....

...now, I find out I'm ill with a very serious affliction. Exactly what the diagnosis is irrelevant but it's the end affect that is probably the shadow guest of honor in this thread. I feel I'll pull through so, in the mean time, all of my mental energy and focus is dedicated to concentrating The Healing to where and how it needs to be.

That Creative Spark, however, is what we thrive for and if unsatisfied the process will grind to a halt.

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Preachin' and Producin' old school comics since I can remember, all while being possessed by Jack Kirby!

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Result in thread: Critique Chain!
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7th Mar 2014, 4:56 PM #6
MadTarnsman

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LeRenardRoux:
Matt Knab:Sure, I'll do Mad Jack this weekend.


Well, Madtarnsman does not know/has not agreed to do a full-length critique of a comic from this thread yet. So don't go nowheres. Unless you wanna just be super nice.


I'm sorry about bungling the rules. Who should I critique.....meaning, whose turn is it?

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Preachin' and Producin' old school comics since I can remember, all while being possessed by Jack Kirby!

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Result in thread: Critique Chain!
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"Critique Chain", 5th Mar 2014, 2:47 AM #7
MadTarnsman

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All Down But Nine was the third comic I'd picked but some other people had beaten me to critiquing them.

All Down But Nineeven though nine to twelve pages so far, had that one attribute that always grabs me..........GREAT ART!! Yes, it was CGI but I'll forgive that overtime this time?

I'm also liking the plot being "leaked" to us and not a table rattling Reveal that snaps everyone out of their evening reverie. That's just damned rude. You're showing us a late medieval/steampunk ambience woven through the plot which I like and so far your two main characters seem to be realistic enough with coughs, gaffs, dropping things......

...in fact, the only thing far fetched here is that she hasn't triggered a Hulk-a-Thon and that hasn't spread to other areas.

Again, I LOVE the art and the flow of the story......if that ship makes it to St. Lous, I'll be talking massive share purchases!

I'm looking forward to more.........



Now, who's up for Mad Jack?
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Preachin' and Producin' old school comics since I can remember, all while being possessed by Jack Kirby!

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Result in thread: Critique Chain!
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5th Mar 2014, 2:24 AM #8
MadTarnsman

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HapyCow:I definitely want to participate. I'm willing to read 100 pages, but I'd hopefully like the comic enough to read it all. >.> I also would like a critique...you know, when I get to 10 pages. Which is hopefully soon! I'll try to get the first 10 fast and then I'll slow down my pace. :P


Well, that's comforting because I've got nearly 100 pages of Mad Jack.



....hrrrms.....going through the comics to find one needing a critique......
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Preachin' and Producin' old school comics since I can remember, all while being possessed by Jack Kirby!

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4th Mar 2014, 5:23 PM #9
MadTarnsman

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Where to start, keeping in mind I'm just about couchdrawing table bound:

The Walking Dead: Just when I think they can't latch onto me anymore..........

The Blacklist: I love James Spader's acting and there's some good writing there!

Justified: I've got this penchant for guns, my entire family was born and raised in the Ozarks of southern Missouri and Arkansas. No shoes, cell phones, computers or internet....just the heavy woods of the rural region, polishing hunting skills. THIS is my kinda show!!

Vikings: Loving these shows coming out from History, also count Longmire and other pseudo documentary "period pieces".
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Preachin' and Producin' old school comics since I can remember, all while being possessed by Jack Kirby!

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4th Mar 2014, 4:45 AM #10
MadTarnsman

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Unka John:One of my characters is an exhibitionist. I can't do anything about it.


As Unk will attest, drop the sex and nudity from Mad Jack and you might as well not even bother posting the pages!
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Preachin' and Producin' old school comics since I can remember, all while being possessed by Jack Kirby!

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""Anybody here........."", 4th Mar 2014, 4:36 AM #11
MadTarnsman

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December 3rd of last year I called myself an ambulance. My abdomen was rigid and distended, chest pains came and went, hot flashes and chills. I'd been trying to "'ruck it up.." until Monday came around and this was only Saturday night. The ambulance got me to the nearest hospital.

