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Result in thread: ComicFury - User Picks
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21st Sep 2017, 7:58 PM #1
Proxy170

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Slashed for Action. It's got nudity and sexual suggestive content though, so sorry if that's not your thing. But the action is well done and his art is on point. New to CF, so I thought I'd recommend him! (he's not good at self promotion yet, haha)
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18th Sep 2017, 8:11 PM #2
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Nope, didn't do anything unusual. Good to know though, I'll keep it in mind if it happens again. Thanks!
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"Comment showing on "Webcomic Statistics" page but not on page itself", 18th Sep 2017, 8:03 AM #3
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Long title says it all...on my Pg 182 I replied to Serpy's comment, which I can see in my Webcomic stats page, but it doesn't show on Pg 182 itself. Weird bug maybe? User error?

Merged Doublepost:

Just re-replied, and the comment not only posted but then suddenly the hidden/ghost comment appeared. As if I needed to comment again to "shake out" the old comment. Weird. I deleted the duplicate.
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Result in thread: Serpents of Old
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16th Sep 2017, 5:48 PM #4
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Can't wait for the update :D
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10th Sep 2017, 8:57 PM #5
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Alright, last one!

Goodbye Perdu

As I was starting to write this critique from the beginning, I couldn't exactly be sure the name of your title based on the banner alone. It's so small, and with the collage thing going on, I couldn't be sure. I'd recommend making it like the character to the left side of the banner: bordered in black and bigger so it stands out. Speaking of the character to the left, I feel like maybe you picked a not-so-strong image to use? I look at the background collage images and can tell you definitely know how to draw (hands, animals, faces, perspective shots, coloring) but the character you chose for the banner is a bit awkward. The eyes are close together and the hand is disproportionately small, so it makes you appear to have some anatomy issues. I know this may seem hypocritical to previous posts, but I would recommend you put your best art in the banner. Not best from your overall art portfolio, but best within the style and effort level of your comic as to not mislead the potential reader (showing 200% effort art when the comic is done at 80%) but give yourself the BEST advertisement possible.

Your avatar is in the same style though, and drawn well, so that's why I made the conclusion that maybe you didn't pick the BEST character image you have.

Clicking on it, the site is somewhat customized, which is good. Not sure how I feel about it all being left aligned, but I'm not horribly opposed. Definitely not a fan of the all lower case title though. You capitalize it in the banner and it's capitalized on your webpage tab title, so why not on the site itself? If you want to go all lower case, I'd choose a more unique/not academic looking font so it's suggests a purposeful choice, as well as make it consistently lowercase throughout (such as your banner). One last thing on titles--I think people underestimate the benefits of a custom font/unique title image. Once you design a title font, you can build recognition, set a tone, etc. Using Arial/Times New Roman/Calibri is not going to make even the most unique names/titles memorable.

The most recent page looks very good! I'll go to page 1.

As mentioned previously, I'd recommend a cover page. Something to set the scene, make the comic seem well thought out/complete, etc. There are lots of benefits to a cover page, and this is where people will expect that 200% effort level art and not get disappointed when it drops off on further pages.

Comic Sans for a font...definitely a no-no for the comic making community. But it looks like you've fixed it in recent pages, so that's good. Maybe if you have the time, go back and fix the font. Comic Sans is really a bad turn off for a lot of people.

Seeing the art on these first pages, it seems to have that *almost* there feel in terms of art quality. Like you challenge yourself with perspectives, backgrounds, paneling, etc. but it isn't perfectly executed so it just looks a bit off. I personally feel like I'm in that boat too art wise, so this may not be the most perfect advice, but I wouldn't necessarily recommend going back and redoing/fixing older pages. When people have drastically different art qualities, I'd recommend a revamp in earlier pages so you don't ruin that first impression. But I can't imagine this art needing to get a TON better in order to keep a reader's interest, and I certainly don't think it's detracting from your comic. So the benefit of redoing earlier pages probably doesn't outweigh the effort you'd need.

Yikes, these illegible word bubbles just make me want to skip the story aspect (when you use the really tiny font on page 8). Definitely another vote for redoing the font on earlier pages.

On page 9, it says "Purdu" not "Perdu" as the title suggests? Weird. Ok, that may be explained later.

