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"Bad Cop Reviews", 10 days ago, 3:20 PM #1
revzet

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Registration date: 23rd Jan 2014
Hello rearing my ugly face in this side of town again. For those that remember I used to do critiques and got a reputation for being pretty tough. Anyways here I am again to whoop more of y'all into shape.

Bad cop review things you should know:

-I'm very picky with what I read nowadays so I'm not nice. If I think your comic is good quality, I'll say so. But I don't sugarcoat a lot of things.
- If I reviewed your comic before you're welcome to resubmit it for a rereview.
- I review as if I'm a person stumbling on your comic. Which means, if your comic is too bloody hard to read don't expect me to get through your 400+ page archive.
- I'll try to stay on a review outline of topics: First impressions, writing, art, organization (website format, readability, etc)
- If you have a problem with the way I reviewed your comic I'm willing to discuss it as long as you're not an asshole about it

OK no first come first serve and I'll be reviewing two comics ready go

Comics:

Round 1:
1: Fallacy (done)
2: Just another Day (done)

Round 2:
1: Fortune be Damned (done)
2: House of Cards (done)

Round 3:
-Galebound(done)
-Spelunkying: The Colossal Cave
-Moxie
-Kyrin The KiD
-The Back o' Beyond
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10 days ago, 3:38 PM #2
Damatris

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I'd love one for Fallacy! Come kick my ass!
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10 days ago, 3:43 PM #3
Bizfurd
formerly ProRevo128
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If you could review Just Another Day that'd be great! Link is in banner
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10 days ago, 7:13 PM #4
revzet

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Alright gonna go ahead and do Just Another Day and Fallacy (already getting thru fallacy haha).

Critiques to follow soon!
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10 days ago, 7:18 PM #5
CinemochaRK

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Could you review House of C.A.R.D.S. (the first version, top banner signature)? Thanks

Edit: Oops, somehow I missed where it specified two comics
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10 days ago, 7:51 PM #6
halibabica
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Aw, I wasn't fast enough to get my balls busted, and from a seasoned balls-buster, too!
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10 days ago, 8:39 PM #7
Gluma

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Could you put me in a queue for your next queue?
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10 days ago, 9:08 PM #8
revzet

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Ok let's hit the ground running with FALLACY!

First impressions: Dat hair

Art: 7/10

Art is in the "okay but not professional" range. The author is dedicated and puts a ton of details into their characters (cloth patterns, braid made of tiny braids, etc) but they fail at basic stuff like composition/anatomy/facial expressions. I think the author would benefit from going back to the basics to practice and refine their skills a bit more before adding all the details onto them.

And one pet peeve that seems to be a recurring thing is size issues with the limbs.

The author has a tendency to draw arms and legs super short and skinny, and it's a bit of an eyesore because. it. Keeps. Happening. I used to have this problem too because I have very short legs and arms (GORILLA FOR LIFE) and what I did to kind of break this habit is establish the mindset "too long is better than too short". So if you're having a real hard time breaking that habit, highly recommend trying that out.

I do appreciate that for the most part the author doesn't avoid hard-to-draw areas though. There's horses, floor plans, landscapes, and action scenes. They're adventurous, and going back to work on the basics will boost them into that professional look they're on the cusp of reaching.

Writing: 4/10

There's a big problem area here.

First of all, the overall plot is smooth and stays on track. There's character development, banter, well-paced action, suspense. "So rev, what's the problem?" There's very poorly written dialogue. But before I jump into it, I'm gonna go on a short ramble about how important dialogue is to a good story.

Dialogue is sososososososososo important. It dictates pacing, weaves the plot together with symbols and metaphors, moves the plot forward, and brings the characters to life. For example, everyone has gotten a phone call, just to hear an automated telemarketer. Why does the telemarketer sound like a machine while a call from your mom sounds human? The machine is scripted, emotionless, just regurgitating facts and information. Meanwhile, a call from your mom could lead to a story, or maybe her asking questions about how you're doing. Maybe she's having a problem and wants to talk about it. Maybe she's upset with you and you're mentally prepare yourself to get a verbal beating. Either way, she sounds alive! Not a machine!

