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Forum > Critique > Secret Reviewer 5.0 - Give a critique, get a critique!
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"Secret Reviewer 5.0 - Give a critique, get a critique!", 6th Jun 2017, 5:11 PM #1
snuffysam

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Hail and well met!

I'm sure a few of you have seen the previous 4 threads- but many of you haven't, and there are some rule changes, so...

The main idea is that of a secret santa-type thread, but for reviews. Simply sign up for the list, following the rules below. Once there are enough sign-ups, I will randomize the list, and PM everyone with the comic they need to review. Once you're done reviewing, post your review in this thread!

How to sign up:
1. Post a link to your comic.
2. If you comic is longer than 100 pages, specify which parts you want to be reviewed.
3. Post a list of all comics you have critiqued in the past (in a spoiler tag, please), so that you don't have to review the same comic again (and so that nobody gets someone who's already reviewed their comic).
4. Say which content tags you're willing to review (V, L, S, and/or N).
5. It would also be helpful if you said which tags your comic has- especially if it's hosted off-site.


Comic signups are now closed- but backup reviewer signups will remain open.

GUIDELINES:
-Reviews must be posted at most 10 days after the PMs are sent (but earlier is better of course). You will be sent reminders every 3 days you don't post your review.
-Feel free to use whatever style you want- harsh, nice, humorous, RP, art-focused, writing-focused, etc. The only stipulation is that it MUST be two paragraphs long at the minimum.
If you do not abide by these guidelines, you will be put on a blacklist and be banned from participating in future secret reviewer threads. I haven't had to do this yet- so do try not to be the first one.

There is also a second list for backup reviewers. If a reviewer fails to post a complete review by the due date, a random backup reviewer will be asked to take their place.
If you're fine with reviewing more than one comic, or if you just feel like reviewing a comic without having yours reviewed, sign up to be a backup reviewer! We could always use more!



There will be a limit of 20 on comic sign-ups, to keep organization simple. Sign-ups will close once a full day goes by without anyone posting in the thread. The backup reviewer list will have no sign-up limit, and can be added to at any time.


SECRET REVIEWER SIGN-UPS
1. snuffysam - Super Galaxy Knights Deluxe R (COMPLETE - Those Days So Long Ago)
2. kyrtuck - Obscuria (COMPLETE - The Sovereigncy)
3. nearmintmill - The Sovereigncy (COMPLETE - Obscuria)
4. Cojo - Random Stuff
5. SunnySideUpSmile - Those Days So Long Ago (COMPLETE - Random Stuff)


BACKUP REVIEWERS
1. snuffysam
2. khkddn
3. Nyomi (COMPLETE - Super Galaxy Knights Deluxe R)
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6th Jun 2017, 6:14 PM #2
kyrtuck

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Sure I can join this again.


And I won't read any NSFW
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6th Jun 2017, 6:24 PM #3
nearmintmill
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sure. and if they dont want to read more than 100 just start with vol 2

6th Jun 2017, 6:40 PM #4
snuffysam

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kyrtuck:Sure I can join this again.


And I won't read any NSFW


Specifically, which tags won't you read? Just S&N, or all four?

nearmintmill:sure. and if they dont want to read more than 100 just start with vol 2



Which content tags would you classify The Sovereigncy under?
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6th Jun 2017, 6:50 PM #5
Cojo

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6th Jun 2017, 8:30 PM #6
snuffysam

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Which tags would you be willing to read?
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6th Jun 2017, 9:19 PM #7
khkddn
dsg54 hfköäü %$& ♣♦♦❄
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I'll sign up as a backup reviewer without getting my comic reviewed. Any content warnings except N.
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whooaaaoaaaoh boom boom boom boom
6th Jun 2017, 9:49 PM #8
SunnySideUpSmile
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I'll sign up with Those Days So Long Ago, L, S, and V, though the V isn't that bad but I haven't done the reboot, and L isn't there yet. S is there though.

I've done Super Galaxy Knights Deluxe R, Obscuria, Mundane Maria, and Death Child.
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I have changed my name to River. Please refer to me as River if you use my name. Thanks.
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From the pun thread, I got a new nickname. PunnySideUpSmile. Yay.
6th Jun 2017, 9:56 PM #9
snuffysam

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Both added. SunnySideUpSmile, which tags are you ok with reviewing?
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6th Jun 2017, 10:05 PM #10
kyrtuck

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Just S and N I won't do :)
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6th Jun 2017, 10:52 PM #11
Nyomi
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me will sign up as backup, obligatorily! no comic i can get critiqued of course bc im a lazy piece of crap.

fine with any tags, im gonna take the assumption that no straight up porn comics will sign up for this.
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A little known fact is that I'm actually Danny Phantom in disguise. :O

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6th Jun 2017, 10:57 PM #12
SunnySideUpSmile
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RIght! I'm fine with all tags if need be, though I'd rather avoid L.
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I have changed my name to River. Please refer to me as River if you use my name. Thanks.
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From the pun thread, I got a new nickname. PunnySideUpSmile. Yay.
6th Jun 2017, 11:10 PM #13
snuffysam

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Nyomi:im gonna take the assumption that no straight up porn comics will sign up for this.


It's happened before. That's the reason I even take note of what people are willing to read in the first place.

