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3rd Jul 2013, 6:15 AM #121
Caley Tibbittz Collopy
Sword dude
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Posts: 4541
Registration date: 6th Mar 2012
Location: , location -- they say it's important. But where you are can be gone, in the smallest of moments. When breath it gets ragged, when the blood won't stay in... I fought death for your love -- I couldn't possibly win.
RINKEL:Woo! Total hobbyist right here!

When I was younger I wanted to go pro but now my professional career is geared towards animation so comics are a very cherished hobby of mine (I may try to eventually do a kickstarter thing or hand out books at cons or some shit like that).

A review of TMoS would be appreciated. :3


I love the title, and you have done wonders with the template on your site.

Cover: The cover is lush and nicely detailed. I'm not sure we NEED to know it's a "historical fantasy" in the actual image; regardless, that section of the text is overly dark and saturated, as are the tops of all the big letters in the title (IMO, anyway).

2/disclaimer. Can't you just flip the pages? Also, your JPEG compression is HARSH.

3/prologue. I hate most prologues, but this one is solid and efficient, giving us presuambly just enough contect to understand what's coming. Instead of being a small novel. So, good.

4/title page. Overal I like this a lot, but it's a little pastel. Also, my mother taught me to always color in the same direction on the same object, which would help the tan skirt a little. NITS BE PICKED, YO.

Page 1 (proper). I like your style here, it's very clean. I would get rid of the effects on the letters which are VERY distracting, especially for this kind of story which takes place BEFORE COM-PEW-TORS. Also, I'd reletter the hand-written bit; it's mildly illegible.

I DO NOT NEED GLASSES.

2. Eeeesh, several issues here. First, with your style, you cannot simply stat a camel. DO NOT CAMEL STAT. Trace it if you must. Then in panel two, the sky is green because...? Then in panel 3... is that color supposed to be the camel? Finally: my no balloon tails?

TAIL THEM BALLOONS.

3. While not the world's end, the slanted border between panels 1 and 3 is odd and accomplishes nothing.

4. Panel 3 is too cute, in a bad way. I'd rather see a BALLOON TAIL pointing the building she's in, and a sign reading DANCE on the dance place.

5. Her head is melting in panel 3. Also, I think it's weird to learn important info in random captions. I'd rather another character had commented on her eyes juxtaposing her Japanese looks.

MANGA/ANIME AND ETHNICITY: No manga-style character has ever looked Japanese. At all. Most do not even look human.

Anyway:

6. I'd cut these captions, they add nothing.

7. Good page. The dialogue text should not touch the balloon border though. I'd have made this burst more elliptical at its base.

8. DO NOT TILT TEXT. Argh. Also, I hate panels that are just a dialogue balloon. HATE. Stat an old head if you must.

9. Cut the reiteration -- we saw the prologue, we remember it. Unless we have Alzheimer's.

ALZHEIMER'S IS NOT FUNNY.

10. Good use of an effect.

11. I think it'd read better "Is that... ME?"

12. Didn't real
ly need to sp
lit "in
cred
i
b
l
e
here.

13. GORGEOUS.

14. FLORP. I adore FLORP. I want more FLORP in my life.

LET'S ALL JUST FLORP FOR A WHILE.

16-17. Her face in "panel" 2 is very effective.

18. ...and here's where some slant-y panel borders actually serves the story. Solid.

SOLID.

19. Wonderfully animated. The scream bubble shouldn't overlap her eye though.

/MediocreMindletteringredo.

20. SOLID.

21. I like her expression here, from her face to her body language. STOP STATTING PHOTOS, it DOES NOT WORK with this style.

22 - 23-24. Cool stuff. Didn't quite understand it at first, but I think it works well.

25. HAWT. After a catch like that, he definitely deserves a little over-the-shirt sideboob action.

Gag page. This should be moved, and the typeface is almost unreadable.

Chapter 2 cover. Her eye looks odd here; as a profile shot with her looking ahead, her lens/pupils/etc. should not have any white in front of them.

26. HAWT. Her face is melting again in panel 2, with her lower jaw shrinking too far back. If you drew a line up from the point of her chin, it would be in her eye. Compare that with Kathryn's chin below:

image

...the styles are different, yes, but basic construction remains (or should remain) the same.

27. I like this page a lot, the inking style and drawings are smoothly done. However --

image

After:
image

-- that big bubble hanging off his neck in panel 2 is just... sigh.

The FLAP panel is just WONDERFUL.

FLORP!

...yeah, I'm stealing that sound effect. I'm stealing it harder than John McClane dies WHICH IS SO HARD THAT HE DOES NOT DIE.

florp

28. This page only works in context with every other page; ideally, each page should work more or less on its own. This page is an unusual way to tell what you're trying to tell; the part that kinda doesn't work is not seeing the dude but still hearing him.

29. Again, trace anything you need to, but DO NOT STAT PHOTOS INTO THIS COMIC. It is PAINFULLY distracting with a style like this. IT BURNS LIKE...

LIKE...

...just don't do it.

WE DIDN'T STAT THE FIRE
WE CAN'T ERASE IT
AND RECOMMEND THAT YOU TRACE IT
WE DIDN'T STAT THE --

30. I like her eyes in panel 1, and his body language in panel 2.

31. Panel is odd; I have no idea what's Churring, but I find that I wish it was FLORPING.

32. I really like beardo's design.

33. This is much more appropriate fire; feel free to lasso, copy, and paste this where the photo of fire is on 29. Easy, and peasy.

34. This is composed and animated very nicely.

35. Too many lettering effects, but I like this page. Again, great eyes.

36. This pose would have benefitted from some photo reference, but the image is still effective. I say this as an artist and not a horndog (although I am quite the horndog): it's weird that we don't see nipples here.

37. I think we're at the part where we're reading like proper AMERICANS; if so, there's an issue with panel 1, which it that spatially it sort of occurs after panel 2. It's not a huge deal on a semi-collage-y feeling page like this though. I'd have shot him from the front; his sideways angling away from her disconnects them and makes the mirror hard to read visually.

38. I love how she's drawn here BUT I'm getting sick of the constant shifts in lettering. It really erodes the sense of conversational and character continuity.

39. Very expressive.

40. This is pretty, and about to make sense on the following page, I presume. Again, we have a melting chin in panel 1. Have you ever tried doing some proper turnaround drawings? Because the physical shape I see in the profile shot does not match the 3/4 shots.

41. I normally don't like the cartoony interludes in manga, but good God you've NAILED the one in panel 2. Really funny.'

42. Oh, that's a MUCH BETTER 3/4 shot in panel 1! Lovely. And again, the three subsequent cartoony panels are suprisingly likable for me, and guy who again normally hates that sort of thing.

43. This is the best photo-stat, but I'd have run it through a filter or two. Maybe. I don't know, it's LATE.

44. This work is getting polished enough that a big mess of graphite to indicate hair color is starting to drag down the overall images. Several chinless wonders here; is that a manga thing I'm not familiar with?

45. This last line really amuses me for some reason, like the hair color HAD to get pointed out. Heh.

GINGER SNAPS.

46. Again, this is a much more professional page than the graphite scribblings darkening the hair would suggest.

47. Thsi one looks rushed. I checked the comments; you had a "bad day". I hope you sang a sad song JUST TO TURN IT AROUND.

