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"I Don't Have Time To Review Your Comic!", 19th May 2013, 7:54 PM #1
Caley Tibbittz Collopy
Sword dude
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But I'm doing it anyway!

PLEASE PUT A LINK TO YOUR COMIC IN YOUR POST!

Hi. My name is Caley Tibbittz. I write and draw Eternal Knights, and spent 10 years taking a weekly graphic arts class learning how to do so. I have studied everything from The Marvel Way to Andrew Loomis. I have also read several volumes regarding story structure and screenwriting, taking and applying and eventually disregarding copious notes. I was home-educated, and I enjoy a variety of pies.


I enjoy trying new comics, and I would be happy to review yours. No restrictions, no minimum pages, no queue to fill. I get very bored at work so while I half-ass that I will review ANY and EVERY comic posted in this thread.

I may have some insight on how to improve things, or, if your comic is already perfect, I may subscribe, recommend that everyone else do so, feature it in my review blog, and give you gushing pull quotes that could come in handy if I'm ever famous and you're looking at a print run.

So. Lay 'em on me.


P.S. Please do let me know if you are a hobbyist or trying to go pro, as that will affect the thrust of my review.
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19th May 2013, 11:06 PM #2
Lady Jean

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I'd really appreciate a review.

Chapter one is done and I have some filler stuff at the end. Chapter two will be starting on the 24th and I'm definitely a hobbyist.

Could you please focus on story and character since that is a strength of yours? Thanks!
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19th May 2013, 11:17 PM #3
GigaNerd17

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I'd be honored if you'd be willing to review Level 30 Psychiatry for us. :D

Guybrush20X6, TheMightyBox, and I do the writing, coloring, and line art (respectively), so if you could keep that in mind, it'd make things more applicable to each of us. As far as I know, all three of us are just hobbyists (although I do wish to enter the web & graphic design field in a couple of years, but certainly not with this comic).
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19th May 2013, 11:25 PM #4
craybest

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Hey there, I would love to hear your opinion on my webomic Generatino Alpha.
I'm actually tring to go pro to be honest (since you asked us to tell you), I know there's still lots of things I have to learn, but I firmly believe that practice observation and perseverance are the key. This webcomic is mainly intended for me to apply all of them. :)
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19th May 2013, 11:29 PM #5
Unka John

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I wouldn't mind getting a few pointers. I don't think "going pro" is in the cards though.
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20th May 2013, 12:41 AM #6
Mayyday

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I'm always up for people critiquing my stuff; have a go at Zelfia.

You can either start at the beginning and witness all the growing pains, or you can just start with Year Two; it opens with a recap of Year One anyway.


I'm not sure if I'd ever go pro, but if I did, it wouldn't be for another two years at least; prior commitments eat most of my time right now.
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20th May 2013, 1:54 AM #7
MooingMoe

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Hmm, I wonder what I can improve on.. My comic thats serious is Melancholy Bubbles and its 13 pages long, plus growing.

I honestly want to go pro in the future but for now I am 14, busy with school and obsessing over random stuff like, voodoo and fish.
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20th May 2013, 2:02 AM #8
gary cramer

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Go ahead and give it to me, my friend. Going pro is always the goal every time I put pencil to paper. Let me know if I'm going to be famous tomorrow or years from now.... or never?!!!
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20th May 2013, 2:15 AM #9
Doodstormer

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I suppose I can put Turner & Hercules up on the chopping block, since you seem like a pretty reasonable guy and probably won't trash it too badly.

As for whether I'm going to go pro, that's a bit of a tricky question. I'm starting a 4-year program in Game Design this fall, so I plan to be a professional in the business of art, but comics aren't exactly the medium I expect to make my living in. I started T&H partially to get myself to experiment with architecture, vehicles, scenery, and other stuff that I'm not as practiced in as with human beings, along with refining my sense of story flow.

So I guess I wouldn't mind hearing the professional side, since I'll be hearing it a lot in college soon anyway!


EDIT: If you wouldn't mind, could you PM me when you get around to my comic? Occasionally I accidentally delete my thread subscriptions and forget to check on things, and I'd hate to miss your review!
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20th May 2013, 2:22 AM #10
Centcomm
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Ill throw my hat in if you want :D Datachasers propably the last years worth .. that should be a long time..

and I have no clue if im a hobbiest or whatnot ..
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20th May 2013, 2:33 AM #11
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Lady SNAFU:I'd really appreciate a review.