Anyways, why did I bother going on this tangent? The dialogue in Fallacy sounds like a telemarketer. The characters are just relaying information to each other. You don't FEEL anything as it's happening. And some of this is the "sound" of the dialogue.

I like to treat dialogue like music. It needs to have rhythm, one word should lead to the next easily without breaking the pace. So to kind of illustrate what I'm talking about I took some dialogue from page 115 and reworded it.

Original:

Nidi: They're alive. I think.
Thja: They?
Nidi: That's not important right not. We need to get out of here fast. I have a plan but I need your permission. I promise to explain everything when we are home. For now... Do you trust me?
Thja: I do.
Nidi: I'm going to change your shape. Don't try to fight against it.

-----
Edited:

Nidi: They're alive... Probably?
Thja: Probably?!
Nidi: Well- just- It doesn't matter right now! We need to get out, and fast! And, and.... Thjalfi can you trust me?
Thja: Of course.
Nidi: Then let me change your shape. Don't fight me.

Hopefully you can kinda see what I'm saying and you don't mind me hijacking your dialogue for a page.

Organization: 10/10

No complaints. Pages took a little bit of time to load but I think that was on my end so didn't take off any points. The comic is easily accessible, and I think it even mirrors on tap for even easier access.


Overall: 7/10

Your overall score wasn't that bad. I mean, Fallacy itself isn't that bad. However, it's got some things to work on for sure. But in a few years I could see Damatris is being force to be reckoned with.
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9 days ago, 5:41 AM #9
Damatris

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Thank you! You pointed out really good things to improve on. Especially about the dialogue! (And that hijack was great. Examples are always helpful!)

Sorry I don't have time atm to make a longer reply, I've got a guest coming over real soon. ^^'

But I really really appreciate this! <3<3
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8 days ago, 2:54 PM #10
revzet

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OK next on the chopping block is JUST ANOTHER DAY!!

First impressions: Webcomic starter pack

Writing: 6/10

It's a little hard to rate this since it's a gag a day. But I actually was pleasantly surprised to find that the jokes were moderately funny and creative. Sometimes though the author goes a little overboard and I would advise more caution in the future when handling mental illnesses and other sensitive topics.

But overall, very impressed.

Art: 4/10

Nothing really special here. It's a few levels above stick figure but obvious lack of pen pressure or any sort of original look to it. But I assume the author is pretty new at the art of webcomics so I would just advise to keep working at it and trying new and difficult things.

Organization: 2/10

Ok so low score here because the header image is wayyyy too big. A lot of people read most of their comics via mobile and when I opened it on my phone the comic page was pushed to the right because the header image was so big that it made the website wider than it needed to be. Simple mistake, but big turn off. If I was a person off the street stumbling on this comic the chances of me actually reading after seeing this is pretty low.

But the coding is adventurous and I appreciate the authors efforts to edit code. So two points and look forward to better made layouts in the future.

Overall: 4/10

Not a good score, but the author has a lot of room to grow and I look forward to what they'll offer in the future.



ALSO! On the topic of another round I will be doing at least one more round of these. Feel free to throw your name in the hat and if you posted already I'll be considering those as well. Will choose two more in maybe a day or so.
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8 days ago, 7:23 PM #11
halibabica
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In case it wasn't clear, I'm down to be destroyed. Link's in my sig.
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8 days ago, 7:29 PM #12
Bizfurd
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revzet:review


Hey thanks for the review! I agree with a lot of those points and I'm hoping to get better at it. :) With the header problem, I see it on my phone and as you say, it's too big. I have no idea what the correct size would be! I guess I'll have to experiment.