More tiny font jammed into large word balloons, more internal ramblings that I'm not really interested in...but I feel like your pictures say enough. Internal dialogue really isn't necessary in webcomics the way it is in text-only stories. You can portray a lot in a picture, and your art is just fine, so use it!

Hm, I'm hitting a wall of character sheets. I know a lot of people put extras in their archive, but I'd recommend instead you make a special, separate page for that stuff. It's really disruptive to binge reading a story, I just click through it and to me it suggest you might not be a consistent updater. Too many filler pages and I'm going to think I'll never hear the full story and can't rely on you to deliver content. That may be a wrong conclusion, but it's the honest conclusion I make.

Ahhhhh really long word bubbles O.O There is just so much text, I honestly would probably stop reading at this point. Actually, I kinda did pages ago. But again, I'll say this---your art is telling a lot of the story on its own. Yes, I'm missing details because I'm not reading it, but I know generally what is going on.

As this is a first impression critique, I'm gonna stop there. I wanted to enjoy this comic, I wanted to get interested (maybe you just caught me in a good mood?) but there were too many things that just went against it. None of which is art related though, which is a good thing! Art is time consuming. Hard to fix. But writing is easy to fix. For comics, keep in mind that most of the storytelling is with the art. Do you need an inner dialogue to tell the reader she's afraid of the skeleton dogs? No, your expressive faces do that for you! So when you're writing for a webcomic, I'd recommend trimming down. Say what you need to say in the fewest words possible. Sometimes, that's no words because the pictures do it for you. That will help you with the long, wordy, intimidating bubbles. For example, when we first meet the detective in that large panel on page 12, you say A LOT. But I would trim that down to this:

Large exclamation word bubble: "Don't move!"
Another bubble, normal size: "I'm Detective Vidocq. You've witnessed an anomaly."
Final bubble: "You need to come with me."

By breaking up the words into multiple bubbles, it makes the reader digest it better. The first exclamation bubble is for impact. The second one is just to get the necessary info out there. The last one is for a mood setting impact--you need to come with me.

That's the best advice I can give you to fix your first impression. You have a lot of skill that is being overshadowed by technical issues. Totally fixable though, and your archive isn't too big yet! Good luck!
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6th Sep 2017, 6:35 PM #6
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I'm with Serpy! PA is that one story that has just been stuck in my head forever, and since it figuratively BURNS to keep it in my brain, I must get that story out on paper. I also feel lucky to have a story that I just can't let go, so I feel fairly driven in it.

As for tips, I found that PA stuck in my brain not when the plot came together, but when the characters came together. These are "people" I care about, their histories and futures I care about, so I want to tell their story. Without characters that interest me, it kinda feels like an empty plot and I'd lose interest, because I no longer care about what happens to them.
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4th Sep 2017, 8:18 AM #7
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Timelapse11:but no one seems to be able to tell me how to make, them.


Are you in HTML or easy layout editor?

Timelapse11:It's funny how many people say that, it's a little annoying though


I hear ya :/ If there's anything I've learned, it's that you can never be the first/the most unique/only person to think of an idea. But how you execute something is what matters, and you execute your art style very well.

Timelapse11:That was done when I wasn't sure how to add text in to Paint Tool Sai


Formatting aside though, I'd really, really recommend you clean up the punctuation. You type well on the forums so I know you can, just add that extra attention to detail on the comic and it'll go a long way :)

Timelapse11:Sorry, I don't understand your confusion on that, Surge is meant to be read from page 1


Sorry, I wasn't clear. Yes, comics are meant to be read from page one, but you may have found that the common format online is to put the most recent page as the first page people see when clicking onto your website (I'm not talking about the order in which you click through them, I'm talking about the page which your website directs to if I go to it). The benefit of this is that frequent readers are immediately directed to the most recent page (so they don't have to click around to read it) and new readers get to see your latest and greatest art. The latter isn't such a big deal for you yet (your style is consistent throughout) but it's kind of the expected format on webcomics here? Totally your choice though obviously, it's just an observation I made in case you weren't familiar with that formatting.