Chapter one is done and I have some filler stuff at the end. Chapter two will be starting on the 24th and I'm definitely a hobbyist.

Could you please focus on story and character since that is a strength of yours? Thanks!

God, more like a strength of YOURS. Read on to see what I mean:

Unvanquishable (You can all open it in new window and follow along, like commentary! Or, not!)

Comic 2: I'm wondering what program you're using to make this; if it's Photoshop, I'm wondering why the "crawl" on page 2 isn't slanted up like it is in the movies. I actually never liked the slant and prefer this, but I'm curious.

Comic 3: I like the approach to the lettering quite a lot, and I rarely like anything even slightly non-standard. So, good instincts there. The story telling is more than solid. Art tip: when someone is staring off into the horizon, it's better if the last roll/bump of horizon isn't about 20 feet away. A second horizon beyond the rocks with the line in about the middle of his hood would really augment the effect.

Comic 4: Wow, this dialogue sings. Short, sweet, informative, engaging... belissimo? I think that's the word for it. I'm impressed.

Comic 5: NOOOOOOOO!!!

...allow me to explain: there are balloons overlapping characters for no reason all over the place here. That should be avoided like the Plague with a capital PLAGUE. I only ever use it for effect, to have one character's words visually "pull" at another character, like in this page of my comic -- in panel 4, I knew where Kathryn was going to be and designed the panel to overlap the dialogue to have Erica's words "touch" and "pull at" Kathryn:

image

Otherwise, look for ANYWHERE else to place balloons and captions other than the panel's main elements. Also: typo in the last panel (you meant "known", not "know").


Even in hobby comics, we want to avoid overlapping balloons and typos as much as possible.


Comic 6: This character work is wonderful. And I don't usually like captions, but you're handling them like a pro.

Comic 7: The BG was worth it. Art tip: the last panel would work better shot from below; you don't get a sense of danger looking at a character flying over low ground from a flat Wes Anderson-y shot like this.

Comic 8: Lively work, a lot of fun. I got a Spider-man vibe.

Comic 9: Excellent pacing, and again very fun. Art tip: The sleeve line is in a tangent or "connects" with the BG; tangents ruin the sense of depth by connecting foreground and background elements.

Comic 10: Engaging, wonderful character work, snappy but not overly-cute dialogue... you have to keep in mind, as only a mild fan of Star Wars, the fact that this is a Star Wars universe outing on its own is doing almost nothing for me. The quality of the work, however, makes it very engaging. Ending the page on a question/indentity about to be revealed/cliffhanger of any kind = always good.


Lettering tip: rarely do two different typefaces for dialogue improve anything. It's almost always unnecessary, and doesn't seem to add anything here.


Comic 11: GREAT reveal. However, the inverted balloon tails don't work at ALL.

Comic 13: The lettering/balloon situation here is pretty rough. The point size could be a hair smaller. And the looooooooooong tail in pane 3 is weird; there's no reason to throw that dialogue all the way to the left side when there's room to the right of the speaking character, who has a second balloon there anyway. Also, the Sith's dialogue touches his balloon border, which could have been avoided.

Comic 14: Liking the dialogue and story, balloons are driving me crazy. I imagine I'm going to post this a lot, but here's what you -- and the letterers of every comic getting this wrong -- need to see:

Before:
image

After:
image


/oldmanyellsatcloud.


...but I'm right. Anyhoo:

Comic 15: Oh! My heart almost breaks, this emotional bit about the journals is SO. WELL. DONE.

Comic 16: I thought the same thing about the name, but wasn't going to mention it. I love it when characters point out their own nits. Fun.

Comic 17: The colors are getting richer as we go, which is nice.

Comic 19: Dragon upshot is wonderful. The sense of scale is scaley, in that I sense it.

Comic 21: The jump from the Sith's landing on the prior page to swordfighting at the start of this one feels jump-y.

Comic 22: The divide between these fast friends is well played. You really know your way around a script. You're so bloody efficient, I'm jealous. I have to STRAIN to pare my work down to what it is, and it's probably still a hair verbose. You're just lean and mean. Kudos.

