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"Life issues [advice] [support] [hugs]", 19th Nov 2013, 10:33 PM #1
Buzzard

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Life got you down? Feeling lost? Not sure what to do?

Safe bet is that someone in this forum is or has been in your shoes and can help you out, this is a place to give support, get support, and let problematic things out. Let it out.

Some general guidelines to follow along with the big forum rules.

1. No passive aggressive or direct attacks on other members.

If you have an issue with another member, the appropriate response is to report it to your local mod or administrator.

2. Don't be a jerk.

People have a hard time already without jokes and sarcasm belittling their situation. I know some of you and myself included would rather laugh instead of cry, but that's not everyone. When life has you in a puddle of piss, the last thing most people want to do is smile about it so it's best to assume that your snarky comment is going to offend.

Keep it to yourself and be sensitive to people who are obviously feeling a need to vent about a serious problem.

3. Please only post for the lack of a better word, 'serious' issues.

Don't post silly things like "I was 40 minutes late to McDonald's and they didn't give me my ‎Egg White Delight McMuffin." This thread is about personal issues that are making your life hard, not silly issues that you should make your own thread about. It'll be funner and you won't be trampling over someone who really needs to vent and support.

4. We're not professionals.

If giving or receiving advice, please remember we're not professionals and even if we were, we can't give proper psychological or medical advice through a forum.

If your life is completely out of your control and you feel in danger, please consult someone who is professionally prepared to help you and let them help you. Most schools and sometimes jobs have decent counselors and if you're not in a institution that offers such services, free local counseling services are a Google search away.

If on the other hand, you're already in counseling and receiving professional aid but need to vent about it until you get through your issues or to help you cope with them, that's what this thread is here for.

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22nd Nov 2013, 8:52 AM #2
ranger_brianna_new♀
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I just realized why the song "Holding on for life" by the Broken Bells is so consistently getting stuck in my head.

...Well, yeah, it's a good song. :P But it has more staying power than the entirety of other new songs I listen to, and I wanted to know why. So I thought about it for a bit, and I realized the answer is quite simple, yet also worrying.

That's exactly what I feel like I'm doing right now. Holding on for life, clinging desperately to it, with only a slight slip of my fingers necessary to end it. :/ To remove some of the metaphors, I basically feel like everything's piling up on me, BIG time. I'm under a lot of stress, and quite frankly feel like I'm breaking.
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22nd Nov 2013, 11:14 AM #3
Zannthesword♂

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Buzzard:

3. Please only post for the lack of a better word, 'serious' issues.

Don't post silly things like "I was 40 minutes late to McDonald's and they didn't give me my ‎Egg White Delight McMuffin." This thread is about personal issues that are making your life hard, not silly issues that you should make your own thread about. It'll be funner and you won't be trampling over someone who really needs to vent and support.



I would be interested in the mcdonalds thread.

And ranger you got us here, maybe thats enough to say the worlds not so bad. Ive been dealing with alot of stress lately too. Between my family constantly fight and my crohns acting up big time, but just find time to talk about the things going down even if its basicly to yourself. it helps.
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22nd Nov 2013, 8:23 PM #4
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So. I just want know if I am overreacting.

When you are going through a break up in what would be a divorce if the state of Texas allowed either for us;it has some legal issues. We own a business together, and are trying to put that in the past tense.

Is it wrong that I am upset about the fact that my ex did not tell me he got someone pregnant? And that is why he wants this break up of the business to happen faster? And I had to find this out through the rumor mill. We had gone on for two years in peace. But suddenly he wanted to dissolute this?

I know that it should just be a dissolution of a partnership. But it feels like more.

And his parents told him that he should not tell me about the pregnancy thing.

Edit so to not confuse anyone: There is lots of bisexuality in this story.
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22nd Nov 2013, 8:26 PM #5
TheOneBlueGecko♀
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I don't think it is wrong at all to be upset by it. I mean, he didn't need to tell you, but you are still quite justified in being upset that you were not told, that is a rational response. Now you just have to work on getting past that feeling (which may take time).
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22nd Nov 2013, 8:56 PM #6
malamute.pup♀
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i found my baby pictures. i stared at them for a long time. so many feelings went through me but not in the expected way.

it's almost like i'm looking through a telescope and on the other end is all the things i went through and now I know what they were. Only, the baby pictures seem to show me frozen in time. A time when i didn't know all this and in fact could imagine it was okay.

Hypothetically, was there a point where it could have been okay? When we could have worked out all right? No? Yes? I don't know which is more heartbreaking, the idea that we were fucked from the start or the idea that somewhere there had been a door we didn't go into, a turn we didn't take, or an option that had been open to us that would lead us into the mundane beauty of nondysfunctionalfamilyville.