Good on you for getting a page out regardless. I usually don't on a BAD DAY YOU'RE TAKIN' ONE DOWN

/onehitwonderwhyohyeahthealbum'scrapiswhyohwell.

48. The first panel is really hard to "read", and the second abandons your style completely. I don't love this one.

49, 50. I have no idea who this guy is or what he's reacting to. So, something could be clearer.

Chapter 3 cover. Gorgeous. Wish she had a nose, and that all the other hair looked like this. I actually took the time to rate this 5 stars.

51. VERY nicely drawn. This is a very "your style has gelled" sort of page.

52. Wonderful storytelling, nicely drawn people, and a good use of a slanted piece of dialogue in the "sigh". I like the typeface for it too.

53. Art's solid here, but that grey grad... those can be a bitch, and this one looks a little messy as it interacts with the art.

54. Panel 3 -- we really don't want balloons overlapping faces or hands. We really don't. More than all the other body parts, faces and hands "speak" and help tell the story. It's really like slapping a balloon over a balloon; you're depriving us of the full story.

55. Black bar through his face looks weird. I'd have left his face un-split and overlapped her dialogue into his panel for a sense of connection and continuity.

56. Really good looking page. I'm a little lost on the story though -- she isn't her, but she is?

57. It's just not occuring to me: does the typeface need to be THIS BIG?

58. Oh, she's the blonde chick from the first chapter? I think? And apparently no, the typeface doesn't need to be so big...

59. It looks here like you're coloring up to the lines; if so, well, you're supposed to put the lines on another layer and then color under them. I like the image.

So.

Overall: It's an interesting story that's told refreshingly breezily (the prologue had me nervous about pacing). The style is pretty throughout and always improving, along with most things in the comic. Inconsistencies in lettering and inappropriate use of photos threaten to drag the experience down repeatedly, but the tale remains enjoyable despite production issues, and several images are bloody stunning. This comic also contains by FAR the best cartoon interlude manga drawings I've come across. I like that there's a lot of experimentation going on, but I'd like a hair more clarity.
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3rd Jul 2013, 3:26 PM #122
Rinkel
cat face
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Posts: 5443
Registration date: 24th May 2012
Location: Prism Paradise
I'm trying (TRYING) to break my bad habit of over explaining things. I get told a lot that people don't understand me when I talk or write or communicate in general so I've gotten the bad habit of over explaining things. And there are a lot of things I will continue to fix as the comic goes along, since I'm doing this one mainly for practice so I can make another comic the best it can be.

Yes, that camel... I will never live that down Y_Y
I am trying to use real-life photos only as references or to trace things I KNOW I can't draw well yet (like cars).

HAHAHAHA WHAT IS COLOR I DON'T UNDERSTAND COLOR YET


I've gotten told a lot to color in one direction but I keep ignoring that...

omg you rated whyyyy thank you

Oddly, you're the first person who has reviewed and said to add balloon tails. People have touched on it before but you're the first to come out and tell me to do it (which I am starting to do more because even I have trouble reading the pages sometimes and that's not good...) I WILL DO THIS.

Florp is the best sound effect.
Everyday I'm florpin'

ohmygod hahahaha was I really THIS bad
/rereadoldpagesandisfullofselfloathing

I actually kinda hate page 34... I just hated drawing it. :P
Page 35 is my favorite of the old pages, though. SO TINY WHAT WAS I THINKING
I was weirdly conservative in my drawings for a long time but it does look weird now that you point it out.


Really? you LIKE panel 2, page 41? I don't like it at all, but if you do I'm glad. :3

I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER WRITING THAT WHO IS MESSING WITH MY COMIC SCRIPT HUH?! HUH?! Probably was me...

EEGADS that does look rushed. I wonder why it looks so faded...

48. I don't either :D

I'm gellin' like Magellan~

57. It does look weirdly big. Hm.

59. B-but... I DID do the lines on another layer and color underneath.... :9

I AM working on clarity and... everything else Y_Y *sob sob* I suck (not really). I am glad you enjoyed it and endured those horrible first two chapters. I'm refreshing, yay!(?) Pacing is something I still struggle with, and I do still jump around in the story a lot, so I really need to work on those things.

I'M LEARNING OKAY

Thank you for taking the time to review my comic~
It's very much appreciated!
6th Jul 2013, 4:06 PM #123
Caley Tibbittz Collopy
Sword dude
User avatar
Posts: 4541
Registration date: 6th Mar 2012
Location: , location -- they say it's important. But where you are can be gone, in the smallest of moments. When breath it gets ragged, when the blood won't stay in... I fought death for your love -- I couldn't possibly win.
I swear I did not write RINKEL's reply. But I did adore it.
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6th Jul 2013, 4:08 PM #124
Rinkel
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Uhm, that's good, right?
6th Jul 2013, 5:16 PM #125
Caley Tibbittz Collopy
Sword dude
User avatar
Posts: 4541
Registration date: 6th Mar 2012
Location: , location -- they say it's important. But where you are can be gone, in the smallest of moments. When breath it gets ragged, when the blood won't stay in... I fought death for your love -- I couldn't possibly win.
Morkulv:I'd really appreciate some tips concerning the art and overall presentation of my comic Conflict. I only have three pages up as I write this, but I like to get ahead of the game and fix as many errors as I can before finishing my first issue.

I'm a graphic designer by trade, I'm not sure if that's "pro" or anything. Probably not.


I will judge you against the highs of Alex Ross and Wally Wood. You are screwed.

Cover. I like the simplicity of the title. I'd make the logo bigger, move the issue number to the month box, make that box bigger or smaller so it's not resting directly on the lines of the character's tail, and shrink the credit box slightly so that it also does not interact with the character. I'd actually remove the box for the credits, and just have lettering.

FIRE: should never have cross-hatching in it. Fire is burning gas and light, not a hard object with shadows.

2 - Page 1. I'd cut the little slanty phone panel, it adds nothing. We know what ringing is, and why it happens. Also, the foreshortened hand... I get what you're aiming for, but it looks like a Hulk hand. Even for a simple style like this, reference can help a LOT. I keep a mirror on a music stand behind my drafting table, and most of the foreshortened hands in my comic are drawn from my reflection.

Also: the character's hair color seems to change between panels here.

THAT IS A NO-NO!

3. This page... I don't know why we're seeing this patently mundane scene. There is no subtext. There is nothing at stake. It's a matter of fact scene with no depth.

It would be like stopping the progression of a Die Hard plot to watch John McClane order a sandwich from someone who doesn't have a gun, isn't working with the bad guys, and just wants to give John a good sandwich. Actually, we don't know what the guy wants. He just hands John a sandwich. John says "Thanks for the sandwich. It is food for me."

THIS IS MUNDANE. We already KNOW he's going to go play video games; you can just cut to that from page 1. The only reason to show the video game selection scene would be if it imparted other info. Like, in that panel where he holds the game up and stares at it? He could say something nostalgic. Or when she says she didn't expect him so early, maybe he tells us why he got there so fast -- or offers a lie in place of "I like you hot girl!" -- and we GET TO KNOW THESE CHARACTERS A LITTLE BETTER.

Like in that song from The King & I.