Comics 24 and 25: Wha-huh? Guh-bluh? They're pretty fun though.


Overall: this comic is VERY well written and sprightly and engaging as all hell. You might *think* you're a hobbyist, but there are a LOT of pros desperately straining to be Frank Miller clones STILL in this day and age who don't know what to do with captions half as well as you seem to effortlessly know.

The art communicates very well, and has a great energy to it. The overall storytelling is crystal clear and just plain fun. It's very easy to get into and like this comic. The only thing that could stand a good measure of improvement is the lettering and balloon placement.

I can't believe I'm subscribing to a STAR WARS FAN COMIC. Wow.
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20th May 2013, 9:05 PM #12
Lady Jean

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Tibbittz:

Overall: this comic is VERY well written and sprightly and engaging as all hell. You might *think* you're a hobbyist, but there are a LOT of pros desperately straining to be Frank Miller clones STILL in this day and age who don't know what to do with captions half as well as you seem to effortlessly know.

The art communicates very well, and has a great energy to it. The overall storytelling is crystal clear and just plain fun. It's very easy to get into and like this comic. The only thing that could stand a good measure of improvement is the lettering and balloon placement.

I can't believe I'm subscribing to a STAR WARS FAN COMIC. Wow.


Wow, this is an incredibly thorough review. Thank you so much for setting aside time to give such great feedback!
The dialogue placement example images really cleared up what you were talking about and I will definitely attempt to improve as we go into chapter two. Glad to hear that I'm not being too short and quick with the dialogue; I was a bit worried I was moving to fast for readers to get to know the characters.

Thank you again for the feedback, and thanks for subscribing!
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"I'd be also be honored", 20th May 2013, 11:48 PM #13
kwbarrett

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I like your work a lot, and probably should comment on it more. But I would love a review.

Trying to work the pro angle, probably more as a writer than a wholistic creator, but I do loves me to do some art.
20th May 2013, 11:52 PM #14
LooeyQ

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I would love a review from ya! :D I am trying to go some what pro! :)

Heres a link to my first page:
Mad dog :)

Thanks a bunches!
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"I Would Love a Review", 21st May 2013, 12:51 AM #15
Mister W

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I'll take a review if you have the time. I update every Saturday and have only been doing this for 4 weeks but I'd like to hear what you have to say. Well, I guess I'd be reading it not hearing it but you know what I mean. zerO cool

thanks a lot.
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21st May 2013, 12:58 AM #16
silently-vocal

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If you have the time, a review on my godawful sprite comic would be appreciated
21st May 2013, 1:15 AM #17
Caley Tibbittz Collopy
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Thanks for the new (and old) step-ups; as promised, I will review EVERY comic posted. Eventually.

Here's the latest:

GigaNerd17:I'd be honored if you'd be willing to review Level 30 Psychiatry for us. :D

Guybrush20X6, TheMightyBox, and I do the writing, coloring, and line art (respectively), so if you could keep that in mind, it'd make things more applicable to each of us. As far as I know, all three of us are just hobbyists (although I do wish to enter the web & graphic design field in a couple of years, but certainly not with this comic).


Level 30 Psychiatry

Comic 1: The first panel looks WAY too verbose but reads surprisingly smoothly with solid jokes. Lettering tip: we want to avoid bouncing like a rubber ball in regard to balloon placement; the "stealth mode" joke would compliment the page better if it were place above the speaker and not below, since we then have to "bounce" back up to read the rest. The page continues to entertain despite being wordy, though I think it would have been stronger if stopped at the flier joke.

Lettering tip: when you overlap balloons, don't have the character speaking last be overlapped by someone speaking before them. Really, the only reason to overlap balloons is to give the effect of one character cutting the other off, as demonstrated here (panels 1 and 5):

image

...overlapping the other way REVERSES TIME.

Ease of use note: I don't like not being able to click the comic image itself to move to the next page.

Comic 2: Solid first "real" strip. Normally spriting figures (and an EXPLOSION) this closely would apear cheap (I sprite often about as much but use cropping and patch art to liven it up), but as these are VIDEO GAME characters, artistic repetition suits them.