Timelapse11:Well, I glad it's not entirely terreble


Haha not terrible at all! Definitely going in a positive direction, so keep it up!
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3rd Sep 2017, 5:00 PM #8
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Two more to go! If you missed my critiques you should head over to ArgyleFox's critique thread, as it's basically the same concept and can give great feedback!

Surge

So the first thing that pops out about the banner is the fun, quirky colors and character. The patterns are neat, and it definitely seems eye catching/appealing. Gives me the vibe that it's maybe a science-y humor thing.

Clicking on the banner, I like the site background but MAN that short paragraph of text is impossible to read comfortably. Why even put it there? If I wanted a synopsis, I would go read your comic profile. It's also a run on sentence.

"Surge" is also titled twice, once in the banner and once in some also hard to read text. I would recommend picking one or the other, but if you go with a title banner then I'd make it bigger, and just the font of your comic.

I mentioned it in the previous critique, but you also have all your font on your site the same size. So even the not so important "all rights reserved" is big and in your face, rather than it being the "fine print" it should be.

Looking at the first page, I get a similar thought as the most recent comment--it kinda reminds me of Rick and Morty, style wise. This isn't bad, and will certainly attract a fair number of people. It's also not an EXACT copy of the style, so I feel like it has the ability to still be unique. The text alignment in the word bubbles though is a bit sloppy, as well as punctuation. It's also got a weird ever changing font size that I can't figure out what you did. It's giving me such a weird contrast, because I feel like the art is good, clean, exact, but the site and word bubbles are showing min effort. Anyway, on to page one.

Oh. That IS page one. Well, you might have read already my opinion on putting page 1 as your first impression page, but your story is still short enough it doesn't seem terrible to do right now. And if the art isn't different, why not. But as time goes on, you may want to switch to the common "most recent" format. I would recommend putting a cover image though, or a title page of some sort. It just makes things seem more cohesive.

The story is a bit all over the place in the first few pages, like why did we need to meet the mom now? It seemed like a pointless little side event to just introduce her, when that could have easily been done later. Why are we jumping around so much? Why is a whole page dedicated to looking at a file folder? The art is good but the punctuation and grammar are really distracting. Why are you so opposed to periods? :(

Plot wise, once we get past the first few pages it's actually just fine, we have a good enough idea of our characters and the plot to go off of. So really, it's not a bad first impression! But one that could definitely get cleaned up with some site reworking and more attention to the text aspect of your comic. Best of luck!
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2nd Sep 2017, 9:15 AM #9
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It's not a solid number, but since PA has been in my head for 15 years, drawn and redrawn, written and rewritten, it has never really gone farther than a couple chapters.

So to me, my biggest achievement is having gone farther than I ever have in the story! This is the most sure I've been that it's finally gonna get out of my head and onto paper :'D

And truthfully I wouldn't have gotten this far without the support of this community, so I'd see it as a CF community achievement too :)
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1st Sep 2017, 5:55 PM #10
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Yay! I think I'm free enough for this exchange so sign me up! Project Arc has V! and L! but I am ok with all flags.

I have drawn for:

Messenger
David
Ice and Fire
The Wolf at Weston Court
Serpents of Old

And a bunch of older comics that I'm not sure are even around anymore >.>
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31st Aug 2017, 6:13 PM #11
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hahaha awww poor Caddy! Is it bad I want to see Jeriah punch him in the face as well? Just for kicks XD

I try to incorporate some of my fave comics into mine all the time (movie posters, author/character cameos in the background) but in terms of full out crossovers, I've got some pages pending for 24/7 whenever TheD-Wrek returns to comic making/gets to the planned point in his comic! I've also got some ideas pending for a Twilight Trust character crossover in-comic, and I think it'd be fun to do a little side adventure too (not necessarily in-comic cannon because of the length of it) with Wyrecats! Might be a bit too much conspiracy theory in one comic though, haha.
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30th Aug 2017, 7:23 PM #12
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Sorry ArmyFrog, I'll only be getting to the three left on my to do list. Maybe next time!

