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8 days ago, 10:28 PM #1
Thorsby

Posts: 134
Registration date: 14th Nov 2013
Oglaf. Comedy. Short, usually unrelated stories, often about sex. Very NSFW. https://www.oglaf.com/

Trixie Slaughteraxe. Comedy. My comic. A woman goes on a treasure hunt to finance her presidential campaign. http://trixie.thecomicseries.com/comics/first/
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Result in thread: one page critique
8 days ago, 3:09 PM #2
Thorsby

Posts: 134
Registration date: 14th Nov 2013
Guy steals coffee from a woman to give to another. Would likely not have noticed if you didn't tell me to look for it.
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8 days ago, 12:20 AM #3
Thorsby

Posts: 134
Registration date: 14th Nov 2013
I liked the black outlines better. I think partially because the images is so small. But even after zooming in I still prefer the black. Particularly the nose looks too faint on the not-black.
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Result in thread: How to re-arange pages...
9 days ago, 1:06 AM #4
Thorsby

Posts: 134
Registration date: 14th Nov 2013
Yes, pages are arranged by date. Give it an earlier date.
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Result in thread: I need to know.
11 days ago, 10:26 PM #5
Thorsby

Posts: 134
Registration date: 14th Nov 2013
I meant this: http://reeclipse.thecomicseries.com/comics/2

It comes up before the comic, so readers will probably read it before the comic.
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11 days ago, 10:09 PM #6
Thorsby

Posts: 134
Registration date: 14th Nov 2013
I read up to chapter 3, page 28. It feels slow. Like I'm pretty far into the comic and I'm not quite sure what the premise of the comic is, or what's the deal with Julian.

Prologue page 3, panel 2. Can't read the first speech bubble.

Chapter 1, page 3, second last panel. I thought that squiggly line after "It's tasty" was an "n".

Chapter 2, page 9. Panel 1. Not sure what order these speech bubbles are in or which character say which thing.
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Result in thread: I need to know.
11 days ago, 9:48 PM #7
Thorsby

Posts: 134
Registration date: 14th Nov 2013
I did not read much of this. I think it is a bad idea to start of with the FAQ. A lot to read through before the story begins.
I think the icons for "next", "previous" etc should have words on them, they're a bit confusing.
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28th Nov 2019, 12:51 PM #8
Thorsby

Posts: 134
Registration date: 14th Nov 2013
There was an awful lots of things to click through before the story started. Including two blank pages. Why?

There is not enough happening on each page. Basically nothing happens on 1, 2 and 4. But also in general not much per page.

8. Not clear what happens in the second last panel. I guess from context that the monk pushes the child away but we don't really see that. Same with second panel in 9.

I don't like the style of dialogue. Sounds unnatural. 11 "Tell me, what is someone so young fighting on the battlefield for?" A more natural version might be "What is someone so young doing in a battle?"

13. I don't like these pages with just some words. You use ellipses too much.

14. These flashback scenes are disjointed and confusing. With the black and white and not much detail on the character, I'm not sure if we're seeing the same character or different ones.

27. Nothing happening in panel 3.

31 - 37. Clicking through this is award. If you had put the whole sequence on a page would have been better. The same goes for similar sequences later. Don't need the black pages. Don't need separate pages for the words.

39 -42. Nothing happens here. Would have been better without theese pages. I would have preferred it without 43 too, although that's debatable.

48. Don't write "Glare" or other expressions like that.

72 and earlier. Lots of characters being introduced at once. Makes it hard to remember everyone. Also since these characters won't reappear for a while I don't think you need to tell us the names now. Readers aren't going to remember the names much later.

73. He says "women and prisoners". So that means the women are not prisoners? But later it seems like he's freeing them? Confusing.

134 - 143. You spend 9 pages showing him going to sleep and waking up. You could have just skipped to page 143 and written "Next day." Also 143 and 145 could have been one page if you had fewer panels and more dialogue per panel.

156 Text like on this page and the following pages should not be in the comic. Make it a comment below or something.

162. Shouldn't that be "Even in his sleep"?
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Result in thread: Acceleration!!
19th Nov 2019, 6:20 AM #9
Thorsby

Posts: 134
Registration date: 14th Nov 2013
I could not understand all the hand writing. You should not use hand writing. Typed text should be faster to make and easier to read.

I think you are supposed to read from right to left. I did not know that at first, very confusing. You need to tell people that at the start of the comic. Or better idea, make it so people read from left to right.

The two panels with the car, I think the panel where the police is meant to be the second one? But based on how they are placed I would have tough the opposite. Very confusing.

I can't read the sign, and I don't understand what you are talking about with a lawsuit.

"Me and My Girlfriend" I can't read the next word. I think the black haired characters is saying it, but it's not clear.

"We're 15" "and dudes" Took me a while to figure this out. First "We're and" seems like a sentence. If you're not gonna have proper speech bubbles, keep the text apart. Second "15" looks like "is".

The panel where they say their powers is confusingly placed. I don't know what a "fantisista" is or a "kinetic chalget"

After that the panels get more confusing, the text gets harder to read. Stopped reading.
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16th Nov 2019, 6:26 AM #10
Thorsby

Posts: 134
Registration date: 14th Nov 2013
Act I: Panel 2: Letters on magazine too small to easily read.

