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"Things you don't want to hear during brain surgery", 2nd Apr 2017, 8:00 PM #1
on complicated terms with man
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-"Oh God, there's a whole COLONY of them."
-"Dude, relax. You only use 10% of your brain. Chances are, they're not gonna notice the chunk that just fell out."
-"Huh. This thing is covered in wrinkles and folds. We should probably fix that."
-"Okay, I know it's 'against protocol' and everything, but how much damage is one small bite really gonna do?"
-"Aww, the eggs are finally hatching! Looks like SOMEONE'S going to be a mommy!"

That's all I got so far. Help me out with this list, guys.

Update: I just looked it up, and awake brain surgery is a thing. Doctors do it so they can ask questions and gauge responses in order to avoid damaging areas associated with speech and movement.
2nd Apr 2017, 8:04 PM #2
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(these scared me enough when getting my cavities filled, so I assume they'd be worse when receiving brain surgery)
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2nd Apr 2017, 8:08 PM #3
swears it's 7 inches
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"Is it waving at us?"
"Not sure if that's supposed to be blue colored"
"Someone call James Cameron and tell him that Chestburster shit can kiss my ass"
2nd Apr 2017, 8:12 PM #4
in the BIG CITY
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Pretty sure you don't wanna hear anything, 'cause that means you're conscious.

[EDIT]: Huh, the more you know.
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2nd Apr 2017, 8:12 PM #5

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"Well, that one's a CIA tracking device but I've no idea what those other two are."
2nd Apr 2017, 8:17 PM #6
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Bryfang:Pretty sure you don't wanna hear anything, 'cause that means you're conscious.

People receiving brain surgery are sometimes kept awake so surgeons can use their reactions to determine what they're poking at (slurred speech, patient goes incoherent, etc). Sounds creepier than it is.
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2nd Apr 2017, 8:23 PM #7
Birb is the Worb
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Bryfang:Pretty sure you don't wanna hear anything, 'cause that means you're conscious.

I don't know about nowadays, but in the past, being conscious for brain surgery was quite common. There are no pain receptors in the brain itself, and it let surgeons make sure they weren't messing with something important. There are stories about people playing the violin whilst having brain surgery to make sure their ability wasn't affected.

Nerding now being over with, here are some of mine:

Hey, this doesn't look like the diagram. Where are the bright colours?
Do you know what would happen if I cut into this bit? Let's try it. For science!
Don't panic, but I can't find my watch.
Well, looks like they won't be needing this anymore.
This might be a weird thing to say, but is anyone else feeling a bit... undead?
Relax dude. I'm awesome at surgeon simulator.
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2nd Apr 2017, 8:28 PM #8
ride 'til I die shitposter
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"I bet you my job my child can do a better job. picks her nose all the time, can't be any different right?"
2nd Apr 2017, 9:01 PM #9

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2nd Apr 2017, 9:07 PM #10
sticking it's tongue out emoji
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"Ew, what's that stuff coming out of it?"

"Let's just stab that part right there..."

"Great, now it's dripping all over everything."
2nd Apr 2017, 9:44 PM #11

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" Ok lets just play the How to video and we can pop that open"

" Humm...kind of empty in there"

" Dont worry sir,we know what we are doing,you wont live to regret this"
2nd Apr 2017, 9:57 PM #12
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I don't wanna hear anything during brain surgery. That means the anesthesia wore off.

Didn't notice someone else commented the same thing until after I posted this.
2nd Apr 2017, 10:24 PM #13
unabashed sycophant
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Bryfang:Pretty sure you don't wanna hear anything, 'cause that means you're conscious.

You actually do need to be conscious for brain surgery, I think.
2nd Apr 2017, 11:01 PM #14

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"Where'd that scalpel go?"
"What are we looking for again?"
"Oh, that wasn't the tumor, there it is."
"Shit, my contact fell out"
"Oh...well he can live without that."
"Just pull it out"
"Oh crap, this is the wrong patient."
2nd Apr 2017, 11:10 PM #15
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"This is going to be harder than I thought..."
"Don't put that there!"
"What did we just cut?"
"I wonder what would happen if I did this...?"

And if you're awake...
2nd Apr 2017, 11:19 PM #16

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"Hm....Did we put that back right?"

"Oh God,so much-um ketchup."

"Remind me next time the brain IS NOT a dozen small intestines smushed together."

"So uh,does this hurt when I poke it?"

"ARE YOU ALL RIGHT THERE?BECAUSE I THINK I JUST-Oh no no wait,that was totally uneeded for normal functions."

"So um,I think I chopped the brain in half?"

"Do we need to put ice on that?"


"Here let me just...and um goodbye tiny pink flesh bit."
2nd Apr 2017, 11:26 PM #17

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"Shit, wrong patient"

"um, th-that part wasn't important, was it?"

"how far do you think we can stick it in?"


"Ha! I could do this blindfolded - nurse! get ,me a blindfold!"

"Lunch break! someone get the janitor to take over."
2nd Apr 2017, 11:30 PM #18
Mmmm, I love this trash
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*chalkboard screech*
"you left the stove on and your house burned down."
"your mother is dead."
"donald trump."

bad anti-humour stuff aside...

"third time's a charm"
"so wait, do we cut the red wire or the green one?"
"did anyone bring the bugspray?"
"i think we've just discovered the true origin of the chia pet."
"nah, leave it open for now, there's a lot of fluid in there, we should probably let it dry."
"no wait, i have an idea!" *gets out a straw*
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3rd Apr 2017, 12:02 AM #19
Drum bum
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3rd Apr 2017, 12:11 AM #20

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"Never seen one of those before."
"Did you know the brain has no pain receptors? I could stab it right now and you'd never tell..."
"Nurse, it's looking at me!"
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