got my second ketamine infusion.
this time the nurse was present, so it was a little less weird.

the first thing that was given to me was another patient questionnaire. i had to fill the same one for the intake.

except for moving/speaking slowly, and trouble concentrating TV, everything i ticked was 3.

they increased my dosage from 30 to 50 and stuck the needle to my right hand. my left hand was bruised which i didn't notice.
i was feeling more introverted so i brought a music player along with my sketchbook.

the effects took longer to hit. so i was able to draw normally at first

at the bottom of the page was when i started to slowly feel the effects. i couldn't focus on drawing another proper head and only wanted to fill in spaces.

i was listening to my calm playlist. so once the effects really hit, the music had a range of impact to my state. songs that were moving to me sober were less so while on ketamine. and songs i've listened to either rarely or millions of times were enmeshing with my perception and it felt profound. i sang out loud or muttered random stuff. i don't normally vocalize even alone. i drew what i felt.


then i was losing my footing with reality. not only i forgot about my depression, but i forgot about my responsibilities in life. it felt like i was free from society. everything i was seeing was a collage cut in triangular pieces, and i wasn't really understanding it. it was just "there" and it felt like "this is it".
i also forgot how to "look" or "operate". so i wasn't able to turn the volume up on my mp3 player, i wasn't sure if i was holding my head up right or looking with a neutral face, and i was fumbling with my watch and not fully comprehending the numbers. i still had the memory to try to record stuff down.

i was just feeling it. i didn't know what i was doing with my pen. i couldn't understand the movements. i would say stuff like "i wish this lasts longer."

towards the end i came to the conclusion similar to my last, how it hurts that i'm always in some sort of pain. i pensively doodled.

it took longer for me to get back to reality. things were not clear and my brain had to "catch up" whenever i looked at different directions. i was slurring like a drunkie.

i'm now a little more calm, and have another nuanced slip of energy. i can't really evaluate how it has affected my more serious symptoms at this time.
in any case doing this has been better for me than playing the waiting game.

i want to share my first clinically controlled (i think) (i hope) ketamine experience that (might?) be interesting.

sensitive context


less sensitive context


the experience


for those who tried ketamine… was your practice also kind of uh like. nondescript? atypical payment?

for the life of me i can't do logos, haha. i tend to use a simple font and keep at that that. the website title used to be in verdana i think.
otherwise i just clumsily hand draw stuff.

one of my old avatars looked like this:


i don't remember whether the cover or the banner went first... i think the cover... i just hand drew what i thought worked. the title is suppose to connect to a neuron like shape made out of veins with neurotransmitters coming out of it.


then i probably borrowed that style for the banner


and just recently i extracted that for a standalone logo


i tried making edits to an existing font but i couldn't make it work. i only made a rough draft

for those interested in further details about nfts (why it tends to attract the rich/celebrities) i recommend these videos


her other videos are informative too


this goes into a lot of detail

I listened to music all the time while doodling before I started the comic. So I would play certain songs on repeat whether or not I was drawing certain characters and ended up borrowing the titles. The songs wouldn't necessarily reflect the characters.

Which is how I ended up with David, Jason, and Karen. Ironically Delilah wasn't borrowed from a song. I was looking up name meanings.
I also peek at names popular between the 70s and 90s.

As for last names... Sotersby came from Sotheby's which is an auction house for luxury items and art. I paired it with a character who speaks in thesaurus and hates art.

meme


inspiration

lmao all of these horses are too good
i tried this exercise few years ago

first draw by memory
then find a ref similar to memory
then stylize it twice



i wanted to do this again with different animals but never gotten around to it...

googling DA is what i've been doing too haha. blocking stuff tho... haven't thought about that...
thank you so much for the list!! :^D

anyone here figured out how to (somewhat) effectively search for reference via tags?

it was my go-to place for stock photos and it helped me a lot. now i have an impossible time finding what i want haha. it makes me feel like i'm doing something wrong.

my dA is an archive of old art... i use blogspot now as a casual portfolio. artstation is intimidating and trying another deviantart style site i might out of curiosity but i don't know if it will give me any benefits...
i also have a pixiv but i barely update it. i mostly use it to browse other art.

the BL demographic skews younger - and young people are mostly using their phones to read comics. so they're mostly commenting on tapas/webtoons and the creators follow.

then we might wonder why pokemon comics aren't popular on those sites... maybe they are? but most of them here came from smackjeeves which was an old school place. cf matches that niche.

