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5th Jan 2019, 9:05 PM #21
Caley Tibbittz Collopy
Sword dude
User avatar
Posts: 4889
Registration date: 6th Mar 2012
Location: What the whore?!?
SMAComix:Why after 23-24 years does my mother NOT understand my tastes? Maybe its because I too chickenshit to tell her what I love and what I hate.

Based on experience, communicating with parents doesn't always lead to them reacting to what you've communicated with positive and constructive changes. I've told my mother multiple times that I don't want to talk about:

Trump
Politics
HGTV
Hallmark Channel Movies
People's random gruesome deaths she sees in the news
Astrology

...but every single day I choose to speak to her, she'll randomly toss at LEAST three of these things into the mix, apropos of nothing. It's feeling insensitive on a grand order at least, and rather passive aggressive at worst.

I'm so sick of hearing about random people dying in horrible ways. She knows I'm struggling with depression, much of it stemming from the horrible deaths of my father and my beloved cat. I don't need to hear about MORE death when remembering my daddy and my cat can still lead me to shift immediately to gasping, wheezing, messy tears. I'm in a VERY raw state, and, despite knowing this very up close and personally, she acts most of the time as if I'm fine.

The worst one, though, is the dumb astrology; she acts as if it's the key to understanding the universe, when it's provably utter superstition. There is no question as to whether it's real. It's not. I've told her several reasons why it's demonstrably not real. My favorite: the constellations have all shifted in the last 2,000 years, so everyone's sun signs are wrong. I was born in July during Cancer timing... except it's LEO timing now. I've explained this to her, but she treats this crap like gospel (it's the religion she uses in place of the religion she was raised with). I've told her I do not believe in it at all, and that I do not want to waste time talking about it. But still she insists.

Honestly, I don't think she respects me very much as a person.


So, yeah. You can try communication, but it may not do you much good.
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5th Jan 2019, 10:00 PM #22
Bryfang
in the BIG CITY
User avatar
Posts: 922
Registration date: 18th Oct 2016
Location: New York, NYC
I've recently got my own apartment and everything is just so much money.

I'm not just talking about getting the place, which don't get me wrong, was a lot of money. It more or less took me well over three month's rent to get (Rent/Security/Broker's Fee). But I'm also talking about the electricity, gas, and rent on top of the other bills I was paying before I got this spot. Now my student loan wants more money per month since I don't have a job where I work for peanuts anymore, so that's more I gotta pay per month with the income recalculated. Then I find out I gotta mail actual checks out for rent (I've never had to write a check in my life), so I went out and got a checkbook from my bank, but turns out it's $18 to get a checkbook. So I mail off my check which is due on the 1st, but on the 2nd I get a letter from my landlord saying that the place you mail the checks has changed, and they just introduced online payments. So I had to put a stop on the check since it's going out to the void (but could still be "accidentally" cashed later), but that costed $25. And then I paid online. So I literally just spent $43 for kicks. So yeah, not the best look on their part to tell us where to send rent checks after the rent is due.

Then I gotta get stuff to furnish the place, for starters I gotta get some blinds to stop people from looking in my window. Blinds were surprisingly a lot of money for what they were, but then I got home and realized I needed to have an electric drill to install them, so I just bought some curtains instead, including curtains for my shower. Then I tried to put up my shower curtain and found out they sold the rings to put the shower curtain up separately. And it's just the little things that start to add up, like..

- I finished unpacking, lemme throw this stuff away, oh wait, I don't have a garbage.
- Okay, I bought a garbage but now I need garbage bags.
- I need to buy a broom and dustpan so I can even pick up garbage to throw in the garbage.
- I need to eat, lemme go out and buy some foo-- oh wow, I don't have anything to cook the food in.
- I don't even have anything to eat my food with, I gotta get some forks and spoons.
- Ahhh leftovers, lemme heat this up and-- oh god, I don't even have a microwave.
- Etc.