Merged Doublepost:

Thanks guys for letting me know you're still interested! I'm gonna go in the order you three originally posted, so next is:

The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

So the banner isn't bad, but it isn't really WOW appealing either? It's just kinda...there. And gives me no insight as to the kind of art you draw. But based on the title, it's a take on the classic story. This is both a good and bad thing--good in the sense that people will know the backstory and you won't need to spend time on it in the comic, but bad in the sense that people may think it's all been done before, why re-read a story? I'll see if I can give other tips once I read the comic, but you could always make the banner/title something that leaves a little more mystery. And I'm always an advocate for putting art on your banner, unless it's atrocious, which...

...it's not! The art in the most recent page doesn't turn me away, so art in your banner wouldn't either. Looking at the site, it's semi custom looking. I like the special buttons for previous/next, but the font all seems to be the same size on the page which makes it look less professional. Also, a banner for the site that isn't the same as your signature banner would be nice, or at least a bigger banner that pops rather than the small size.

Like I said, the most recent page aren't certainly doesn't turn me away (it's not awe inspiring, but it's not bad either), so I'll check it out from the beginning. The colors on the cover page really pop, and everything is very clean. But the lines and the font seem very pixelated, so I'm guessing you're using a lower quality program? There are lots of free art programs out there that I'd recommend you try using. The most recent page looks a bit cleaner, but it's still not super smooth. Maybe you are scanning in traditional art?

So the art seems consistent from oldest to newest page, the characters are unique and have expressive looking faces, but I will admit that their bodies are a bit stiff. The stiffness stems from the torso, despite your shoulders being very expressive. Try to loosen up your characters and exaggerate their movements--since they are drawn in a cartoonish manner you can enjoy the flexibility that style gives :) Really, just arch their backs more.

The words are handwritten but neat, and it works for the comic. You could easily switch to digital though too, and if chosen correctly the digital font wouldn't distract from the art too much either.

This comic is definitely lacking in backgrounds, but it also kinda has that Sunday paper comic feel, so I'm not totally disappointed by it, but it's something to consider depending on the direction you're trying to take. Paneling wise, it's simple but really gets best during the transformation scene. Within the panels, the perspectives seem fairly flat when focused on characters, but occasionally you branch out and pull it off well. So maybe try those angles more.

Story wise, things seem to be going at a good pace, but the first conflict (not getting the job) seems like a good opportunity for some sparks to fly but it kinda falls flat. A hapless lead is fine for a while, but if it takes too long for things to turn around, people will lose interest. And the fiance's bomb drop kinda came outta nowhere, but I guess you are establishing that things are just terrible for him.

I'm going to stop there, but sum up a few things: your comic has some really flamboyant characters, and your facial expression art is good! Use this to your advantage and put some characters in your banner. For writing, it seems pretty textbook so far, so I don't have a whole lot of feedback. I would definitely say that your characters have more appeal than the writing so far, so either continue to develop them or maybe find ways to spice up the writing. Not a bad first impression, but definitely room to make it really successful!
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28th Aug 2017, 5:14 PM #13
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MK_Wizard, Timelapse11, and RaccoonEyez, if you still want a critique let me know. Otherwise I will stop here and consider it dead :)
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27th Aug 2017, 7:38 PM #14
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You can try and test out the Surface Pro--a lot of stores have them on display. For me, the activation force is a deal killer. With Wacom, it really does feel like a pencil. BUT like I said, I've kinda be spoiled...if you've never had a digital tablet before, you may not notice.
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27th Aug 2017, 4:24 AM #15
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I use the original, first gen Surface Pro which uses Wacom tech. It's fantastic! That being said, I DO NOT recommend the newer Surface Pros. As laptops, they're great. If all you're doing is writing notes, they're great. But as an artist, you're gonna get SO frustrated with how bad the pen is. It jitters and has high activation force (so no soft, fine lines and often your lines get interrupted/don't pick up). If you don't care about line variation, or don't know what's good out there to compare to (Wacom), it may work for now. But I hate to admit to Wacom's monopoly, but they really are the best...

Have you thought about the Wacom Mobile Studio? Too pricey?
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23rd Aug 2017, 3:19 PM #16
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Sorry, but it's too late for any new requests :(

Fortune Be Damned

Alright, I'm not gonna lie, I've been anxious to get to this one because your banner really caught my attention! It has good art, interesting title, unique character designs--it actually makes me want to click it! The only thing I might critique on it is the "updates as soon as possible". Providing your update schedule in your banner isn't really necessary if it isn't even consistent. And maybe it would even turn people away (not many people like super infrequently updating comics)

So for how pro the banner looked, I thought it would be a bit more customized on the site. Really, just adding a title banner in your own font would help a lot, rather than the boring cookie cutter banner at the top.