By now I was only semi conscious.....semi lucid....and flashlights were playing in and out of my eyes.....felt the BP cuff......latex fingers probed and examined as I felt the minor sting of a syringe......

....I woke up in ICU post op bedangled with catheter, respirator, tubes and IV's dangling like absurd jellyfish around me.

Two days later after all the tests and biopsies were done, I was informed:

Stage four liver cancer which had spread to my lungs and lymphatic system and that's not even addressing the tumorous blockage to my colon that had started this mess.

Not curable but it can be dealt with.....prolonged with good quality of life. I started radiation therapy last Wednesday and I've lost 70 pounds to the cancer's blitzkrieg attack. I'm not eating like a guy with terminal tapeworms under orders to stop losing weight or see if I can gain some, better yet!
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Preachin' and Producin' old school comics since I can remember, all while being possessed by Jack Kirby!

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3rd Mar 2014, 6:26 PM #12
MadTarnsman

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killersteak:Hello dear sirs and madams,

Quite recently my comic completed its second chapter. I would be ever so grateful if a few of you would be kind enough to read over what's happened so far and give me your thoughts on the story and art so far and any suggestions on how I could improve. All critiques would be most beneficial to chapter 3.

Thankyou in advance for your time.

Tales of Middar - Chapter 1

Chapter 2



Firstly, please stop the narrative. Your critics are going to look past it to get an honest feel for your work......I found it distracting in that I had to scoll down from where I was reading and see what you were wanting to tell me.

.....that broke my concentration on the story line. Now:

I like the fact that you DON'T feel compelled to explain your realm to us. We should find out as we go along. IMHO having to explain or elaborated via caption to characters that would already KNOW this....that's lazy and/or piss poor writing. Also, mind that the speech/thought balloons fall in order and the reader can ingest the material in a linear motion.

You've got a clearly medieval/feudal system of gov't going on here with nearly contemporary clothing and gadgets that should have an apple logo on them. Again, interesting, I like it.

The dialogue is rushed, compressed like air. Plot points, sub plots (I LOVE sub plots!!!) and such should be given a chance to ferment on their own. Slowing down here would also so slow on the pacing of your story and THAT would allow you to go with fewer panels per page. I'm here to tell you, if I flip over to a page that has 15 thumbnail size panels each with the characters going for my attention that will lead to a 'reveal' I'm more apt to toss the comic back on the coffee table.

Finally, we're back to art....not in a quality or using any particular style over another....this is about using your panels as a director would his camera. Example:

When the Death Star finally goes tits up in Star Wars, the cinematic assault on our senses is overwhelming.....or was back then! Explosions, TIE and rebel fighters zipping here and there.

If I were doing a fan comic of this very scene, it'd be at least a half page splash. A full page would be difficult to fill and hold the reader but I've a couple daydreaming ideas.

You would NOT, however, make this a sliver thin vertical pan tucked away in a page's opening corner. PUT that huge event in your reader's face just as a director would.

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Preachin' and Producin' old school comics since I can remember, all while being possessed by Jack Kirby!

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3rd Mar 2014, 6:04 PM #13
MadTarnsman

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Proxy170:
MadTarnsman:
Give me a chance to run a basic MkI Eyeball over it


Are you military? Military members are the only ones I've EVER heard use that term.



Navy '73 through '79.
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Preachin' and Producin' old school comics since I can remember, all while being possessed by Jack Kirby!

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3rd Mar 2014, 4:57 AM #14
MadTarnsman

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I believe you can still ask for critiques but I know plugging your own work on another thread is frowned upon.

Give me a chance to run a basic MkI Eyeball over it and I'll get back to you.

Hell, I'm not even sure I have anything to contribute!
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Preachin' and Producin' old school comics since I can remember, all while being possessed by Jack Kirby!

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2nd Mar 2014, 9:18 PM #15
MadTarnsman

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Well, welcome aboard, Christa, Kitta or Whatever!

I'm not a big anime' fan.....I think I was a bit too old when the phenomena was breaking out. I'm a severe fan of Jack Kirby, Frank Frazetta, Steve Ditko and John Buscema.