Act I: panel 9; last panel "you've wanted these for a while" Awkward exposition, she's telling him something he knows.

Act II page 10: Last 2 panels. Can't really tell where this is. Needs a better more zoomed out picture of the outside of the vent.

Act III page 7: Panel 1. What Eric is saying is weird, like he is replying to his thoughts. Would be less weird if he just said "It's that weird guy!"

Act III page 8: Panel 2. because of the speech bubble obscuring the hand, it's really hard to tell what the hand and paper is. I could only tell because of the next panel.

Act III page 10: Panel 1. I think it would have been better if Jim had been in the previous panel, unseen by Eric. Or perhaps even better if Jim had spoken first and then Eric would have been startled by the noise.
Last panel. The piece of paper looks like a wand.

Dividing the chapters into acts seem pointless.
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Result in thread: Superstar Sparky Critique!
14th Nov 2019, 6:00 PM #11
Thorsby

Posts: 134
Registration date: 14th Nov 2013
I think it can be hard to understand your drawings. I manage to figure it own, but not immediately.

Comic 4: I think the person in the black cloak is badly drawn. Too much of a black blob, hard to distinguish individual body parts. This page and some others are a bit blurry.

Comic 5. Not sure what's happening in panel 2. Did the frog steal the ice cream or the cloaked figure throw the ice cream? The background is too busy and it's hard to distinguish between foreground and background. Often a good idea to keep the background directly behind characters simple.In panel 4 I think maybe the main characters expression change too quickly, it's been like a second he should still be in shock.

Comic 6. On the first read through I didn't see the frog getting on the ice cream cone. You should draw the frog better, maybe zoom in on it.

Comic 7. First panel. Took me a while to understand what was above the cloaked figure's head. It's the tent in the distance. but I thought it was a small flying thing.

Comic 9. Not sure what all the lines are. Sunlight?

Comic 10. You often choose difficult angels to draw your characters from. Panel 4 looks pretty bad. Drawing characters straight from the side or front is easier.

I think the story is moving a bit slow.
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13th Nov 2019, 7:01 AM #12
Thorsby

Posts: 134
Registration date: 14th Nov 2013
Hard to say without some context. Why are there Spanish phrases in the original?
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Result in thread: Feedback on color pages
1st Nov 2019, 2:41 AM #13
Thorsby

Posts: 134
Registration date: 14th Nov 2013
I think if you are using colors there should be less black lines.
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13th Sep 2019, 9:16 PM #14
Thorsby

Posts: 134
Registration date: 14th Nov 2013
If it was an influx of new readers thanks to a link, I would think the page count would have risen a lot more, since they probably would have read several pages on average. Kind of looks like the extra readers only looked at one page each. Weird.
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14th Jun 2019, 2:29 PM #16
Thorsby

Posts: 134
Registration date: 14th Nov 2013
I think on the second one, the back arm is too dark. and if it is supposed to be dark from shadow, the claws should be dark too.
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14th Jun 2019, 8:49 AM #17
Thorsby

Posts: 134
Registration date: 14th Nov 2013
Desuburingā Chair. I like this the most, sounds very cool. Don't like the title, as I don't know what it means. An English title is better if you're writing in English.

Vessels. Hard to judge this one. Is it a comedy? is it pro-religion, or anti-religion or neither? Second best.

Mythic Maximum. Using Santa in a subversive way is somewhat cliche. South Park and Sluggy Freelance has done it for instance. Third best.

Hayaku ushinatta. Nothing in the pitch sounded original. An English title is better. Fourth best.

When I say something sounds unoriginal, I could be wrong. A story with an unoriginal premise could still be original in execution.

Might be easier to judge the concepts if I knew if they were comedies or serious.
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Result in thread: How old do they look like ?
11th Jun 2019, 5:39 PM #18
Thorsby

Posts: 134
Registration date: 14th Nov 2013
Prince 23
Beastkiller 30
Chaos. Hard to tell. Maybe 25?
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1st Jun 2019, 10:07 PM #19
Thorsby

Posts: 134
Registration date: 14th Nov 2013
I read the first one. There is a bit where the character says he ends up in Canada. Then there is a picture of him in Canada. Think it would be funnier if you don't say you end up in Canada before showing the picture. So the picture is the punchline. Something like "I looked at the flashing lights and then..." cut to picture.

Maybe overall it would be better if the writing could be shorter and hitting the punchlines harder. Not sure. Also think it should be a straight comic, without text but I guess that's not what you want.
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22nd May 2019, 12:00 AM #20
Thorsby

Posts: 134
Registration date: 14th Nov 2013
There's a few ways to do it. You can make a choose your own adventure where you write all the branches. Lots of work.

You can do it it where people send it in suggestions about what the character should do, or what should happen and you just pick one.

You can have voting on what happens next.

I had an idea once, I'm not gonna use it, of a story about Barbarian adventuring in some caves. And the readers would send it suggestions for things or characters he would encounter. (But not what would happen or what the barbarian would do.) Then I'd pick one suggestion at random and use it. And I would not pick a new suggestion before I had used the old one, so I would not know where the story was going.
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