Lettering tip #447: Varying size of dialogue text should be done ONLY to indicate a change in volume, like here, where James and Arayna speak semi-quietly behind Kathryn, but then get lazy about things and rise to her original volume:

image[/URL]

Dialogue sizes should NOT get smaller just because you have, like, a bunch of words and don't wannt cut 'em and stuff.


CUT 'EM AND STUFF.

/rant. But I am right.

Also, it would be nice (yes, we're still on comic #2) if her last balloon didn't overlap her -- there's plenty of "dead" space above her or on the explosion itself.

Comic 3: Funny comic, but more issues with lettering and dialogue. The final panel is so horribly overcrowded that I didn't even notice Knuckles' top balloon at first. The reading order in that panel is hard to divine.

Lettering tip #4,000,000: the only reason to overlap a balloon onto a previous panel is to direct the reader to the panel the balloon is in. You don't want to do that here, because we would skip to the end of the comic. To reuse the same EK example I used earlier, look at how I've used balloons overlapping panels to lead the reader through the page (not normally something most gag comics need):

image

Your last panel here didn't have to be so tight to bursting, since panel 2 is enormous and insanely wordy for no specific reason (though the eBay joke is the highlight of this particular strip). The last panel should have been the largest to avoid all of this AND having the bad guy covered up by a balloon.

Comic 4: Much better lettering all around, but the pill bottle in panel 1 is a little hard to "read". It would be better if her hand were more behind and less wrapped around it.

Comic 5: Good premise for joke, but the overlapping balloons LOOK. SO. CROWDY. Joke is choked, no one can breathe...

Comic 6: A bit jumpy and haphazard after the first three panels. At least the balloons have speace this time, even though the tails are overlapping onto the characters for LITERALLY. NO. REASON.

AT.

ALL.

Screw it, I'm posting this again:

Before:
image

After:
image

/digress.

Comic 7: Does Link not talk? I'm not the biggest gamer. If he doesn't talk, this is hilarious BUT panel 4 is a weird jump away from the narrative. We should see some element of the other panels here. If it's occuring in another space, we should see the doctor looking bored or drinking water or some such. It has a Family Guy cutaway quality to it, and I know that's not what you were aiming for.

Comic 8: Guest comic. It's weird that you apologize for breaking an arc; I don't have a sense there's a solid progressing narrative here yet. Anyway. I like the very VIDEO GAME look here. LOTS of space for dialogue.

DESIGN COMPLIMENT: both in this guest strip and in the regular strips, I really like the design of the lady doctor. I don't recognize her, so I don't know whether she's an original character or not, but she looks cool.

Comic 9: Very well-constructed and well-timed joke. Still too many words; not only does it choke the art, but this many words in a gag strip become a chore to read. Since your backgrounds are simple colors and shapes, you should be able to shrink art if you MUST have all the word you've written present; there's not reason to cram them like they are in panel 2.

Comic 64: I wish I could comment on each and every strip, but I DON'T HAVE TIME TO REVIEW YOUR COMICS! God, I love to hear myself type -- anyway, this punchline is only okay for me, but I'd like to focus on a solid positive and an annoying negative.

SOLID POSITIVE: The art has gotten noticeably better. It's a little softer and flowier now. And the layout has improved, leaving LOTS of room for words. And there aren't TOO MANY words.

ANNOYING NEGATIVE: With all this space, a balloon and tail still cover part of a character for a very good reason -- oop, sorry that was NO REASON AT ALL. Argh.


Overall: the jokes are cute and sharp and clever, if a bit overwritten for a gag strip. The art gets the job done and gets better at that job as it goes. The high concept is great. I mean really great. Definitely a solid diversion for game nerds.
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21st May 2013, 1:26 AM #18
Caley Tibbittz Collopy
Sword dude
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Oh, and please pardon me using my own comic pages as examples; if I had time, I'd use Photoshop and illustrator to edit comics like I did with My Mediocre Mind, but if you've read the thread title, then you know... you do know...
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21st May 2013, 3:02 PM #19
jas

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Okay, I'll throw my hat in the ring. Please review Super Chibi Girl.