BL feels like a "newer" genre in my mind and congregates on newer places. when yaoi was a thing i registered it as a genre where explicit scenes were anticipated, which these newer sites don't allow as much. readers expect mostly romance in BL, the "extra" is just "nice to have."

and whenever i think of BL i think of kpop boys and the strange culture of pairing them up. yaoi just fell out of fashion i guess.

i dunno i find this stuff fascinating, haha.

thanks guys this was fun and challenging
hi-res images: https://imgur.com/a/eYiNqhq

callmerocket


dankleosteus


KAM


noblejanobii


andygruba

give me a character and i'll draw
something like this

based on feelings impressions

first 5 people

^ this sums it up haha
when I first joined tumblr around... 2009? i was following blogs posting random photos and funny stuff. it was like an art school version of 4chan with livejournal expats. eventually i saw my first media criticism post, which was that big bang wasn't celebrating nerd culture. very eye opening to me at the time. in my memory, stuff like that became a gateway for others to do the same on tumblr and it evolved a lot from there. being more alert at what you consume and create.


this is how i generally feel about posting things. it's tiring to give the internet the same treatment when your household demanded a walking on eggshells approach. i don't expect/want others to do the same for me.
i'm fine with a rating system much more than ousting topics all together.

having said all that, i'm not against people who do tws and the desire for them.


aaaaaaaaaaa yes i was an oekaki regular. i dropped the cookie and i'm still drawing the same characters lmao

I used to be unable to read or watch any media because of subject matter that is harmless to the 99.9%, but used to lead me to crying spells.
From that perspective, the phrase "trigger warning" adds more isolation to an already isolating experience. "Content warning" sounds more like a courtesy thing, which I think works better.

my approach with color is very intuitive like most, but because i don't have a specific process it takes a lot of effort to get a piece or page done. i actually don't (really) enjoy coloring but the results are worth it.

i don't depend on color symbolism but i like to throw in colors with specific meanings to a narrative. red and blue with the association of arteries and veins aka blood are relevant to my comic. i try to arrive at combinations to create a specific "atmosphere" which would be closer to thinking about environmental lighting, but not realistically.

i also think in scenes so i would go with a particular palette and variations of it in one scene and then a different palette for the next.

clip studio has a comic management feature and i like to have this to the side to see how color flows from one scene to the next:

the snippet starts with a light-hearted lunch scene, then we have a pensive scene with the topic of religion, and then it ends with another light-hearted scene but in the classroom.

i like to listen to music for illustrations which can help come up with ideas and colors. music is very distracting working on long projects like a comic though.
and my personal mood can affect the results. if i'm depressed i could unintentionally make the page too dark sometimes, haha

i recommend looking at james gurney's book, color and light. his blog can also provide inspo

No replacement?? That's annoying... I remember seeing the CPAP recalls.
Moving more is helpful. It could be as simple as walking or doing an exercise move now and then. Small things like stairs instead of elevator if you're able to.

I simplified a lot but I hope it was followable, haha. I'm still learning myself. It's better to look into sources.

To be real, it is hard to improve or make changes for sleep. Work/school/society is inflexible to chronotypes outside of early bird and revenge bedtime procrastination affects everyone.

Once upon a time we had more than one sleeps (biphasic instead of monophasic) to cope with no electricity, then the Industrial Revolution cemented a new way of living.
Some places apparently still practice the two-sleep model, and hustle culture is especially allured by polyphasic models (taking a series of short sleeps+naps).
https://www.sleepfoundation.org/how-sleep-works/biphasic-sleep
https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/319425
https://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/features/what-is-segmented-sleep
Interesting to know and maybe you'd wanna try these patterns out. (Personally) I think it's better to focus on getting one good sleep. Segmented sleep can be isolating unless others are doing it too.

it's not just how long you sleep!! it's when you sleep and how you feel after waking up.
otherwise jet lag and shift work complaints wouldn't be a thing.

im so sorry for hijacking this thread haha and you'll probably see why i care. it's tragically a norm to dismiss this stuff and i want to bring more awareness when i can. i hope any wrong details are minimal. sleep research is only...growing. disclaimer: im not doctor i just suffer

if you happen to sleep long hours and wake up feeling fine, then it's probably an individual need. it doesn't hurt to explore potential problems tho.
if you sleep long hours and wake up feeling unrefreshed, then there's something going on.
https://thesleepdoctor.com/2018/07/16/yes-you-can-sleep-too-much-heres-why-oversleeping-is-a-problem/

outside of things like sleep apnea, hypothyroidism, idiopathic hypersomnia, vitamin deficiencies, poor sleep habits, i could go on... another thing to look into if you sleep too much or too little is your circadian rhythm/sleep schedule.

your body has biological clocks and they help maintain a rhythm it needs to regulate your temperature, release hormones, and other bodily functions. it builds up "sleep pressure" throughout the day so you could sleep. sleeping outside of your rhythm causes health risks such as cardiovascular disease, immune problems, etc etc.
https://www.sleepfoundation.org/circadian-rhythm

so it's important for the average person to have a consistent sleep schedule, even on weekends. for most of the population it's sleeping at night and waking up in the morning. dark/light cues. 11 pm-6 am or something. times vary for each individual. you don't have to be on the dot but don't get too wild.

a circadian rhythm disorder is when you chronically maintain an abnormal sleep schedule, and you can only function in those weird sleep schedules. sleeping outside of your weird internal rhythm throws your body off and you'll be building up sleep debt or sleeping at hours your body doesn't want to. the timings are very difficult to change.
i'm only specifying the intrinsic types, the extrinsic ones are jet lag and shift work which are more controllable. stress could also cause weird sleep schedules and mimic CRD.
https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Teresa-Valerio/publication/43161789/figure/fig4/AS:669652552257552@1536669018863/Circadian-Rhythm-Sleep-Disorders-Diagnostic-Criteria.png
https://emedicine.medscape.com/article/1188944-overview