Make sure not a single panel wastes the readers' time; if there's not enough depth, just find a way to tell us something about the characters we didn't already know. Almost nothing is too small.

4. This is exceptionally well-done page. The sense of timing and emotional impact must be impeccable, as I cannot PECK IT.

Overall: The cover is communicative but not amazing, the first page is solid, the second page bores, and the fourth page as almost astoundingly great. So you're obviously still learning. I see a lot of potential, as many of the things that aren't working are awkward growing pains I also went through. Keep it up, slugger.

YOU ARE NOW SLUGGER, SLUGGER.
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6th Jul 2013, 5:17 PM #126
Caley Tibbittz Collopy
Sword dude
User avatar
Posts: 4541
Registration date: 6th Mar 2012
Location: , location -- they say it's important. But where you are can be gone, in the smallest of moments. When breath it gets ragged, when the blood won't stay in... I fought death for your love -- I couldn't possibly win.
RINKEL:Uhm, that's good, right?

Well, being adored is better than being awindowed.

I AM NOT FUNNY.

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6th Jul 2013, 6:08 PM #127
Rinkel
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THAT MADE ME LAUGH.
7th Jul 2013, 1:51 AM #128
jchristenberry

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Yeah I LOL'd on that. At first I thought about it (awindowed... ooh a new word!) then that moment happen when something in the ol brain went click and yeah... el oh el ;)
8th Jul 2013, 6:25 PM #129
Caley Tibbittz Collopy
Sword dude
User avatar
Posts: 4541
Registration date: 6th Mar 2012
Location: , location -- they say it's important. But where you are can be gone, in the smallest of moments. When breath it gets ragged, when the blood won't stay in... I fought death for your love -- I couldn't possibly win.
Lightfoot:How about Pulse? I know you mentioned some things in the other thread, but if there's anything that bothers you about it, then you'll have a chance to mention it.

Things I noticed you already mentioned to others that I notice with my comic:
1. I do use different font sizes. I think though it's more that the common font size is pretty large, so it often has to be made smaller if a bubble is more than one or two lines tall. I don't know that I have an exact method about when to use which. It's possibly changed over time.

2. I use different fonts for different characters. Usually for people who are different in some big way, like the cyborg twins. In other comics, I've had a fair amount of non-human characters and I guess I like fonts.

3. (the thing you're mentioned before,) Word bubbles that cover up people. I have done that before, at least once recently intentionally (when Annie and Thomas were listening to her phone). But I think that's it's the opposite reason someone might expect. I usually letter the pages first, and then draw around the dialog. (Even if it's something to avoid,) I've done it more to fill up the space, not that I didn't plan ahead.


1. You need to pick one size and stick with it. As I've stated in a couple other reviews, I only change point size to indicate a change in volume -- larger for louder, smaller for quieter or distant. Letterer Todd Klein uses 11 point letters with a vertical space between of 11.5; I use 12.5 point with a space of 11 between. Something in this range is correct for print.

2. Varying typefaces can work, if you do it right.

3. I'll admit it: there is no RULE that you MUST keep balloons off characters. I've used limited overlap, mostly for effect, and RARELY because I've run out of space. I almost always trim the dialogue if I run out of BG to cover up. I would recommend keeping it to a bare minimum, and definitely avoiding the worst things about overlap, such as covering faces/eyes/mouths, covering hands, covering important props, and the balloon's edge intersecting the character's edge.

I don't think Pulse is perfect by any means (not that I didn't try), I've been meaning to sweep through the whole thing coloring the b&w pages and resolving any fixable noticed problems, but I haven't had a chance to do it yet. It's already 131 pages, about 74 b&w pages (not counting those b&w pages I've started coloring), about 10 color pages without shading maybe?

Pro or hobby? I guess I'd like to be a professional at it, but I don't think I'm at that level so far. More like commissions or small press level. There are times where I've taken learning to draw seriously, times where I haven't, times where I went in the wrong direction, and times where I tried too hard to be consistent or simple and not enough on improving.


Nothing's perfect. And if Pulse isn't quite "pro", it's damn bloody close. It's certainly a more worthwhile investment of reading time than most "pro" print books. I've tried a lot of comics, and regretted more than half. Pulse is better than most of the comics still sitting on my shelves that have survived numerous collection culls.

I WILL PIMP THE SHIT OUT OF THIS BOOK.

Now, onto the page-by-page:

Cover. There is no cover. There should be a cover. If you like, I'll draw a cover. For free. My page rate is currently $100 per page, but I would draw you a free cover because THIS COMIC IS GREAT.

...it's possible I'm your biggest fan. I AM NOT WRONG.

I like the logo a lot. The logo that would be on the cover if there was one.

Page 1. I like the odd woodcut influence on your style. It's immediately not like anyone else's artwork. I hate art clones. Sometimes people rip John Cassday off hard. I think that's dumb. I also like that we've opened on a landscape.

2. Cinematic wonderfullness. The figure in panel 2 could be better; this is a hard pose to nail, and a little reference -- even in your unusual style -- would have helped.

3. I'd have drawn the heroes more clearly in panel 1, so that they'd be more easily recognized on the ground in panel 2. I'm also realizing that the captions -- all the captions thus far, except for "One year ago." are more or less telling us exactly what we're already seeing. I'd cut them, but they're so short and sweet it doesn't really matter either way.

8. Bit too much caption overlap here.

9. I love the utter average smallness of Annie's intro here. Also loving the concept: "In a world with suddenly too few superheroes, the villians all survived..."

10. I'd move panel 2's first caption up to panel one, and move the second caption to where the first is, to get it off the tube lady and the guards.

12. I'd move the tail to the first balloon in panel 2, and then move "You pass." up to the top of panel 3, connected to the two balloons in panel 1. Also, I see that it's Annie who's been narrating this whole time.

NARRATION: I generally hate it. It's artificial and weird. No one narrates introductions like this in their heads to no one. The only way these work for me is if it's a genre trapping (i.e. crime/detective novel styling), or if the narration was really the character talking to someone (i.e. the history lesson that opens Serenity).

...that said, this kind of thing is very common in superhero comics, and is certainly well-done and not overly obtrusive here. It's efficient. But I do wish she'd been talking to someone other than the audience.

13. I always forget why this comic is called Pulse. Maybe a subtitle would help...

Pulse: The Girl With The Big Bolts

Pulse: Ol' Battery Hands

Pulse: Zap's All, Folks!

...anyway, the dialogue in these last four panels.... God, it's just so wonderful. An excellent combination of crazy topic and grounded delivery. The line in panel 4 should end with "..." and not ",".

14. Medicocre Mind re-lettering post time? I'm not going to do that, and not because you're getting a free pass, but because you really have no way to avoid the problem, because your lettering is TOO DAMN BIG.

In panel 3, the tail should be coming from the top balloon. And from a storytelling perspective, the whole point of this shot is to establish Annie's small chest... and then balloons get thrown all over it. Definitely want to avoid putting balloons on the focal point of a shot.

15. I love the introduction of coffee-tie-Band-Aid guy. And his almost curt directness... we learn a lot about him in literally two seconds.

16. Super-cute interaction. Her thought bubble is not needed; her face tells the story.

17. "No kiss for me?" -- I love that. "I can't stop or delay the process!" is such a fictional excuse for so many horrible things going wrong in comics. It's how Watchmen worked. Hell, I've probably used that trope somewhere and don't remember it.