If it helps, you can break it down by the issue/chapter (we're on chapter 3 now) or however you like.
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22nd May 2013, 12:33 AM #20
Caley Tibbittz Collopy
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craybest:Hey there, I would love to hear your opinion on my webomic Generation Alpha.
I'm actually tring to go pro to be honest (since you asked us to tell you), I know there's still lots of things I have to learn, but I firmly believe that practice observation and perseverance are the key. This webcomic is mainly intended for me to apply all of them. :)


Generation Alpha

Before we get into the actual comics, lets talk about titles. Buffy the Vampire Slayer, while wordy, is a great title. It tells you a lot about what you're getting into. Star Trek is a great title. Star Wars is a great title.

Eternal Knights? Eh... it's a little dry, but you know to expect immortal knights. There could be armor.

Generation Alpha? I'm not sure what to expect. It sounds vaguely cool-ish in a '90s way, and if I break it down, well, generation probably means young, and Alpha is first... first superheroes? I will read on...

Cover: I like the composition, and I like that it communicates what we're getting -- mostly normal looking people with fantastic powers. The photo in the background seems oddly photographic for this style; if you're going to paste photos in this comic, you really need to run them through some Photoshop filters to "art" them up a bit. Or trace them.

Kickass note: this cover would be cooler with the elements under the logo overlapping the logo instead (the gun and what appear to be gems or ice crystals).

Rendering/shadows: the lighting is a little inconsistent, especially for a cover. The crystal guy's left arm has too much black in it; the shadowing on our right side of that arm doesn't need to be there at all. Until you "know" light and shadow and little better by heart, you should be trying to learn it by using photoreferenc, or, even better, TAKING your own photoreference. I used to take a photo for almost every shot; it's time-consuming, but you end up learning a LOT.

On to the comic part of the comic --

Page 1: Nice upshot, perfectly overwhelming. Normally I'd say the scream shouldn't overlap the doctor, but it kinda works here. What DOESN'T work are the two caption boxes touching the outlines of the same and another doctor. Either overlap more fullly or not at all.

Page 2: Love the pacing here. The visual elements that are focused on are wonderfully jumpy and unsettling.

Color note: the use of color here is nicely done, but the actual "surface" or rendering of the color is not really of professional standard. But the power effects look good fine.

Page 3: That balloon tail should NOT overlap your character. It looks weird. Solid page though. The bear is hilarious.

Boobs note: Her chest looks very strange in her shirt. Most of the lines across her breasts could be removed. I tend to use photoreference for breasts, clothed or otherwise; they're harder to draw than something all men stare at constantly should be.

LESS IS MORE. This is really hard to learn as an artist, but you don't want to draw EVERY POSSIBLE LINE that could be theoretically observed. Draw enough lines to make it look like the other lines are there. Or, put another way, draw as many construction lines as you want, but only ink the ones you need.

Page 4: Again, good pacing and storytelling -- but there are issues. In panel 2, her eyes are not on the same line (I have a LOT of trouble with this myself). In panel 3, her hand is too small; because of this, it looks like she has a reverse left hand that she's holding up for her peripheral vision. And the captions are too far into the margin for print. The coloring looks a little better here.

Page 5: It's odd that her thought is unpunctuated in panel 2, and the first dot of the balloon trail doesn't need to overlap her. In panel 3, we have a big problem with the guy's right eye (on our left) -- it's flat like he's facing us, and not really in perspective.

My art teacher gave me a great tip once, which was to lightly draw the eyeball in your construction drawing so that you think of it as a globe or ball.

In the last panel, her "???" adds nothing, because the eyes are nicely expressive already. I wish this was zoomed out slightly so there wasn't a dialogue balloon on a face. You don't want balloons on characters, but you REALLY don't want them on faces.

Page 6: Another couple of overlapping tails for no reason, but we have bigger fryable fish here -- the running kid. His pose is fairly realistic, but it's also an odd choice of "freeze frame"; it's a tight, boxed-in section of movement. His left hand should really be behind him, and he should be further from the guy behind him; they can be close, but they appear to be an inch or two apart. Under an arm's length = why doesn't he just grab the kid?

Now, the bottom half of the page -- the "But... what?" caption adds nothing, while the "Ma'am" joke is cute. The last two panels are odd; she should be looking stage right to face the guy chasing the kid. If you flipped her, then the captions she's thinking could overlap from the previous panel, giving you room to keep them OFF HER EYE.

Lettering tip: even if you feel you MUST put a caption or balloon on a character, NEVER put it on their eyes or mouth.