(now for my sob story)


aside non-24, other types of circadian rhythm disorders are irregular sleep-wake (more likely in people with neurodegenerative diseases), advanced sleep-wake (usually old people waking up very early), and delayed sleep phase which i see the most.

with DSPD you can only sleep late at night or in the weird hours in the morning. you would do better picking up a later shift or class if you don't do treatment.
if you find yourself consistently maintaining the late sleep hour-late wake, and feel a lot more normal sleeping that way, you might want to look into this. keyword is consistently.
people with ADHD tend to have this. it's also common in teens, but it can be grown out of it (especially if paired with better sleeping habits) (school sucks)
http://www.sleephealthfoundation.org.au/pdfs/Delayed-Sleep-Phase-Syndrome.pdf
https://stanfordhealthcare.org/medical-conditions/sleep/delayed-sleep-phase-syndrome.html
https://www.aastweb.org/blog/attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder-and-delayed-sleep-phase-syndrome-may-be-linked

so anyone who struggles with their hours or schedule and it impairs functioning should analyze why it's happening.
things i've picked up over the years of banging my head against the wall:

• The problem could be just stress and life stuff. Those can be hard to fix yeah.
• Ageing changes how much you need sleep.
• Examine your medications, especially mental health ones. Take sleepy ones near bedtime or change if you can.
• Look into "Sleep hygiene" -- Basically living habits sleep docs would be prepared to bring up for most patients. Some of these might be easy to do and the rest can be built slowly.
Points of interest:
~Your body wants cooler temps at bedtime which is why poor quality or fragmented sleep tends to happen over the summer.
~Your body slows its metabolism around bedtime, so eating heavy meals will stress digestion and you may not get good sleep or be able to sleep.
~Careful not to take long naps to "make up" sleep. Try to get close to bedtime to sleep. https://www.sleepfoundation.org/how-sleep-works/sleep-debt-and-catch-up-sleep
~Make sure bed is actually comfy. Tidy up bedroom if that's a relaxing Aesthetic.
~Don't stay in bed awake for too long. Your body doesn't want to sleep so it's best to get up and do a relaxing activity like reading math.
• Fill sleep diaries. Print a couple. Mark activities and meals so you can see their impacts which take time to see.
• You don't have to be overweight to get sleep apnea, but overweight people are likely to get them.
• Conversely being underweight can challenge sleep.
• See a primary care doc and they'll examine and/or get you a referral if you think this needs attention.
• If you see a sleep specialist bring the diaries. If you've been using the visual ones the bars will be more striking for them, numbers tend to bring cursory glances (in my experience...)
• If they suggest melatonin, you don't need ones above 5 mg unless they say so. Consider the quality/added ingredients in the supplement. Weird/Bad dreams are a common side effect.
• There are strides being made to make an overnight sleep study comfortable, but they're generally not. Don't feel bad. PS: If you have boobs wear a comfy bra cuz technicians will be sensoring all over.
• Look up CBT-I (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia) to foster better mental connections with sleep. Find someone who specializes this.

and...good luck. sleep sleep sleep.

TL;DR Consistent sleep schedule is important, circadian rhythm disorders exist.

i was either uninterested or gay at first. the appeal of boy bands outside of music was mysterious to me.
sixth grade hit me hard with those girl crushes. eventually i got approached by guys and i gave them a chance lol.
i've had intimate encounters with both but more men ask for a relationship.

getting ideas in the process. i edit upcoming pages/chapters often and seeing improvement is very satisfying.

reactions are fun too. it's different from what i'm used to.

I suppose "indie." Which is either appealing or unappealing depending who you ask. They see the front page, and it's mostly comics with small sub counts.

I think most people want to see polished looking webcomics, kinda like what you expect to see in manga or graphic novels. They share the comic with other people, located either on Tapas or Webtoons, and those new readers may browse the rest of the site and see more comics with 100k subs.
Twitter tends to do that to people - Making one trust the opinion of a person with 10k subs more than the random guy with 40. There are extensions dedicated to hiding these numbers so you don't get influenced.
And the idea that the webcomic scene is a growing business with studios involved is also interesting for people to gather and speculate.

Whenever I share this place people get hooked finding small gems and seeing the breadth of perspectives in the comics here, but I think people are getting less accustomed to browsing websites that don't have the social media look.

Since the UI is the same in all comics on Tapas and Webtoons, users only need to figure out how this one layout works. They could focus on scrolling and trust that it'll look fine on their phone as well.
While Comicfury now has a similar feature and I think it works great, not all comics has the link to it and readers miss it.

It's kind of like Neocities which is a Geocities revival. There's an active community and I could get lost browsing at the sites forever, but you have to want to enjoy navigating unconventional/old school layouts. Joining on the experience means desiring to make a site from scratch and being familiar with HTML/CSS, which is a hurdle for most people.