18. Okay, I gotta --

image

After:
image

...these caption boxes -- they're allowed to be taller, squarer, and broken up into more lines. They don't need to overlap the figures, or at least overlap THAT MUCH of them.

20. The doctor appears to be several heads too tall here. The head/foot board should cover up at least half of her rear end, vertically. And I'm not sure about the "grand-daughter" line -- for something overlapping the main figure's head in panel 2, it doesn't seem to add enough to justify itself.

21. As much as possible, the tail should be on the first balloon in a series of balloons. The one in panel 1 certainly should be.

22. I overlap balloons onto wings and capes a lot, but there's no need to overlap onto her face in panel 2. I love this ring/armor sequence. Dialogue from panel 3 should not overlap onto panel 1, as there is a danger of leading the reader down to it before they reach panel 2. The balloons in panel 4 intersecting with the frame of panel 2 is also not good.

23. All the balloon placement problems here are repeated from earlier pages. Unless something important comes up, I'm gonna stop talking about balloon placement, but that doesn't mean I've run out of balloon nits to pick.

24. I love that she's a giant nerd. And the "that big a change" line... I love how you're teasing this.

25. I like this page a lot, talking about the realities of superheroing. I like the way you touch on this without also producing a joyless militaristic comic, like so much of the last decade of Marvel's grey, ultra-professional, and lifelessly uninteresting "serious" superhero comics. You balance reality and bombast like... well, not like a pro, because most pros CAN'T BLOODY DO IT.

27. Everything about this page is insanely wonderful, but the boring nerd in me has to ask: did you do any research to come up with 15 pounds?

28. Everything about this page is insanely wonderful. I love the pacing, I love the look on Annie's face in panel 2, I adore her "slowly exploding" line, I love the doctor's face in the last two panels... in fact, here's what I said about it back when I was just a reader:

Tibbittz
Jul 21, 2012
Really well done. Could have come across as cheesy sexy pandering, but it really doesn't. Excellent control of tone. I'm impressed. Subscribed.

BOOM.

29. ...I also love how little cheesecake advatage you take of Annie's situation. I would not be able to resist, and would unintentionally make this a very crass exercise. I bow to your control and restraint and general good sense.

BUT, Panel 1 is almost impossible to "read" visually.

30. The puberty/insecurity/not-quite-ready-for-the-prime-time-of-adulthood metaphors are firing wonderfully here. Her breasts may be large, but her emotional face and body language are the stars. So excellent.

31. Adore all of this, especially the last line.

32. Good page, but I'm noticing an odditty in your bold/italicized words. Like in panel 1 where she says "Look AT THIS!", most would only bold the "this" and not the "at" as well. In panel two, only "superpowers" should be bolded, and not "my". In the last panel, "can't" shouldn't be bolded, "understand" probably shouldn't, "build up a" shouldn't, "static shock" should, and "wood floors" REALLY should. Not make or break, but odd if one picks enough nits to notice it.

Also: this flashback doesn't seem to relate to anything that's happening RIGHT NOW. It would have been better placed earlier, when we were seeing her "pulse" powers. I'd move it, and put a flashback here of her as a kid disassembling something.

33. Hilarious, but she should have a MUCH stronger reaction as her leg breaks. I've broken several TOES, and I have a bigger reaction that this.

34. Clever page. The punctuation is wrong in panel 2; her second balloon should end with only the !, and her third should end with a ?

35. Again, WAY too many bolded words. I won't point them all out, just panel 1: The only words that should be bolded here are "just" OR "protect" and "complications".

Let's look at how I'm choosing which words to bold:

image

I bold less than some writers, but you bold MUCH MORE than most writers. More than STAN LEE. Usually, strings of words do not get bolded. More than one word may be stressed in a single sentence, like in panel 2 here where Oberon says "Your LORD does not ASK." A chain of words gets bolded in Kathryn's preceding line in panel 4 "God's sake, I've STABBED THE GIRL." When you're trying to point out how horrible you are for stabbing a girl, you can stress the entire line like that. When you're a scientist saying "like any ability", it's weird to say it "LIKE ANY ABILITY".

Also, IMPORTANT BALLOON ISSUE ALERT: last panel, with the tail running across the other lady's face? No. A world of no. You have tons of room to avoid it, too.

36. Insanely well-done page, love crunchy wall, paperwork should have "some ODD DEMANDS", balloon on arm in panel 1 pisses me off. In that order.

37. LOVE THIS. Made of win and cupcakes with win frosting, and win sprinkles.

38. Annie's response in the panel is WIN CUPCAKES. That's a thing now, I've made a thing of it.

39. Boob tray = WINCAKES. I shortened it to wincakes.

40. OH GOD I'M ALMOST 40 I TURN 32 THIS MONTH OH GOD MY LIFE IS OVER. Also, I'd really like a reaction shot from her friend between panels 3 and 4.

41. "Like a BAND." (which, sorry, is how it SHOULD be bolded) -- I love that SO MUCH.

42. I like "eventually" a lot. Perhaps more than I should.

45. Panel 2 is so funny.

47. Appropriately kind of horrifying. Great responsibility, and all that JAZZ DANCE REVENGE!

...God, Spidey 3 sucked goats.

48. Marvelous reveal. Forgot about this.

51. I'd cut the second line in panel 1. That kind of on the nose self-assessment is rare in real life, and feels written. The first line already captures the emotion anyway.

53. Wincakes.

55. I adore the wincakes of her insecurities.

56. Panel two balloon tail should be pointing up.

57. Love this so much. A hint of Warren Ellis-like dementedness. Cakes of win.

58. Panel 1 is such a great example of sharp, brief, great comedic writing. It makes me want to go hack a bunch of words out of my overly verbose comic.

60. Panel 2 is so perfect.

62. Insanely hilarious.

65. Soft impact. It's so QUOTABLE.

66. Here it is. This is the page where, if you read it, and you don't get this comic and what it's about, you either don't WANT to get it, or you are not SMART ENOUGH to get it.

Here, Annie's friend cuts through the "I wanna surprise my boyfriend!" B.S. and tells us what we already know: Annie's very insecure about her changes, and insecure about how people she cares about will react to her being different than she was before. There's more depth than you think to a page like this ending with the pseudo-jokey line "Neither of us are men." After the baby years, the older we get, the more our gender seems to conspire to define us, especially once puberty hits. People see our sex and developments and draw all sorts of conclusions and apply all sorts of preconceived notions... and Annie's still the same girl she was before, but will hunky Joe GET THAT?

This is f-ing REAL. I simply could not adore this page more if it was feeding me pie. Or cake.

WINCAKE.

67. ...and this was about as badly as things could possibly go. Also forgot about this, and I hope I didn't just wake the neighbors from laughing. The is brilliantly staged to avoid crass cheesecakery; her emotions and face remain the stars.

WINWINWIN.

68. The emotional beats here... goddamn, this is better than anything I did in issue #2 of Eternal Knights and I tried SO HARD. This page is so written from a female perspective, I really don't know how you pulled it off so perfectly. "Extra amount...", ha.

PERFECTCAKES.