A quick glance at the page and yes, the art is up to the expectation created by the banner. I don't want to read it and spoil anything, so I go to the first page.

First page is great, but I really wish you had a cover page. Would make things seem more complete and give us a snapshot into the story as a whole.

Paneling is really fun and dynamic, but the constant location jumps without a drastic change in scenery have me a bit confused. Where are we? What are we doing? Where'd that lizard guy come from? Your art is carry my interest though though.

Your characters are really expressive, it's great.

Oh, he was...pretending to be in an adventure? What?

You are really good with color btw--you've shown so many different lighting environments in a short period of time and they all look on point.

Love that the characters all have unique voices to them.

Alright, honestly, I'm gonna stop there for the critique before it's turns into nothing but positive feedback. You make a very good first impression. Only a few recommendations above, and I *might* have a critique on the story if it didn't seem like you were being intentionally vague. But since it seems on purpose, I can't really complain. Now if I get 50 pages in (which you aren't there yet) and I still have no idea, you would probably not gain much traction.

Good luck though! Solid work :)
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16th Aug 2017, 12:16 PM #17
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HAHAHAHA omg I did NOT expect to come to this thread and read about T-bagging from SERPY of all people! XD

Non cannon for me, but that's more so because of circumstance/not being in universe. Their actions are all very in line with their personalities (maybe a bit over the top of humor's sake).

I'm VERY curious to see though in this upcoming exchange if we see a solid melding of universes...like I could definitely imaging featuring that exchange IN comic if you had the surrounding universe.

Jay and ChippewaGhost did an awesome universe meld in the last exchange :D
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15th Aug 2017, 8:34 AM #18
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It's time for...

Just Another Day

So I actually thought about this before you changed your banners, but I actually liked the old one better because it featured more characters. Made me feel like it was going to be a fun slice of life sort of thing with all sorts of personalities. But one character almost gives the impression that there is a main character or thread, and doesn't seem as exciting. Your simple drawings also give that slice of life feel, and it looks intentionally simple. Like the "I can draw but chose to do it this way" rather than the "I can't draw and this is my only option".

I also don't know if the rainbow is to signify some LGBT support, but fyi that's what I associate that with. So if that was intended, great! You got it. But if not keep that in mind.

Something else to note before diving into the comic itself is your second banner. It looks cartoony still, but adding those details and in a bit odd proportions (head looks smooshed) kind of breaks the whole "I intentionally draw this way" feel, because maybe it feels like a side project you're trying to practice your art on? I dunno. Anyway, this is about your other comic, so I'll leave that one where it is.

Custom site, simple background, I feel like this comic knows what it is. Great start. And the first page has good, expressive art. One thing that might be a down side, and I don't really know how to fix, is the fact that it may not get the signature feel. Like when I look at some simple art comics I can TELL they are from the same author. I don't quite think your style, if it went viral, would be super uniquely recognizable. It may just get lumped into one of the many simplified art styles out there. Something to think about.

So I read this first joke and it's uh...kinda dumb, but based on the expressions I'm thinking it was intentionally so? I dunno, I feel like the guy going "oh". Like "oh. ok. Well moving on then..." I'm gonna go out on a limb here and assume the intention was to make the guy think you were talking about poop (don't judge me...lol), and the joke be that it was a simple, naive dad joke. But we're missing the key punches here because the guy getting played isn't reacting at all. It makes the joke deliverer just look like a weirdo, and we the audience are going to treat him the same way your dude in the comic treats weirdos--an apathetic look. So instead, if you had the first two panels, then one of the guy going "ew, gross! Why're you asking me about poop?" and then the joker goes "What's wrong with you? I was talking about a stick!" and walk off, you'd leave a frame of the receiver feeling embarrassed and silly, going "....oh.". THAT we can relate to. Being that guy who just now feels awkward. And for some reason people enjoy watching others be awkward. Guess because it makes them feel not alone.