Good review. :D
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8 days ago, 8:05 PM #13
DaniBoy

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If you're still looking for slots to fill I wouldn't mind my comic being torn up. Just a little warning, the first chapter does have some non-sexual nudity and some slight gross-out.
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One week ago, 1:33 AM #14
revzet

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Bizfurd:Hey thanks for the review! I agree with a lot of those points and I'm hoping to get better at it. :) With the header problem, I see it on my phone and as you say, it's too big. I have no idea what the correct size would be! I guess I'll have to experiment.

Good review. :D


If you're using one image for the top changing it to around 800-950px should do the trick.
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One week ago, 9:27 AM #15
Gluma

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Link in sig, its quite short tbh (I posted already)

I like your reviews man, you're not afraid to be honest about it
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One week ago, 12:34 PM #16
revzet

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Alright I've decided on Fortune be Damned and House of Cards. More reviews to come!

Merged Doublepost:

Alright here's FORTUNE BE DAMNED!!

First Impressions: Indiana Jones with Animals

Writing: 4/10

Honestly, I have no clue what's going on. A few people got killed, there's animals, secret golden circle thing, and pretty boring characters. And not so much that the personalities of the characters are boring, but they all seem like the same archetype. All of them talk and walk the same way, they all fit the mood and tone of the story because they all feel like the same standard "smoker voice no nonsense male" personality. Which.... There's nothing wrong with that as long as it's not every single personality.

And another problem is the lack of exposition. I feel like this comic skipped the first immersion chapter and is throwing us into the plot with no emotional connection or idea to what is going on. "Show don't tell" doesn't mean "skip exposition". It means don't give a 2-page wall of text explaining everything, but rather have FUN telling the reader about your world and spend some time getting the reader to connect with it. Stories are like hot tubs. You don't cannon ball into it and get out. You go in slowly and sit there and enjoy it. So don't be afraid to take some time and get the readers immersed.

Art: 6/10

Not good, but improving. There's a lot of compositional issues that make the story a little hard to follow. For example in the latest page it looks more like the scene is changing rather than that character is looking at him. For some help with that I recommend checking out some YouTube channels focusing on filming, because there's a lot you can learn from it. Some of my favorites are "lessons from the screenplay" and "folding ideas".

Not much else to say besides that, I didn't take off any points for furries even though that confuses me to no end in comics (I get really caught up in the worldbuilding dynamics of those).

Organization: 6/10

I took off points because of two reasons.

The buttons on the bottom are tiny and it's annoying to zoom in on those. And the text is hard to read via mobile so took off for that too.

The other reason is for no comic summary. How am I supposed to get an idea for what I'm getting into if there's no description? Or from another direction- having no description can give the impression that the author doesn't even know what their story is about. Just throwing something up there would help.

Overall: 5.3/10

This comic has some issues but I see a lot of potential for it in the future. Keep up the good work!

EDIT: This "merged doublepost" thing sucks huh
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6 days ago, 4:46 PM #17
revzet

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Alright here's HOUSE OF CARDS!!

First Impressions: pink panther

Writing: 3/10

Well. Honestly it was a little entertaining to read at first but it kept getting more and more problems. I'm not gonna go over every single one but I'll go over two big ones:

1: The characters act really out of character. They're rival spies but now they're working together??? There was barely any conflict and it was kind of strange. They're more like plot slaves than actual characters now, and it's pretty obvious.

2: The pacing is all over the place. Sometimes it's too slow and sometimes it's too fast. Recommend you script out your story a little bit more before moving on to pages.

Art: 2/10

It's not really that great. It's sloppy and looks like haphazard scans pasted onto stock photos. Really all I can say is work on the basics more and stop using shortcuts.

Organization: 8/10

Little to no problems in terms of readability or website format. The composition is all over the place on the pages but that's something that's improved on over time.

Overall: 4.3/10

Not very good at all but the author has a lot of room in the future to improve. Look forward to seeing them grow and keep at it.
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6 days ago, 6:00 PM #18
Gluma

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revzet:Alright I've decided on Fortune be Damned and House of Cards. More reviews to come!