69. I love panel 1 here. The whole page, really. Her expressive face continues to appropriately draw attention away from her chest. Again, this book stinks as boob fetish fluff, but WINS A LOT OF CAKES as an approachably human superhero tale.

70. He remembers that one cousin. Love panel 4, more concerns and insecurities.

71. SO wonderful. Tabitha's weird. In a good way for stories.

72. She gets excited and pretends to own her change, only to blush when anyone notices. Sometimes my wife is proud of her bosom, and sometimes she's desperate to downplay and ignore it. THIS ALL RINGS TRUE.

75. Very nicely composed, especially (and most importantly) that last panel.

76. "I doubt it." reads oddly. I'd cut that. Panel 2 is a better reaction to her line in panel 1. I love her fears and love on display in panel 4.

77. Ride the winning of the cakes. After being cooped up in that building for over 70 pages, it's nice to get outside. I really like your approach to these settings.

79. I like the staging of danger descending upon her. Very nicely done.

87. Yeah, like 8 pages without an a comment. This is a GREAT COMIC. Here, that line crossing the elevator to connect the dialogue does not need to overlap the guy's head. I'm almost tempted to Mediocre Mind you again, but I don't want to be ridiculous although it is a RIGHT I HOLD DEAR.

88. Freckles! Galore!

89. To quote me from Jul 26, 2012: "Thunderpunching." YES.

90. Hey, I just noticed something: her chest is kinda large. Like, I think a little bigger than average, even.

I kid. Then I adult. Then I eventually DIE.

Anyway, to quote the great Caley Tibbittz: Jul 26, 2012
It's pretty tastefully done, I don't see an issue. I've been skittish about the nudity/cheesecake/adult content in my own comic, but none of it is for its own sake alone; there's always a story or thematic or character-building purpose. This is a really good character page.

...so, yeah, this one's kinda sexy. This one takes a little advantage of having a busty lass in this comic. But not that much, really. I mean, you've hidden her behind soap and a shower caddy. And steam. Which is a pretty respectful series of objects to hide boobs behind. Then you've gone ahead and cropped or covered or both them in every subsequent shot (LOVE the composition in panel 4).

Two things I'd change: in panel 1, MAN has she got some weak water pressure. Shower streams usually slant. In panel 5, I'd just have her GASP loudly, rather than say words. It makes the joke (which I think is EXCELLENT) time out a little better.

92. Months doesn't make her sound so great at disassembly. I'd have made it days, weeks at most. Also: FACE CAPTION!!!

...love all the little random details inside the suit. I almost typed "deets" instead of details. Goddamn Twitter.

DEETS.

93. This page is fine and dandy, but I'd have used dialogue here in place of captions. It doesn't really matter though.

94. The compostion in panel 5 is a bit awkward, forcing us to read the furthest page right dialogue and then going page left to finish the panel, which is directionally disconcerting.

95. That last line is great. The balloon should not overlap his hand in that panel, and her balloon tail should aim toward her mouth, per Will Eisner.

96. Her crossed legs look a bit odd here. That's a hard position to get right, I'd recommend reference for it.

97. Balloon tail tangent in panel 1 here. I love the straight weird science drama here.

98. This is such a great crazy comic book idea. Tangent in last panel where balloon and head intersect.

99. Panel three, the "certain time" line seems odd. I'd have used "some point". I wonder why all ladies in the robo-suits.

100. Once again, the great Caley Tibbittz had this comment: Oct 18, 2012 Great page, the pacing is wonderful. The best thing about this comic (to me, anyway) is all the grounded realism and real personality. I love his back comment and her silent reaction shot.

101. A boob fetish comic where the busty lass is asked to take her shirt off... and she REFUSES? Huh, weird, it's almost like THIS ISN'T A BOOB FETISH COMIC.

/grumble.

I love this joke. I'm not sure the strict statting between panels 1 and 2 works. I'd have changed the doctor's head and hands, and Annie's hair. Just slight adjustments in Photoshop. Which is partly why my statting almost never saves me time...

102. I love the meta self-awareness of this page. This comics runs a constant risk of BEING a boob joke, but it isn't. Panels 3 and 7 again star Annie's face and emotions; they're effectively, in a storytelling sense, "bigger" than her boobs here. CAKES OF WIN.

103. I forgot Thomas is a metal worker. Some reminder of his name or Annie's relational familiarity with him would help clarify the last panel.

104. Let's see what 2012 Caley had to say about this: Oct 18, 2012 This is insanely hilarious. I think you write better jokes than I do, and I pride myself on the jokes.

...2012 Caley knows WHAT IS UP.

105. I don't like the choice of V.O. bubble. I like V.O.s to be like caption boxes. Here's how I did it, and kept various speakers differentiated:

image
image

...but I'm kind of the only person in the world who cares about this sort of thing.

106. So marvelous. Did I use marvelous already. So DCous DOES NOT WORK.

107. I don't see how this bra shot is necessary to the story, I'm offended as a fem-man-ist. I'M GOING TO STOP READING FOREVER UNTIL THE NEXT PAGE.

...seriously though, is the joke that in being "evenly matched", they also have the same size chest? I read your author comment "In looking up Judo moves, it seemed like clothes where always being mangled, so this seemed likely." Likely? Ish, I guess. Necessary or helpful to the story? I'm missing something if it is.

It's not a huge issue or a problem, but I think it's just cheescake. Which is fine.

108. Great page. Love "You can't sexy transformation before me!"

109. That is one hell of a dull-looking comic shop. We should see pics of superheroes in the windows. You should ask to stat in a bunch of CF comic covers or something. Or stat in your own Jungle Girl at the least. Otherwise, I like this page a lot.

110. Jan 04, 2013 Caley says: I love everything about this page. Great little character touches. I love the way you let things like real world physics encroach on these superheroes, you balance (har!) it very well.

TERRIBLE PUNS ARE MY FAVORITEST OF THE PUNS!!!

111. His balloon needs to float up off her head in panel 4.

Guest week. Cute, needs to be moved out of main archive to a fanart page.

112. Jan 24, 2013 Caley says: Love the understated joke at the end. Don't love the phone dialogue covering faces in next to last panel. Not a huge deal, but I'd have moved them out of the center of things a bit.

Still, always one of the best comics on here - I have a ridiculous number of subs, but this is one of the few I actually read regularly.

The V.O. boxes are much better here than 105.

113. Jan 24, 2013 Funny Caley says: Dialogue covering a boob? That would NEVER happen in my comic. Not that I only read comic for the giant boobs -- I also enjoy the firm yet supple dialogue.

GOD I'M HILARIOUS.

114. Quoteing me, screw the date: Love the pacing and the intro to the current situation here. Very well done. Although, it usually hurts when there's blood leaking from my face. Unless it's my nose.

115-116. Nicely animated action. I've liked the art from the start, but it's improving, and it shows a LOT here.

117. It's a little odd that she explains the reason she's punching the dube there is that she herself has an old wound. Like, what if the dupe punches her there back?

118. Again, to much exposition about old wounds in the dialogue. This isn't a gag strip, we don't need a recap reset to understand the page -- we need all the preceding pages. I'd pare the dialogue here down to something like "And there!" in panel two, and cut everything else from panel 1 and 2.