Balloon tip: only break dialogue into multiple balloons if you have NO space for a wider balloon (hopefully this is avoided but I am guilty myself), or if the dialogue is written to be broken into more than one balloon. Here, the attacker and the kid each have a single sentence spread across two balloons for NO REASON AT ALL.

Page 7: I like the guy's unusual response to whether he'd hit a lady, but since it's in an action panel, it's overwritten; "It's my hobby!" would be better. The lady seems over-curved/hunched in panel two, but everything is clear.

Point size tip: your point size is too big. Print it out at the size of a comic, and compare it to a comic. Then make it smaller. I made mine to match the point size in Planetary.

Also, it would be nice if things had been arranged better so that Kid-chaser McRapey didn't have a balloon coverin up his evil butt. Since jeans are easy to recognize from even only seeing a small part of them, his jean-butt could have been cropped almost 50% to the left, leaving room for his dialogue above the lady.

The "!!!" -- and really, pretty much ALL punctuation-only captions, could be taken out.

BTW, that punch looks good and punchy. The reader FEELS it. The blur is not needed unless he has superpowers, but still, solid drawing there.

Page 8: I'd lose the shadow on the front of her nose until the last panel, but otherwise, nicely done page here. Clear, solidly drawn, cinematic, well-paced, and with well-placed captions. Yeah, his dialogue overlaps his face, but it's not... not that big a...

ARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!

Screw it, I'm posting this again:

Before:
image

After:
image

/digress.

Page 9: Powerful page. I like how expressive she is, and the effect is well done. Downsides: her chest is soupy, and her hips, lower legs, and feet are too small. Her arms are a hair long, but it doesn't stick out as much (to me, anyway).

The scream overlapping her works well, connecting the outburst to her.

Page 10: Solid, clear, well-told page. More balloon and tail overlaps onto characters that could have been easily avoided, and his eye in panel 5 has too much "globe" sticking out. Nice use of silhouettes in the last panel.

Page 11: The pages are starting to get consistently better here. I like the framing of these panels. However, the shadow on his face in panel 1 doesn't work right. It helps again to find a photo, or --

Mirror tip: keep a mirror in your drawing space. I have a mirror on a stand behind my drawing table -- not only is it a great way to watch yourself slowly age and then die, but it helps using your own face as a reference for light and shadow and expression.

That last panel, the upshot of her face, is well constructed. Good work, that's a hard shot to get right.

Page 12: Laura's too beanpole, the "surgeon" has a distended left shoulder, and the balloon overlap is overlappy, but otherwise good work here. Too many shadows on her face in panel 2 though; the one on her nose can't exist in reality with the one on her left cheek. And her right eye looks funky, way too wide compared to the other one.

Page 13: Laura's face is a bit of a mess here, with the eyes clearly not resting on the same line. I don't think the speed/burst line effect should be over the figures here, but definitely not so tight that it's over the faces.

Page 14: I like this page, and I like the long lead-up to it. I like the joke that ends the page. The only thing that doesn't work is the stiff "Here's my specific power!" declarations. Out of a group, only maybe one is going to be that direct and robotic about it.

Page 15: The lines on her chest/shirt are still an issue, as is balloon placement. I've talked about balloons a lot, so I'll let you observe the rest and focus on the most problematic in panel 5. It's on her nose. ON. HER. NOSE.

Oh NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSE!!!!

What I would do to fix it is have the lettering run along on the flat top of the panel border and fill as much of the top of the panel with it as possible; her hair would sadly have a balloon on it, but better her hair than her NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSE!!!

I'm silly. Like Whocter Dho.

Page 16: A good example of why we don't like balloons and tails overlapping characters -- in panel 1, it looks as though her eye is speaking. Her eye is not speaking. At least, I assume it isn't BUT THIS IS COMICS ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN!!!

Also, the line "she seemed to know more about the origin of our abilities" sounds very British. It's not the way most people would put it.

Page 17: Very clear and well told, and it leads the eye very nicely with objects/people/whatever slanting from the right of the page down toward the new lefts at each panel tier. Nicely drawn hand at the bottom TOUCHING THE BALLOON.

/tangent.

/getit?

Laura's head isn't long enough from face to rear of head in panel 2.