Merged Doublepost:

Alright here's FORTUNE BE DAMNED!!

First Impressions: Indiana Jones with Animals

Writing: 4/10

Honestly, I have no clue what's going on. A few people got killed, there's animals, secret golden circle thing, and pretty boring characters. And not so much that the personalities of the characters are boring, but they all seem like the same archetype. All of them talk and walk the same way, they all fit the mood and tone of the story because they all feel like the same standard "smoker voice no nonsense male" personality. Which.... There's nothing wrong with that as long as it's not every single personality.

And another problem is the lack of exposition. I feel like this comic skipped the first immersion chapter and is throwing us into the plot with no emotional connection or idea to what is going on. "Show don't tell" doesn't mean "skip exposition". It means don't give a 2-page wall of text explaining everything, but rather have FUN telling the reader about your world and spend some time getting the reader to connect with it. Stories are like hot tubs. You don't cannon ball into it and get out. You go in slowly and sit there and enjoy it. So don't be afraid to take some time and get the readers immersed.

Art: 6/10

Not good, but improving. There's a lot of compositional issues that make the story a little hard to follow. For example in the latest page it looks more like the scene is changing rather than that character is looking at him. For some help with that I recommend checking out some YouTube channels focusing on filming, because there's a lot you can learn from it. Some of my favorites are "lessons from the screenplay" and "folding ideas".

Not much else to say besides that, I didn't take off any points for furries even though that confuses me to no end in comics (I get really caught up in the worldbuilding dynamics of those).

Organization: 6/10

I took off points because of two reasons.

The buttons on the bottom are tiny and it's annoying to zoom in on those. And the text is hard to read via mobile so took off for that too.

The other reason is for no comic summary. How am I supposed to get an idea for what I'm getting into if there's no description? Or from another direction- having no description can give the impression that the author doesn't even know what their story is about. Just throwing something up there would help.

Overall: 5.3/10

This comic has some issues but I see a lot of potential for it in the future. Keep up the good work!

EDIT: This "merged doublepost" thing sucks huh


Haha thanks man, some negative feedback is quite refreshing tbh

Well I agree on the exposition part, I should have started the story from explaining/hinting some stuff that happens as I later realised. Well its my first storytelling experience ever so I gotta learn from my mistakes and move on. Still there's some exposition coming (this year I hope). It might be I'm just asking for reviews too early on.

Not exactly sure about characters though, in the only more-or-less dialogue I tried to portray characters differently with different posture and such, can't say how well it worked since its hard to get an outside view on your own stuff, but several people spoke positively about that thing. Maybe there wasn't enough room for proper character development yet (hell some of the main cast haven't even appeared yet), and well lol, they aren't all male and don't even all smoke haha

Yeah and thanks for hints on composition, this shet is very unobvious, you pretty much can't learn it intuitively
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6 days ago, 6:22 PM #19
Memoria Caelestie
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revzet:Art: 6/10

Not good, but improving. There's a lot of compositional issues that make the story a little hard to follow. For example in the latest page it looks more like the scene is changing rather than that character is looking at him. For some help with that I recommend checking out some YouTube channels focusing on filming, because there's a lot you can learn from it. Some of my favorites are "lessons from the screenplay" and "folding ideas".


I think the compositional issues mostly comes from the action not going from left to right. This page is a good example. the character is crawling away in a box toward the left instead of right. it makes reading the page a bit clunky.


I rearranged the page and it more easy to read now. Now the action follow along how the reader read your comic!
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it is pretty easy to fix for future pages ya! Otherwise your sequence are pretty good! also really like the first panel on this page.
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6 days ago, 6:27 PM #20
CinemochaRK

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Thanks for your feedback, it will be helpful going forward for whenever I get around to updating it again. I have been rethinking the prologue to make it tie in better with the rest of the story and character development, so again, I really appreciate the input.
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