119. This pacing is great. I'm realizing the dupe is speaking in a different typeface. Really not needed.

120. Wonderfully creepy last line. I'd cut the the "So fast!" line, and just add a Photoshop blur.

121. LOVE the staging and sense of motion here.

123. I like these building silhouettes. Where you have empty blue a couple pages back, I'd throw some of this in.

124. "Please, can I take it apart?" Annie is ADORABLE.

125. Love this page. Is it supposed to be titled "Bluffs", though?

126. Great action and character work here. Read the comments, I'd keep the pipe as is.

128. It should be "an even fight", not "a even fight".

129. I love the surprises that come out of nowhere in this comic.

130. Jun 03, 2013 Caley says: GREAT direction for this sequence to go in, and I LOVE the Status Quo-power effect.

...when I'm right, I'm right.

133. "I should go become friends with her." ...glorious. I just love that so much.

134. Annie's face is great thoughout, but I especially adore her ZAP face.

136. This is getting EPIC. This page reminds me a lot of powers, except you wrote it so it's better.

"Better?"

"Yeah better."

"As in more good."

"More good is good."

"Good?"

"Good."

...I don't always completely understand why Bendis is famous.

Pinup: Really, really gorgeous. Needs to be moved out of main archive.

137. Great action. Very Powers again, which is always a compliment if I'm talking about the art.


Overall:

"So. Big boobs. What's up with that, huh? Stupid sex comic is dumb and I shall deride it now!"
-Point Misser

...I hate to focus on this element first, but God knows a good number of people stumbling onto Pulse are having as much trouble seeing past the large breasts of the lead as the good Miss Chung herself must.

This is not a boob fetish comic, and anyone who thinks it is has clearly entirely missed the point of what you're trying to do. It's a short-sighted and reductionist view of a wonderfully engaging and very emotionally real superhero story. Your iron woman is a WOMAN, and absolutely not a cheap pinup jiggling for prurient amusements.

Annie Chung's mildly bizarre situation allows us to learn so much about her strengths and weaknesses, her confidences and insecurities -- her casual, girl-next-door, everyday humanity. To take a life event like breast development, a life event deeply tied to self-image, and tie it into her superhero life... well, it's bloody brilliant, and I would desperately wish I'd thought of it first if you weren't doing such a perfect job with it to scare me away from even fantasizing that I could do better.

In Pulse, it's not THAT the breasts are big, it's WHY they're big, and how that affects the lead. This comic is not cheap or trashy or exploitative, it's sharp and original, and deeply respectful to its female lead. You've taken something all woment go through and blown it up to epic, superhero story proportions -- something Joss Whedon is deservedly famous for. We are led through her ups and downs and trials and embarrassments, and we can't help but empathize and learn about who she is. And who she is is a smart, rise-to-the-occasion, independent, talented woman.

I spoke to my wife about Annie Chung's situation; it struck her as very similar to her own issues of reacting her sudden development as a teen girl. She went from flat-chested to a full double-D/D in under a year; she was then and remains under 5 feet tall, so they seem proportionately even larger. It was physically and emotional difficult for her to deal with, and those realities ring true in Pulse.

If this exact same comic had been written by a woman, I am absolutely certain it would receive praise where it sometimes receives derision. Praise for hitting the nail on the head, praise for getting it right, praise for using the fantastic to explore the ordinary, and praise for dramatizing a feminine experience so expertly that it's honestly mildly surprising Pulse WASN'T written by a woman.

I'm a little frustrated that I'd have to explain the above to anyone, because the work absolutely earns its own respect if one doesn't come at it with a preconceived bias. There is no other comic that I consistently come away from saying "Dammit, I wish I'D thought of that!"

My wife doesn't understand people in robot suits hitting each other, but she has felt Annie's very human pain and comedy and discomfort.


...all of that said, this comic will likely never have broad appeal due to Annie's bust size. America is still WAY too repressed and hypersensitive for this sort of thing, even as innocuously as it's presented here. I feel its removal from the work would be a huge loss to our window into Annie's person, and that window is part of what makes this such a uniquely satisfying comic to read.

Anyway. Almost all the nits I've picked are minor production, lettering, and a couple dialogue issues. Half of this review or more is just straight up compliments. Why is that?

It's because Pulse is better than all the other comics I have reviewed in this thread, even the ones I raved about. It is often and in many ways better than my own comic. It's better than most comics on the shelves today, and most comics that have ever been on shelves. It's everything an emotionally-driven and character-focused comic should be, it's everything an action and superhero comic should be. It's smart, fun, engaging, sharp, and efficient. It's funny as hell. It's serious as hell. It's never boring. It's always twisting. The tone is controlled masterfully.

Pulse is easily one of the finest comics you will ever read, and everyone should subscribe to it.
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8th Jul 2013, 9:02 PM #130
Calimonstucopia

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Okay, Tibbittz, I am a newcomer to the world of webcomics and have only been at it for a couple of months now. In fact, I just created my account here on ComicFury yesterday :P


I'm at 13 strips so far and would greatly appreciate it if you could check out my comic, California Monsters, and let me know what you think.


- David
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8th Jul 2013, 9:15 PM #131
Prongs

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8th Jul 2013, 10:55 PM #132
Morkulv

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Thanks for the critique! God, I have to work my ass off some more...

The thing that you described as fire, are actually his clothes shredding off his body on the front cover by the way. :)
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8th Jul 2013, 11:07 PM #133
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Location: , location -- they say it's important. But where you are can be gone, in the smallest of moments. When breath it gets ragged, when the blood won't stay in... I fought death for your love -- I couldn't possibly win.
Morkulv:Thanks for the critique! God, I have to work my ass off some more...

Based on Lightfoot's critique of Eternal Knights in his thread, so do I...

The thing that you described as fire, are actually his clothes shredding off his body on the front cover by the way. :)

Well Hell's bells.

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9th Jul 2013, 3:30 AM #134
Clearcutting

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I would love to have Cannibal King reviewed, as I'm trying to improve myself as much as possible. I'm a hobbyist but don't hold your punches, I can take it. I haven't been putting in as much effort as I could and I'm looking to change that, so I'd like to know things I should keep in mind and work on.
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9th Jul 2013, 8:36 AM #135
wuhu

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Hi! much like Clearcutting, a new hobbyist as well and seeking to improve myself.
Please have a look at Qracks.
Should be quick as there are only 3 pages at the moment, and hoping to have at least 6 by the time you get to it.
Thanks in advance,
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10th Jul 2013, 6:42 AM #136
Lightfoot

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Tibbittz:
Lightfoot:How about Pulse?

1. You need to pick one size and stick with it. As I've stated in a couple other reviews, I only change point size to indicate a change in volume -- larger for louder, smaller for quieter or distant. Letterer Todd Klein uses 11 point letters with a vertical space between of 11.5; I use 12.5 point with a space of 11 between. Something in this range is correct for print.


That probably though depends on the page size. Pulse is designed to be 5"x8" if ever printed (like a manga or paperback book size). I think the type used is 6 or 7 points. The space between depends on the font.


Cover. There is no cover. There should be a cover. If you like, I'll draw a cover. For free. My page rate is currently $100 per page, but I would draw you a free cover because THIS COMIC IS GREAT.


