Result in thread: Mental Healthish Things
5th Mar 2022, 7:31 AM #1
got my second ketamine infusion.
this time the nurse was present, so it was a little less weird.
the first thing that was given to me was another patient questionnaire. i had to fill the same one for the intake.

except for moving/speaking slowly, and trouble concentrating TV, everything i ticked was 3.
they increased my dosage from 30 to 50 and stuck the needle to my right hand. my left hand was bruised which i didn't notice.
i was feeling more introverted so i brought a music player along with my sketchbook.
the effects took longer to hit. so i was able to draw normally at first

at the bottom of the page was when i started to slowly feel the effects. i couldn't focus on drawing another proper head and only wanted to fill in spaces.
i was listening to my calm playlist. so once the effects really hit, the music had a range of impact to my state. songs that were moving to me sober were less so while on ketamine. and songs i've listened to either rarely or millions of times were enmeshing with my perception and it felt profound. i sang out loud or muttered random stuff. i don't normally vocalize even alone. i drew what i felt.

then i was losing my footing with reality. not only i forgot about my depression, but i forgot about my responsibilities in life. it felt like i was free from society. everything i was seeing was a collage cut in triangular pieces, and i wasn't really understanding it. it was just "there" and it felt like "this is it".
i also forgot how to "look" or "operate". so i wasn't able to turn the volume up on my mp3 player, i wasn't sure if i was holding my head up right or looking with a neutral face, and i was fumbling with my watch and not fully comprehending the numbers. i still had the memory to try to record stuff down.

i was just feeling it. i didn't know what i was doing with my pen. i couldn't understand the movements. i would say stuff like "i wish this lasts longer."
towards the end i came to the conclusion similar to my last, how it hurts that i'm always in some sort of pain. i pensively doodled.
it took longer for me to get back to reality. things were not clear and my brain had to "catch up" whenever i looked at different directions. i was slurring like a drunkie.
i'm now a little more calm, and have another nuanced slip of energy. i can't really evaluate how it has affected my more serious symptoms at this time.
in any case doing this has been better for me than playing the waiting game.
this time the nurse was present, so it was a little less weird.
the first thing that was given to me was another patient questionnaire. i had to fill the same one for the intake.

except for moving/speaking slowly, and trouble concentrating TV, everything i ticked was 3.
they increased my dosage from 30 to 50 and stuck the needle to my right hand. my left hand was bruised which i didn't notice.
i was feeling more introverted so i brought a music player along with my sketchbook.
the effects took longer to hit. so i was able to draw normally at first

at the bottom of the page was when i started to slowly feel the effects. i couldn't focus on drawing another proper head and only wanted to fill in spaces.
i was listening to my calm playlist. so once the effects really hit, the music had a range of impact to my state. songs that were moving to me sober were less so while on ketamine. and songs i've listened to either rarely or millions of times were enmeshing with my perception and it felt profound. i sang out loud or muttered random stuff. i don't normally vocalize even alone. i drew what i felt.

then i was losing my footing with reality. not only i forgot about my depression, but i forgot about my responsibilities in life. it felt like i was free from society. everything i was seeing was a collage cut in triangular pieces, and i wasn't really understanding it. it was just "there" and it felt like "this is it".
i also forgot how to "look" or "operate". so i wasn't able to turn the volume up on my mp3 player, i wasn't sure if i was holding my head up right or looking with a neutral face, and i was fumbling with my watch and not fully comprehending the numbers. i still had the memory to try to record stuff down.

i was just feeling it. i didn't know what i was doing with my pen. i couldn't understand the movements. i would say stuff like "i wish this lasts longer."
towards the end i came to the conclusion similar to my last, how it hurts that i'm always in some sort of pain. i pensively doodled.

it took longer for me to get back to reality. things were not clear and my brain had to "catch up" whenever i looked at different directions. i was slurring like a drunkie.
i'm now a little more calm, and have another nuanced slip of energy. i can't really evaluate how it has affected my more serious symptoms at this time.
in any case doing this has been better for me than playing the waiting game.