Also: how is it surprising that money and contacts can get you things? That line's a little off. I'd have a wiseass character add something like "...and money and good looks can get you women -- weird, right?"

Page 18: If you don't want to overlap regular figures with balloons, you REALLY don't want to overlap silhouettes? "Why?", you snarl demandingly? Solidly drawn overall, but the shadow on the left (our right) side of the face in panel two should be removed -- there's a light shining on him from the computer screen. No shadow in the light. NO SHADOW. NUN. FLYING NUN AT ALL.

I like the dialogue on this page, it's pretty strong and fun. Fun = good.

Page 19: Compare this running to the running kid on page 6 and you'll understand why I don't like the running kid nearly as well. These runners are runnier than my allergy nose.

Arrow Guy is fun. There's so much room though so MOVE HIS DIALOGUE OFF OF HIM PLEASE HIS SHOULDER IS SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD it got dressed for NOTHING.

Page 20: The balloons overlapping upward from panels 2 and 3 are distracting. Balloons should only overlap panels to lead the eye like I did here:

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Yours are leading the eye... back up for no reason. And we've had issues with Laura's chest on several pages, but here it looks like she's missing a boob. Also, you want to avoid cutting off hands and feet like that.

Joint tip: where you light it.

Kidding. I hate marijuana, it smells gross at Wallflowers concerts.

Joint tip: don't cut characters off at joints, it looks weird.

Page 21: This page looks pretty nice, but the dialogue is pretty cliche and cartoonish. It's just... it's a weird thing to announce.

Page 22: Solid, although some of the arms are overly long. Also, they don't really have time for the dialogue in midair. There should be a second "we just tumbled to a landing and grumbled about the trip" panel for this.

Page 23: NICE BOOBS. Seriously, they're both there and they look boob-y. Well done. The twist is great, page ends on a cliffhanger, and I want to know MOAR. I'll let you work out the balloon issues here.

Page 24: BEST. PAGE. SO. FAR.

I had a quote paraphrased to me once by a comic art teacher, which I will further reparaphrase: "You have to draw 500 comic pages before you know what you're doing." Well, we're on page 24 and you're starting to OWN IT. I'm also starting to see your style gel -- there are hints of Romita and Garney here, but it's still firmly YOU. The color's gotten better too.

Page 25: I like the joke at the end of the page, but I'd split it so the set is on the left of the "frog".

Page 26: I LOLd, funniest page so far. Nicely rendered overall and wonderfully cinematic. Anatomy nit: blonde guy's right arm looks real, and his left cartoony and a bit "off".

The backgrounds on this page are very nice.

Page 27: Good page, solid anatomy overall. It looks like you're starting to back off from redundant pools of black shadow here, and it looks better. You're letting the color handle more of the rendering, a process many artists have to go through.

Page 28: Nice menacing twist ending. The head in panel two could be better constructed, but I struggle a LOT with that particular angle, so much so that I tend to avoid it. Though having a mirror to draw from and my little grey Sideshow Toys art mannequins helps.


Overall: This book is a bit of a '90s throwback, which I think is a good thing. I miss the '90s. The art has a lot of issues and also a lot of strengths. The passion and energy is there, but you need more reference -- draw from photos, draw from a mirror, draw from a life class, and draw from ANDREW LOOMIS books.

The characters are VERY differentiated, which is nice. The dialogue is mostly clever and fun, and the jokes are actually funny -- they don't try and fail, they actually ARE funny.

This is not yet a truly professional effort on all levels, but you're doing a wonderful job of trying. And you're succeeding some of the time, enough that I was never bored and I'd like to know what happens next, even if I'm still not entirely clear on or sold on the title.

P.S. Please please please please please DO NOT BE DISCOURAGED by all the nits I've picked. I spent a LOT of time on this one, because you remind me of a young me in my intermediate stage. This is good work, and I KNOW you can do even better. How? 'Cause this is what my work used to look like:

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Yeah.

I mean... yeah.

Who'd've thunk I'd get as far as I did? You're further along than I was when I started -- don't stop. Keep trying. Need help with something? You, specifically, not just everyone but YOU? PM me. I'll point you in the right direction.

P.P.S Subscribed. :)
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(Formerly known as Pigtails McBonergiraffe)
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Forum > Critique > I Don't Have Time To Review Your Comic!
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