You've been added to the backup list, and all others' preferences are noted.
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7th Jun 2017, 2:37 AM #14
nearmintmill
real doctor
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snuffysam:



Which content tags would you classify The Sovereigncy under?



its completely sfw. there's little to no language. Violence is probably the only thing i'd tag it for.
7th Jun 2017, 4:48 AM #15
snuffysam

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Noted! I'm going to assume that you're willing to review all tags, btw, seeing as you've already done so.
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7th Jun 2017, 6:19 PM #16
nearmintmill
real doctor
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yup
8th Jun 2017, 7:42 PM #17
snuffysam

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Well, that's enough people. I'll be sending out everyone's assignments shortly.

EDIT: Sent!
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11th Jun 2017, 10:13 PM #18
SunnySideUpSmile
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So I'm critiquing Random Stuff. It's a joke comic made in MS Paint. It could use some work. The Jones are okay but sometimes the tangents touch which isn't good. Also, you need to erase lines that don't belong sip the comic is easier to read.

The art needs work. I recommend FireAlpaca, it's free and easy to use. You did put in backgrounds in sometimes, I'll give you that. :) They can be a hassle.
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I have changed my name to River. Please refer to me as River if you use my name. Thanks.
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From the pun thread, I got a new nickname. PunnySideUpSmile. Yay.
Two weeks ago, 2:03 PM #19
kyrtuck

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Okay, I'm reviewing The Sovereigncy by nearmintmill


He's requested that I cover volume 2, but I tried reading a little bit of the first pages as well.


First off the art. It appears that he's colored it with some kind of water colors, which I'm really impressed by. He's uses it well for shading, and for the bright colorful effects. The comic pages have a good sense of pacing, and layout, so the story flows well. The poses and expressions are competently made. I guess the only thing I can suggest for art, is maybe you could try to employ different angles for a some scenes and make a few of the poses a little more dynamic. Maybe you could try to do the speech bubbles in some other way, with less thick outlines, but as is, they work out okay. Overall, the art is very good.


The plot was a little hard for me to follow, with lots of different characters, fantasy races, and organizations going on. I've read and enjoyed stories with lots of characters before, but they were written in better. With the beginning pages of Sovereigncy, its like a big mess of things thrown at the reader all at once almost. The story arc in vol.2 however, had a simple enough start and a good flow, and I could get a good enough grasp of what the characters were and what they were doing.
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13 days ago, 9:02 PM #20
snuffysam

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I got Those Days So Long Ago by SunnySideUpSmile

First the art. The art is DECENT for what it is. When you have access to your Photoshop Elements, it looks ok. When you don't, it doesn't. Overall, you still need to work on your anatomy, perspective, and consistency, but I can tell what's going on in each panel most of the time.

Your main issue is the writing. You need to know that we, the readers, cannot read your mind. There needs to be a clear progression of cause and effect for every event. For example, let's start on this page. Braiden offers to help Rhys with math. This is fine- it was set up earlier that she was having trouble, and that he was listening in on her muttering to herself. Rhys is concerned about Braiden's knowledge of her life, and asks if he is "the dreaded stalker". What? Does she have a stalker? Since when? Is she just paranoid? We don't hear Braiden confirm or deny this, nor do we hear Rhys elaborate on the stalker. Then, on the very next page, a character we've never seen shows up at the door asking for Braiden's help with an injury. Who is this guy? Why does he have an injury? Rhys helps the character with the wound instead, leaving Braiden stunned. Why is Braiden so stunned at what just happened? This guy knew Braiden somehow- does Braiden not know him? The relationship between Braiden and this guy is never explained- the chapter ends as soon as the bandage is applied. The name of this character is never mentioned by the way. I had to look at the cast page to find that out (it's Cameron).

That's another problem- there's too much important information on your cast page that isn't mentioned in the comic. Height is fine, hobbies are fine (although in a slice of life comic like this, they should be brought up in-comic), but... orientation? Gender identity? In a story with romantic threads, these things matter, and it isn't brought up at all. The only thing even hinting towards Rhys's sexuality is one line on this page, and I only noticed the implication because I knew both her and Lilly's orientation from the cast page.

(Also, FYI, I'm gonna refer to Rhys with female pronouns throughout this review, given that it's how she seems to present most of the time)

Back to the cause and effect thing. Chapter 2 suffers even more from it because romantic plotlines are introduced. It starts out with Rhys walking in on Braiden with... someone? Is Rhys jealous? Or just embarrassed? Does he know she was there? This is never explained. The next page is about her... reading her book in peace? Does Braiden normally annoy her too much to read or something? Rhys goes to a coffee shop to read her book, and sees Kari. We've never seen Kari before, but apparently Rhys has many times, because she recognizes that Kari's hair is a different color. They dye their hair. Now Rhys is arguing with Lilly... over the phone? Or in person? Either way, when did this conversation start? And again, these are two characters we've never seen together. They're at the party, and there are some fun interactions... but suddenly Annie's here! Rhys and Annie hate each other. Why? When did they meet?

So yeah, the big problem with your comic is that you seem to be skipping scenes a lot. My advice would be to find anywhere something is relevant but not set up (like the examples I mentioned), and add in more pages (and even entire chapters in some cases). In a slice of life comic, you can't have a conflict without knowing the characters who are conflicting.


I just noticed after writing this review that you refer to Rhys as "me" in some cases. Is this a comic diary of some sort (with name changes or whatever)? If so, that would explain the discrete events without much connecting them- it's easy to forget how you met your friends. Regardless, my point on giving us more information still stands. Also, if this is a comic diary, you should probably mention it in the profile or the tagline at the top of the page.
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Forum > Critique > Secret Reviewer 5.0 - Give a critique, get a critique!
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