Hey, people of comicfury. I was hoping to receive some feedback on the first issue of my new comic Masque. Art, writing, panel composition, plot, etc are all open for discussion. I want to improve and get better. This comic is a bit of a change of pace for me as well as style, so please tell me what you think and don't worry, I won't be offended. Thank you so much for the input! :)
Well I'm not much of a critic but so far, so good.
Everything works just fine together, the panelling is a bit thicker and the letters a tad bigger than usual but they somehow blend well with the drawings. It feels like the whole comic is in Bold mode, which is not a good thing per se, but it doesn't feel bad either and gives the thing its own charm.
Scene composition and flow is pretty neat... it shows how this is most likely not your first work, nor the second.
Plot wise it certainly has potential, not really my thing but there seems to be a lot of possibilities with those two and the bizarre world you've implied thus far. It's too soon to judge that, tho. One thing I can tell: that green thing in a suit is up to no good lol
The only real negative critic I can offer is that I had trouble reading some panels, the letters being a bit too similar (for instance "looking for the king" got me confused at first).
All in all as a first impression it was pretty solid! So thanks, and keep the good work.
I had difficulty understanding the purpose of the first few pages. He's in a store with a sad man? Then he leaves, and the dialogue implies that he was looking for something. The first page didn't really seem like he was looking for anything in the store, he just stares at the sad guy and leaves. I think this scene was supposed to establish the plot, but the book that Fern made explains it in much more detail anyway.
Nothing much happened in that first chapter other than introducing the characters and their mission. We know what they look like, and their names, but not really what they're capable of. Is there going to be fighting and magic in this comic? It seems like it, but we haven't seen any action yet. It feels like there aren't enough pages to really know what this comic is all about.
In short.....make more pages.
I don't have much to say about the art, it looked good to me. Your style is very consistent.
Thank you both so much! I agree I need help with the lettering, and boldness of it, but I didn't just want it to be times new Roman. And yeah, it will have fighting and magic and things like that. The first chapter is mostly exposition unfortunately. I appreciate the feedback on both ends! Thanks so much. :)
Hi, SkepticalDemon! You may already know about this but... If you're looking for good comic fonts, I always recommend BlamBot. Some of their fonts are free to download and use in an Indie comic. You can visit them here.
I, too, had some difficulty with reading- for example, I read "looking" as "100 king" and got confused for a minute. Overall, the lettering wasn't too bad, though.
I agree that the art style is nice and consistent, and I find the character designs interesting. Iris kind of reminds me of Medama-Oyaji from "Gegege no Kitaro".
I did have one point in the story where I wasn't sure whether or not it was serious or a joke. It was the sunset comment. Since there wasn't anything to see, I was thinking maybe they were kidding? If not, when you have a chance to do edits, you might want to make that a bit clearer.
Seems like an interesting start. I'll be following along to see where it goes!
I'll jump in here with a critique. I'm pretty much reiterating what others have already said
First off, kudos to writing in all the dialogue, but as it's been said, you will want to try and clean that up or take your time with it to make it more legible. If you aren't wanting to use pre-made fonts (like BlamBot), you might look into turning your handwriting into a usable font. I know there are sources online for that. The Wolf at Weston Court comic uses their handwriting as a font, and it's awesome. So you can keep that idea in mind :)
Your art is consistent and I like the style. The tone I get from the style is dark. Sort of a Tim Burton style? Hopefully that is what you are going for! Nothing much to be said on your art, just keep it up!
So my biggest issue with your first chapter so far is pacing. Pacing is a hard thing to get good at, especially with webcomics! But practice makes perfect! This first chapter, we really only learn a handful of things. We learn of the three characters, the king's mask, and that they are looking for it. Honestly, I feel like this could have been done in roughly 3 pages, instead of 12. For example...
Page 1: You could have have opened up with both Fern and Twig walking into the store with the sad man and ask him if he was carrying any magical masks.
Page 2: The next page could have been them walking out disappointed that they still haven't found the king's mask and how dangerous the whole situation is because of that.
Page 3: You could have introduced YE and that he would like to help.
See what I mean about pacing? I think the exposition could have been told a little bit quicker. The only reason I bring this up is because I am just now realizing this in my own comic! I try to make sure that every page I make involves something that moves the plot forward, especially in the world of webcomics where updates and progress can be so slow.
One thing you are doing an awesome job at is giving your characters individual personalities! I really love the contrast between Twig and Fern. You've made some really interesting characters, I would just love to see the story progress a little bit faster.
I hope I helped in some aspect? Keep up the good work!
Agh you're all so sweet. TvT yeah, I definitely need to clean up my writing (especially when I myself have a difficult time reading it at parts). And as far as the first page goes and the sunset as well as a general sense of "what, why?" It's all intentional. :P I had listed the genre as surreal because I do want it to be kind of unclear and weird in that aspect, like a David Lynch film. And yes the sunset was a joke because the backgrounds are so minimalistic. :P
I will definitely check out those fonts because I need help with that a lot.
And I need to work on pacing a lot too. Thank you so much. Those were both REALLY helpful criticisms.
Here's a bit of my advice for the art. The characters are appealing stylistically, and have charming designs. Although the placing of the characters in the background is very limited. Nearly all of the panels are the characters at a mid-shot right in front of the theoretical camera. The characters are not placed with the background in mind. I recommend creating a grid to have more areas to place the characters as well to have more than one character in each panel. I'd also say experiment with angles and perspective, but it doesn't quite seem necessary for the style of the comic.
<< Hopefully that is somewhat Helpful.Good Luck
Life is full of potatoes... only trust the melons.
Agreed! All these critiques have been super helpful. I often do that with my comics sadly, just a bad habit. But since this comic is more experimental, I'll try branching out into different shots and angles.