.....my study of Jack Kirby, though, is the most intense!

Here's wishing you good luck as you abandon sanity and come aboard.

<please don't plug your work here>
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Preachin' and Producin' old school comics since I can remember, all while being possessed by Jack Kirby!

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"Three Words", 1st Mar 2014, 5:14 PM #16
MadTarnsman

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Old School Violence!!


I got the ghost of Jack Kirby flowin' through my veins and channeling Michael Bay's writing!!!




YEEEEEHAAAAAAWWWWWW!!!!!
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Preachin' and Producin' old school comics since I can remember, all while being possessed by Jack Kirby!

[img]https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10152210118824280&l=bb33a5459a[/img]


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1st Mar 2014, 2:47 PM #17
MadTarnsman

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Matt Knab:Nice classic feel to it. Great text boxes/balloons and lettering. Did you color that with a physical medium? If so...awesome! :D

Today on The Feloran Chronicles, the final match of the tournament officially erupts into bedlam!


My working partner listed on the credits does the lettering and some embellishment of the art by computer.

I do the great majority of color with Prismacolor colors and the line drawing proper is done with gauged felt nib drawing pens.

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Preachin' and Producin' old school comics since I can remember, all while being possessed by Jack Kirby!

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"".....Newest Page!"", 28th Feb 2014, 11:23 PM #18
MadTarnsman

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First, keep in mind I'm not critiquing or belittling you personally but your type of material has been the Zen/Sand Garden type poetry and writings has always escaped me. It's like the Art of War by Sun Tzu...you can find boatloads of people who claim to have read it, but get one to actually explain it!

The art was good and flowed well given the short number of panels you chose to go with. All in all it's very interesting work!


Mad Jack

Now, my illness and ongoing treatment has slowed me down....waaaaaayyyyyy down with the crippling of my artist/writer's inspiration. The current page, however, is a vital turn in the story arc where we learn of the existence of a space craft that can defeat Freyan firepower by being totally "stealthy". It won't trip off the massive perimeter alarm that Frey has placed around Gwallanne and nearby moons. While time ticks down on the launching of the Earth vessel from the rim of the Terran Colony, technology/scientific reasoning and theories are divided over the uncertainties of the ship's new systems actually working.

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Preachin' and Producin' old school comics since I can remember, all while being possessed by Jack Kirby!

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Result in thread: How In The Hell??
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7th Jun 2011, 11:49 PM #19
MadTarnsman

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BishopFrenzy:Hey I have a cool idea let's start yet more arguments on ComicFury and generally go wildly out of our way to make it unwelcoming and inhospitable to the people who would actually like to partake in the community because, god damn it, we're just too edgy and in-your-face not to.

Just once it would be nice to return to CF to discover that everybody is just getting along. Anyway, thanks Tarns, I've been around, just not posting. Didn't see a reason to subject myself to the new troll-drama when I didn't have the time to actually be working on comics. Still, good to be back, I guess.


Yeah, these are our Drunk Duckers....they're the shit...nobody else means a goddamned thing because they're so witty and sharp....edgy stuff!!

OH, and you can barely hear them over the awesome sound of their gayness....which they throw around like $100 bills at a casino!!

Now, having said that, I'LL get the forum ban....even though that have a comic named Assfuck Jamboree!!

So, all I can do is put them right back on ignore.....because apparently they're fucked up sociopaths.
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Preachin' and Producin' old school comics since I can remember, all while being possessed by Jack Kirby!

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Result in thread: Character Designs
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7th Jun 2011, 11:23 PM #20
MadTarnsman

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Even after all this time, having Jack and his Troops well established, I keep changing the "uniforms"....especially Jack's!!

He is, after all, The Grand Poobah of The Scarlet Company so he MUST "rook mahvelous" at all times!!

Besides, in the age of warfare I'm depicting, there is no instant communication....you have to follow your unit leader so the officers must be brightly and differently dressed from the standard mud roller.
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Preachin' and Producin' old school comics since I can remember, all while being possessed by Jack Kirby!

[img]https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10152210118824280&l=bb33a5459a[/img]


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