Hypothetically, what if I'm at this hypothetical crossroads later? What do i have to do to prevent having another crotchspawn that will find their own baby pictures and find themselves staring into a window into a past that leaves them wondering what the hell could have been done?

I was a baby. I was a child. None of it made any sense to me. I didn't know what to do. It has to be an older person who prevents that from happening, prevents the car from careening off the cliff. Staying awake. I know that much.

But I don't know what normal is. I don't know what the absence of that pain is. I can't guess it. I can't imagine it. Maybe my partner will be able to. Maybe I can just become part of their family and learn from that.

Maybe I can forget I ever was part of another family.
22nd Nov 2013, 11:07 PM #7
OnlyFoolsAndVikings⚧
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CB_Young:So. I just want know if I am overreacting.


No you are not overreacting at all, your ex basically fucked up and you found out in a shitty way and it's added a shitload of stress to the mix. You are completely within your rights to be upset and angry and anxious about this and it's ok to feel any, or all of these things. You've been treated pretty shittily during this breakup/dissolution by a number of people.

Pineapple: Abuse is fucked up and I constantly wonder if there had been some thing that could have been done that changed the outcome for myself and my siblings. Mum and dad were both pretty warped in their parenting and mum was the one whose behaviour got worse and worse and drove my sister to self ha and my brother to depression, drugs and attempted suicide, there is literally not a day that goes by that I don't wonder if my brother and sister if born to a different family, would they have been ok? Idk I try to rationalize my mums behaviour too and figure out when this started but it's been there since the beginning in her childhood and idk that really angers and upsets me but at the same time I can't really forgive her for the shit she did as an adult to us.

Idk I'd suggest just trying not to get bogged in the hypothetical what ifs because they never make you feel better and you end up stuck in that place and just getting upset. All that can be done now really is move forward. That's a lot easier said then done, because shit I can't even follow my own advice. Idk good luck.
22nd Nov 2013, 11:21 PM #8
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So I'm about to turn myself into a stereotype. I'm dropping out of college in a month, working for 8 months, and then at the end of august, I'm moving to Los Angeles.

Now let me explain. All the local colleges here in my state are very contemporary when it comes to music, which is great and all; it's been fun learning how to write music that disgusts its audiences, but I need to learn more modern applications of music. My dream is to become a film scorer (or video game composer, which I'm working on a project right now!), and I need to go to a college that teaches recording studio stuff, and how to orchestrate compositions, and how to budget stuff and be an industry professional. None of the colleges in my state (read: none of the colleges I can afford) teach any of that. So I'm dropping out for a while.

I'm being reasonable about it, though. I am finishing up an online certificate through Berklee School of Music in "Film Orchestration," so I'll have that on a resume. I'll have about 15,000 dollars saved up between composing for a game and working at home. And when I get to LA, I'm immediately going to start working (I'll have a job and an apartment lined up ahead of time), and taking college courses on the side through UCLA's extension program. I've also been in touch with Gerard Marino (God of War composer) for a while, who also lives in LA, and he seems to think it's the right thing for me to do, and he may be able to help me get on my feet in composing and scoring.

The thing is, I'm on my own in all this. Obviously, I'm not doing the smartest thing, which would be to throw away my dreams and get a degree and go work and buy a house in the state and be a nobody. So while nobody has the guts to straight up tell me "you're making a mistake," I also know that nobody supports me in this decision. And I'm just really scared. Because I know if I end up homeless or in insane debt or whatever, I'll always be able to point back to this decision as the reason my life didn't turn out well or whatever. I'm also scared about how I'm going to make friends and stuff once I get there, because I've always had trouble finding friends and stuff.

I'm really excited because I'm seeing this as starting my life over entirely. I'm actually really fine with throwing away my old life. I'm just really scared about how well I'll be able to pick it back up and fit into my new life. I guess what I really need is some sort of validation that this isn't going to be a huge mistake, but since nobody is willing to give me their oppinion in this, I have no way of knowing until I actually get there.
22nd Nov 2013, 11:56 PM #9
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Presumably you're old enough to make a decision for yourself and accept the risk. I suppose someone has to take them otherwise no one would be in those jobs. I don't know what else to say but good luck.

23rd Nov 2013, 1:24 AM #10
BridieBunny♀

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TuxedoComics:So I'm about to turn myself into a stereotype. I'm dropping out of college in a month, working for 8 months, and then at the end of august, I'm moving to Los Angeles...