I mean, okay if you want. But if you wanted to draw a picture it could be whatever you wanted, for whatever reason.

I think my plan was that if I ever printed it as a book I'd do the cover then. I'd also add an extra story, and an illustration for the beginning of each chapter (like in a manga).

I suspect the first chapter would have no illustration. Chapter two (which introduces Annie) would have her in her natural body with a lighted light bulb in her mouth. After that I'm not sure. It depends on if I rework the chapter lengths (to have fewer than 10 chapters per book). I'm actually almost at the point of where the first book would end, but wanting to color the old pages and everything I don't think I'm anywhere near ready to do it.


I like the logo a lot. The logo that would be on the cover if there was one.


It's Flyboy from Blambot slightly curved, in all caps. I experimented with different things and it seemed like the right choice.


Page 1. I like the odd woodcut influence on your style. It's immediately not like anyone else's artwork. I hate art clones. Sometimes people rip John Cassday off hard. I think that's dumb. I also like that we've opened on a landscape.


People say woodcuts all the time, but I think it's just that I used to ink with Sharpie markers (I'd have two, one thin, one normal). When I switched to an art tablet (like at the beginning of this comic), the lines suddenly got a lot thicker, I think I lost perspective about it for a long time.

I'm not sure how my style evolved. I originally drew very thin people with thin lines, then I started trying to draw more manga style stuff which lead to thicker lines somehow, now I've been moving back to more western stuff I think.


9. I love the utter average smallness of Annie's intro here. Also loving the concept: "In a world with suddenly too few superheroes, the villians all survived..."


I haven't read a lot of american comics in years. I usually read a lot of manga. A common idea in both is either the incredibly powerful person who appears out of nowhere, or the person who becomes great right away. I thought having them kind of start at the bottom would be fun. I mean 137 pages and they still haven't yet been intentionally sent out to deal with any problem yet. They're just nobodies.


NARRATION: I generally hate it. It's artificial and weird. No one narrates introductions like this in their heads to no one. The only way these work for me is if it's a genre trapping (i.e. crime/detective novel styling), or if the narration was really the character talking to someone (i.e. the history lesson that opens Serenity).

...that said, this kind of thing is very common in superhero comics, and is certainly well-done and not overly obtrusive here. It's efficient. But I do wish she'd been talking to someone other than the audience.


Actually a joke I've considered having later is that Annie does actually narrate in her head. ....I dunno, I don't usually use it either, although I don't have anything against it- but I thought it connected all of the various times and place to current Annie. She's talking at the beginning introducing the world, she's telling the reader about herself in flashbacks, and giving her feelings to set up each story. I thought it was more direct than having two voices in narration, or even setting it in the future comparative to herself.


13. I always forget why this comic is called Pulse. Maybe a subtitle would help...

Pulse: The Girl With The Big Bolts

Pulse: Ol' Battery Hands

Pulse: Zap's All, Folks!


My (much) older Pulse comic was titled "Pulse: The Blue Bombshell".


18. ...these caption boxes -- they're allowed to be taller, squarer, and broken up into more lines. They don't need to overlap the figures, or at least overlap THAT MUCH of them.


I think some of this goes back to that I letter the pages first, then draw around the word bubbles. Especially earlier in the comic, I probably didn't move or adjust the dialog that much after the art was finished. On some of these page I completely finished the lettering, even making the balloons and tails before drawing.

I must have deleted it, but I remember somewhere a comment about bubbles should have tails in the first bubble if possible. I always thought it was the opposite.


27. Everything about this page is insanely wonderful, but the boring nerd in me has to ask: did you do any research to come up with 15 pounds?


Just a random guess. I originally had 25 pounds, but the people I asked to read it when I was making it thought that might be too much. I'd suspect that a third or less of that went to her chest (depending on what size she might be), the rest just filled out all over. I didn't think there was any way to come up with a perfect answer. I'm not even sure how much she would weigh, maybe 110-120lbs afterwards?


29. ...I also love how little cheesecake advatage you take of Annie's situation. I would not be able to resist, and would unintentionally make this a very crass exercise. I bow to your control and restraint and general good sense.


I figured in one way this wasn't a sexy moment, and in an another way, it would be a little sexy even if I didn't show a lot of skin.


BUT, Panel 1 is almost impossible to "read" visually.


I guess it is kind of chaos with the dialog on both sizes of the illustration.


32. Good page, but I'm noticing an odditty in your bold/italicized words. Like in panel 1 where she says "Look AT THIS!", most would only bold the "this" and not the "at" as well. In panel two, only "superpowers" should be bolded, and not "my". In the last panel, "can't" shouldn't be bolded, "understand" probably shouldn't, "build up a" shouldn't, "static shock" should, and "wood floors" REALLY should. Not make or break, but odd if one picks enough nits to notice it.

I bold less than some writers, but you bold MUCH MORE than most writers. More than STAN LEE. Usually, strings of words do not get bolded. More than one word may be stressed in a single sentence, like in panel 2 here where Oberon says "Your LORD does not ASK." A chain of words gets bolded in Kathryn's preceding line in panel 4 "God's sake, I've STABBED THE GIRL." When you're trying to point out how horrible you are for stabbing a girl, you can stress the entire line like that. When you're a scientist saying "like any ability", it's weird to say it "LIKE ANY ABILITY".


Ah, yeah. That's one of my big faults. I used to intentionally make the most important words in each bubble bold, so that anyone skimming might get a sense of what was said. I've tried switching to something more common (somewhere after color), but I think I still haven't gotten the right method down.

I think in other comics I've made it wasn't so obvious. In most fonts the difference between bold and regular isn't as significant. With 10 Cent Comics the bold is very bold.


Also: this flashback doesn't seem to relate to anything that's happening RIGHT NOW. It would have been better placed earlier, when we were seeing her "pulse" powers. I'd move it, and put a flashback here of her as a kid disassembling something.


At least I thought the importance was "Pulse". It's showing how long ago she started assocating herself with that name. She vaguely mentioned it before but I thought it helped to give an idea of how she was used to calling herself that, even before anyone knew she has powers.

In a lot of the chapters, what I'd do is start the chapter with one plot, and then have it connect or be revolved at the end. In chapter 4, it starts with the confusion about names. Then Tabitha gets overconfident about her shields. She fights with Mira, and then it ends with the resolution about the names.


39. Boob tray = WINCAKES. I shortened it to wincakes.


I've had people misunderstand that. Lucy is covering her face so that the twins don't notice her. Annie is covering her chest so that it doesn't attract their attention. And it's also just kind of silly.


57. Love this so much. A hint of Warren Ellis-like dementedness. Cakes of win.


I had forgotten about that. If you quizzed me I wouldn't have known it was in there. I think I didn't originally have dialog for the last panel and that's just what I made up at the last minute.


77. After being cooped up in that building for over 70 pages, it's nice to get outside. I really like your approach to these settings.


If you look here, the shapeshifter Zoe from later in the comic is getting out of the monorail in the last panel. The one in front of her is Connor's college-age granddaughter (Grace), who appears a number of times in the background (including later when Tabitha is heading to meet Zoe), and will appear formally in chapter 12. Dr. Mae's daughter (Charlotte) appears a few times herself, but she also hasn't been introduced yet.

A lot of times I hide people who will appear later in the group shots.