But hey, the thing about slice of life comics is that they can be hit or misses, but the hits are worth it. So I go to page one.

The art really isn't that bad (I dunno what you were talking about). It's a gag comic, I'm not gonna be expecting the Mona Lisa. Characters are still expressive, which is what matters in these comics. Your archive was short, so I read them all, but sadly I didn't find any of them to be that funny :( I'm sorry, humor is a tricky thing and it was probably lost on me. You seem to have great set ups but then the punch line is lost. The snow comparison is a classic set up, but the resulting comic was so toned down it wasn't funny. But if you had the guy running around frantic going "ah it's so cold it burns! get it off me!" with onlookers that are like "wtf is up with that dude?" you might have gotten a chuckle outta me, just for expressiveness alone. On the internet one, you could have just left the black box with white text out. It actually breaks the rhythm--you don't need to detail everything, the idea was already planted in the audiences' head, they can make the connection on their own and chuckle. A lot of others, like the glue one, are maybe a play on words but come off as just random snapshots of ordinary life events, without any outrageous or funny twist.

Anyway, that got more involved that expected, but the good news is I kept clicking and went through your whole archive? So you're clearly doing something right. But would I return looking for lolz? Sorry, not really :( You have good first impressions, so best of luck!
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14th Aug 2017, 1:42 PM #19
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Alright, next is...

Lucky Hazard

Not gonna keep beating a dead horse. See the many reviews about about the downside to NOT having a banner. Or one that doesn't link. Or anything. I would never stumble across this comic in the forums because you aren't taking advantage of free advertising! But maybe that's not your thing?

Alright, the site is custom which is a plus, but it looks super pixelated on the top banner. The edges have some sort of aliasing problem or something. And while I see the benefit of a welcome page, I'm gonna reiterate my previous comment of recommending you use your latest page as the first page people see. They're gonna see your art one way or another, and getting a few page hits on cover pages is delaying the inevitable (to read or leave).

So I choose latest page! And this is a really interesting, unique, and tough style. Not having lines in your art is tricky, since you have to rely solely on the colors to create distinguishing features/contrast. But you probably know this, so let me get on to other stuff. Word bubbles/font are good upon a first impression, but the edge of your pages is a bit distracting. I don't know why, but when you frequently bleed panels to the edge of the "paper" it give me this restricted, trapped feeling. Like I'm missing some content because a crop went horribly wrong. Probably just me and my preferences, but I'd maybe recommend not bleeding EVERY panel to the edge of the page.

So the art, characters, and site look good, and while it's not my personal cup of tea art wise, I'm gonna start from the beginning to give other insights.

Huh, looks like you switched fonts? Not common, but I can see why--the apostrophes are SUPER distracting in this font. Looks like a mistaken pen mark.

I get the intention of your opening (I think)--it highlights some key points, creates some mystery, and sets the stage for what we're supposed to care about. But it reminds me of that time I tried to read Children of Dune...the author started throwing out so many random names, places, and things that I got lost. Re-re-reading it, I can totally make sense of what you're saying. But as the theme of this thread is first impressions, I'd maybe simplify the dialogue and "voice" that each of these shadow characters use. Because while I have to give props for you creating a diverse cast based on how they speak, it is unnatural. And therefore, a bit awkward to read.

Hm, wonder why keep them hidden in shadows, just to then POP display the characters? Really unique and fun designs, btw. Although it's kept simple, it doesn't seem empty at all. And paneling is good, so I guess the full bleed panels hasn't always been a thing for you.

As I'm going through the pages, even though it's not my personal pref in art, the art is really what stands out. It's clean, colorful, dynamic and fun. The dialogue (as we transition to normal people) gets more natural sounding, but I will admit that it seems to be a bit disorganized occasionally (I found myself reading the bubbles in the wrong order). I know you tried to combat this with the lines between bubbles, but the natural way to read it for me was still out of the order you intended (top left to top right, then working my way down).

All in all, as I go through pages you have a good comic that can get people hooked if it's their thing. So this is good! Keep getting yourself out there! :D
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14th Aug 2017, 1:13 PM #20
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Wow I didn't think it was boring at all! I'll be curious to see how you revamp it :D
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