I don't know how old you are when you go to college in America but the internet tells me you should at least be 18. I'd say there's nothing wrong with ditching a degree that doesn't work for you and going to take some time out to work and to get your feet on the ground. I'm just finishing university now and instead of going on to get my next set of qualifications I'm going to take a year out and work in a job I know I'm not going to be in for the rest of my life (I'm a part time barista but they've told me they'll take me full time when I finish my degree). I'm going to lease a one year contract on an apartment with a friend and save up some money before I decide what I want to do with my life and nobody's told me that what I'm doing is dumb.

Just because you've decided college wasn't for you doesn't make your decision to work any less valid. So you've ditched your degree early instead of sticking it out for a few years because you felt obligated to. Yeah you'll still be in a little bit of debt for the time you've spent there already, some could argue with nothing to show for it, but at least you're not racking up thousands of dollars worth of debt on something you know you don't want to be a part of. It's not like you can't pick where you left off if taking time out to work isn't a fruitful endeavour for you.

In short all I'd say is to be sensible with your money. If the option is eat well and not be putting money away or eat $00.11 ramen noodles for dinner twice a week and save just a little bit of money then you save like you've never saved before. Sometimes you've got to live like a pauper when you don't really have to in order to put money away and that's okay. You said you had work to jump straight into but make sure it's a secure position and READ THE CONTRACT OF EMPLOYMENT. I can't tell you how many friends I've had that were told they had a year long position in a workplace only to be made redundant because their written contract specified a three month period of employment.

Above all else - don't get lazy. When you're working in a 9 to 5 kinda scenario to tie yourself over until you can do the thing you love you run the risk of losing the passion you had for the very thing you're working towards (in your case - your music). Your time is precious and it's super important you spend it well. Even if that means volunteering at places to do with the music industry and working for nothing. Not everything you do has to be measured in monetary value. Sometimes we have to start working part time in our field for free in order to establish ourselves. Don't overstretch yourself, always work the job that pays first but don't waste free time when you could be doing something enriching and something that's going to help you meet people in the business you want to be in. Never underestimate the power of networking.

As for the making friends thing I'd say get involved in the community if you can. Volunteering is a great way to make friends and you're bound to meet people in your new job. Go online, people make friends and form relationships through websites like imgur these days. You've got a whole world of opportunity ahead of you and I say go for it ^__^.

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23rd Nov 2013, 11:13 AM #11
Duchre♂

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OK, I'll vent.

I've found a job again, which is great as it correlates with the skills that I've had before. I feel like this is a chance to keep my computer career going. Thing is, its going to require dedication and a willingness to be on call.(as part of the career).

I'm also a webcomic author. And feel like I'm neglecting the one thing I'll always love doing., being stagnant in my work.(I'm not getting better, and I know why.)

I've also been playing an MMO for the past 3 months. And am feeling rather dissapointed in it as of late, though the character I've played for years.

These 3 things I think have gone too far and will likely tear me apart. I know this because I have a actual twitter account that needs using but instead post on my gamer account.

Its 6am, things have come to a head(or rather, I feel like I need to make a decision on this today) I know what I have to do, I'm not certain I can do it again.

And I don't do psychiatrists.
23rd Nov 2013, 2:45 PM #12
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I'll add to this. My boyfriend of five months dumped me because of my current troubles whilst finding a new place to live. Yeah. He said I was smothering him and that he needed a break. I'm heartbroken and I realize that I can't stay heartbroken because I have a whirlwind of shit to deal with.

I told him to take as many days as he friggin needed. Clearly, something's gonna end here and I'm starting out again on my own. Whoo.
24th Nov 2013, 5:44 AM #13
malamute.pup♀
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take care malosis.

i have to remember that food isn't like, an option. spending money on food is kind of the necessity. so i need to remind myself of that.

i've found stupid reasons to not eat as well, not sleep as well, etc. recently and as little as it seems to affect how hard i can run or work it seems to make me feel less energized to do personal work.

but i drew some thumbnails for some really cool stuff i have in the works at least.

24th Nov 2013, 5:52 AM #14
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deleted: posting my melodrama here will just end up hurting me more than it already does
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25th Nov 2013, 2:30 AM #15
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I hate having my sister live with us. Like, she just gives me shit all the time and is constantly reducing me to tears.

And it is all about stupid shit.

Like tonight for dinner I order pizza. My piece buying for the family goes, pick a couple of pizzas, click a few random toppings, and then done. It is different every time. I don't remember what I order on each pizza because who really cares.

But on the pizza boxes everything is listed.