90. ...so, yeah, this one's kinda sexy. This one takes a little advantage of having a busty lass in this comic. But not that much, really. I mean, you've hidden her behind soap and a shower caddy. And steam. Which is a pretty respectful series of objects to hide boobs behind. Then you've gone ahead and cropped or covered or both them in every subsequent shot (LOVE the composition in panel 4).

Two things I'd change: in panel 1, MAN has she got some weak water pressure. Shower streams usually slant. In panel 5, I'd just have her GASP loudly, rather than say words. It makes the joke (which I think is EXCELLENT) time out a little better.


I figured she could adjust down the pressure when she didn't need it. Right now either the head or the knobs were turned down. I also thought that while it wasn't super-amazingly sexy, it was a lot more sexy than the rest of the comic on average. I've done comics before that had huge spikes between story and sexy.

I have a different version I made recently editing the last few panels-

I've been debating if the visual are better or not.


92. Months doesn't make her sound so great at disassembly. I'd have made it days, weeks at most. Also: FACE CAPTION!!!


I thought she meant months for her to disassemble and scan each part (and maybe compare to the original blueprints, looked at each page compared to your comments before, but not now).

I love this joke. I'm not sure the strict statting between panels 1 and 2 works. I'd have changed the doctor's head and hands, and Annie's hair. Just slight adjustments in Photoshop. Which is partly why my statting almost never saves me time...


I'll think about it. I was worried that it would imply a lot of time had passed. It's only been a few weeks at that point. I'd say that the more common term might be "copy and paste".


107. I don't see how this bra shot is necessary to the story, I'm offended as a fem-man-ist. I'M GOING TO STOP READING FOREVER UNTIL THE NEXT PAGE.

...seriously though, is the joke that in being "evenly matched", they also have the same size chest? I read your author comment "In looking up Judo moves, it seemed like clothes where always being mangled, so this seemed likely." Likely? Ish, I guess. Necessary or helpful to the story? I'm missing something if it is.

It's not a huge issue or a problem, but I think it's just cheesecake. Which is fine.


I wasn't implying anything about the their chests with the dialog, although I did realize the joke was there. Sometimes you make jokes accidently and don't worry about tit. I think I showed some bra a little for cheesecake, and a little to make them look different in the last panel. I didn't want them to fight and then both still look identical at the end.


Guest week. Cute, needs to be moved out of main archive to a fanart page.


I've just been lazy about it.


117. It's a little odd that she explains the reason she's punching the dube there is that she herself has an old wound. Like, what if the dupe punches her there back?


I figured Tabitha explaining was the best way to inform the reader (probably a thing I've seen a lot in manga). Also the double I thought would panic, and also go on the defensive. That she could be leaving herself open to some other weak spots if she attacks. Knowing about that one spot doesn't help her that much if she accidentally leaves another spot open.


118. Again, to much exposition about old wounds in the dialogue. This isn't a gag strip, we don't need a recap reset to understand the page -- we need all the preceding pages. I'd pare the dialogue here down to something like "And there!" in panel two, and cut everything else from panel 1 and 2.


I don't know. It isn't a gag strip, but it is a page-at-a-time comic. When it was new, someone read the previous page the previous week. I thought they almost needed to be reminded what was happening if something carried on from the previous page.


Overall:


I'm not sure how to reply to all of that. I think that the comic is intentionally a strange combination of elements, maybe an often incompatible combination. Because of that, there are certain parts people like, and certain parts people don't like. From certain points of view it seems like it should be a comic that is purely sexy fan-service, from others a comic with a more realistic take on superhero physiques. I didn't have any kind of message intended, it just seemed obvious that this was a different direction to take. Some people describe it as lots of fan-service, others say it's a serious superhero story.

I have considered changing Annie several times based on feedback. It's something lots of people have asked about. Some say it's the reason why they won't read the comic (at a forum somewhere else). It's not exactly as if that element is pivotal to the story, but I keep deciding against it. Maybe it's more likely though I could have been convinced before the beginning. I don't think I'd enjoy making comics about her less. But I wanted some part of her progression into being a superhero to be a challenge. It's something that is certainly controversial if it's controversial with people reading it.

...It's not just changing Annie in what seems like the obvious way people often ask about. I'm often asked to make her bigger-busted. Not all change in favored in one direction. I'm not denying only a change that might favor certain opinions, but also one that would be even less favorable. ...I guess in both cases.

A lot of superhero comics ultimately make all of their characters generically the same. All outliers are eventually made to conform as artists shift around. The teenage girls grow up into adults who look just like all of the other women. All of the men are usually the same height, and all of the women the same height. There are other webcomics about small-breasted superheroines, but not any that I could think of that are about huge-breasted superheroines. If I wanted an oddball, neither small-busted or average would be as unusual. And I thought that playing it straight would be the most unique approach, and also it seemed the most fun to do.

Although none of that means that I don't find Annie attractive. I like that she's kind of unique among the cast. She's shown in several ways. All of the flashback show her different physically. Sometimes she's fun to draw, sometimes a challenge, sometimes a pain to draw.

People do often think I'm female for some reason. Or at least it's come up several times.

I agree with a maybe all of the issues you mentioned. When I add color to the old pages I'll make some other changes as well.

I think that if I went through and reviewed my comic myself, I'd probably be pretty brutal about it. It's possible though all artists are that way.
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26th Jul 2013, 4:09 PM #137
nmccarty

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Hey! Are you still doing half-assed reviews? I've got a comic I could use some feedback on, and I think I'm beyond the point my friends and family can help me. I'm majoring in art right now and I'd say my goal is to become a professional comic artist, so please be as harsh or as particular as you can!

Click the signature to link, and thanks for looking!
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27th Jul 2013, 6:46 AM #138
Caley Tibbittz Collopy
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Location: , location -- they say it's important. But where you are can be gone, in the smallest of moments. When breath it gets ragged, when the blood won't stay in... I fought death for your love -- I couldn't possibly win.
nmccarty:Hey! Are you still doing half-assed reviews? I've got a comic I could use some feedback on, and I think I'm beyond the point my friends and family can help me. I'm majoring in art right now and I'd say my goal is to become a professional comic artist, so please be as harsh or as particular as you can!

Click the signature to link, and thanks for looking!

Half...? Have you READ any of these reviews? They're EASILY one-and-a-quarter ass.

I digrASS (butt pun!); answer's yes. I have a queue about 20 comics long, and your comic is now in that queue. I'm about halfway through the Dar-Val one, but have been INSANELY busyASS.

That one DID NOT WORK. Thread not dead, reviews will come.

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28th Jul 2013, 6:59 PM #139
-3-

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Tibbittz:
Half...? Have you READ any of these reviews? They're EASILY one-and-a-quarter ass.

I digrASS (butt pun!); answer's yes. I have a queue about 20 comics long, and your comic is now in that queue. I'm about halfway through the Dar-Val one, but have been INSANELY busyASS.

That one DID NOT WORK. Thread not dead, reviews will come.



Yup. You had a good string of butt puns going, but you wrecked'um.
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30th Aug 2013, 7:13 PM #140
Nicholas Ivan Ladendorf

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How the fuck do you find the time? I'm exhausted just reading this detailed review (all I read was the Pulse one)
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