So, I am grabbing a slice and she goes up and asks, "What's on the pizzas?"

I say, "I don't even remember but it is listed on the box."

She goes, "Sometimes you as just so unhelpful."

It is like, look, I am sorry. I don't remember, but I told you exactly where to look to see everything.

So I say, "Fine, let me read it to you" and read off the toppings on one of the boxes.

She say, "Thanks for being helpful," in the most sarcastic tone she can manage.

I say, "You don't need to be a jerk."

And then my mom says some shit about being grateful that she thanked me. It was like, no, she didn't really. When I told my
mom that I just got her screaming at me to shut up.

And so now I am up in my room crying.

And I know, maybe I could have handled it better, but practically every day is my sister asking me a thousand questions and then getting really pissed at me when I don't know the answer. Every day. There is no break.

She never says anything nice.

And I know that there are things that are worse out there for all of you, but all of this makes me hate my life every single day.
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25th Nov 2013, 2:42 AM #16
Fractals♀
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Work keeps calling me in and it's gotten to the point where i dont even answer now. I hate my boss and don't want to be around him. At this point i honestly think he's bipolar, his moods are so unpredictable, ridiculous, and spiteful.

Just four more months before i quit. Wish me luck surviving.
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25th Nov 2013, 3:27 AM #17
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TheOneBlueGecko:And I know that there are things that are worse out there for all of you, but all of this makes me hate my life every single day.


Living every day with a family member who belittles you constantly is pretty shitty, especially for someone who seems as gentle as you. It sounds to me that your family is pretty stressed and they're dealing with it by picking on you.

Either things lighten up in the household or you might want to think about making some distance and moving out. I couldn't bear being with my brother for more than a few hours without a violent fistfight breaking out but now that we're usuallly too busy to see each other, we're pretty good friends.

If you can't move out, don't forget that you're an awesome person in my eyes, Gecko. Your presence in these forums reminds me of the teacher I wish I had in school. Don't ever forget that you're awesome.

Skullbie:Just four more months before i quit. Wish me luck surviving.


I wish you good luck and success.

25th Nov 2013, 3:40 AM #18
Jadelynn♀
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Buzzard:Living every day with a family member who belittles you constantly is pretty shitty


Yep. Yep. Speaking from almost a decade of experience here, yep.

Think about it this way. At least it's only your cousin who is really like that for you. With me? My older brother.

I have so little self esteem and self confidence left in my every day life because of him that just yesterday, I literally did not feel I had the authority to move something a little bit out of my way in order to do something I was asked to do. The main reason it took me so long to come to terms with me being Transgender is because I had so little self-confidence with myself that instead of admitting it even to myself, I just threw those feelings under the umbrella term of 'weird', along with things such as delusions of adequacy. Wasn't until I read a webcomic called Rain that I was able to recognize my feelings as what they are, and even then it took me most of a year to fully come to terms with that.

Even today, coming out about my feelings to my Mom, I didn't have the guts to do it. Not really. In order to be able to tell her, I went into this weird sort of state where I couldn't feel what was going on as real, the person speaking those words didn't feel like me, so there couldn't be any repercussions.

I don't know if I'll ever get better from the abuse he put me through.
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25th Nov 2013, 3:46 AM #19
Zoe⚧

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I was on cam for 121 minutes, and I made fucking $6.65
I have not had a day this bad since I started camming last year.

I was on the front page, my video and sound quality were fucking diamond clear
I don't understand
How this could happen

I logged off and cried, holy shit i have not done that in months
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25th Nov 2013, 4:54 AM #20
TheOneBlueGecko♀
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Jadelynn:Even today, coming out about my feelings to my Mom, I didn't have the guts to do it. Not really. In order to be able to tell her, I went into this weird sort of state where I couldn't feel what was going on as real, the person speaking those words didn't feel like me, so there couldn't be any repercussions.


I am going to explain a situation for me (which let me just say I know is no where near as worrying about telling your Mom that you are Transgender, so I want to make it clear that I am not meaning to suggest the worries are the same).

But, anyway, I wanted to change my college major from Electrical Engineering to Philosophy (with the thought that I would become a teacher), this was after my third year in college. It took me a whole long chunk of the summer before I finally got up the nerve to tell my Mom and oddly enough I would describe how I felt when telling her the same way you did right there. I mean, I was so freaked out stressed that when I finally told her it was almost without thinking, like my body was moving without me.

(She also totally took out my thunder of being worried by telling that she thought I was going to switch majors because I always seemed so excited when talking about my Philosophy classes.)

I don't know, I just really thought your description was interesting because it so captured how I felt.
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