It's just a seemingly endless chain of finding out I don't have something as soon as I need it; all that little stuff I used to take for granted before I got my own spot. Admittedly I brought some of this on myself since I could've just got a roommate and made this way easier on myself financially, but I really didn't want roommates again. Sometimes I ask myself: Is sitting in the living room, butt naked, listening to anime music on full blast, while playing video games uninterrupted (the key word here) worth all this money? The answer is always a resounding hell yeah, but still, I miss having more disposable income, all the same. :l
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6th Jan 2019, 2:52 AM #23
SMAComix

User avatar
Posts: 456
Registration date: 6th Jan 2017
Caley Tibbittz Collopy:Based on experience, communicating with parents doesn't always lead to them respecting what you've communicated. I've told my mother I don't want to talk about:
Trump
Politics
HGTV
Hallmark Channel Movies
People's random gruesome deaths she sees in the news
Astrology

...but every single day I choose to speak to her, she'll randomly toss at LEAST three of these things into the mix, apropos of nothing. It's starting to feel passive aggressive. The worst one is the astrology; she acts as if it's the key to understanding the universe, when it's utter superstition. I've told her I do not believe in it and do not want to waste time talking about it. Honestly, I don't think she respects me very much.

So, yeah. You can try communication, but it may not do you much good.


I can relate.

The older they get, the more hardheaded parents become. I swear my mother's generation grew up with the fucking television 24/7 and she thinks my technology consumption is a problem. TV and movies gave us shit morals to begin with, even the news is complete garbage. Like I try talking to her about my problems but it's the same old song and dance called "who can paint themselves as the most pitiful person in the room." She needs to be reminded that she isn't the one with the lifelong disability that shut lots of doors that I wanted open.

I'm sorry about your father and your cat. My cat died before I graduated high school. It was tough to keep sane. Some people are just unemphatic and expect people to do stuff by making people sorry for them. I don't want to be rude

I am a cancer too, but I don't think I fit into the stereotype. I never took it seriously but I kind of want to deconstruct how baseless and inane it all is. I was a crybaby back then but the sensitivity was beaten out of me years ago because other women said that I was playing into a backwards stereotype. Worse since I was in classes where I was the only girl. Don't get me started on the MBTI. It is bullshit to me despite the amount of money people spend to label things that doesn't need to be labelled into four stupid letters sixteen times.
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6th Jan 2019, 10:35 PM #24
TheStrangerous

User avatar
Posts: 535
Registration date: 12th Jun 2018
Location: El Inframundo
Why do high quality brand electronic devices are jamming after 2-3 years?!

My Samsung TV got part of it's screen display wrongfully, and now the Logitech speakers emit weird mic screetching sounds here and there...
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7th Jan 2019, 2:37 AM #25
SMAComix

User avatar
Posts: 456
Registration date: 6th Jan 2017
Usually my earbuds die after a month. I feel you.
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8th Jan 2019, 11:51 AM #26
Leafa
noticed 🐈
User avatar
Posts: 1725
Registration date: 22nd Sep 2009
Location: UK
Bryfang:I've recently got my own apartment and everything is just so much money.

I'm not just talking about getting the place, which don't get me wrong, was a lot of money. It more or less took me well over three month's rent to get (Rent/Security/Broker's Fee). But I'm also talking about the electricity, gas, and rent on top of the other bills I was paying before I got this spot. Now my student loan wants more money per month since I don't have a job where I work for peanuts anymore, so that's more I gotta pay per month with the income recalculated. Then I find out I gotta mail actual checks out for rent (I've never had to write a check in my life), so I went out and got a checkbook from my bank, but turns out it's $18 to get a checkbook. So I mail off my check which is due on the 1st, but on the 2nd I get a letter from my landlord saying that the place you mail the checks has changed, and they just introduced online payments. So I had to put a stop on the check since it's going out to the void (but could still be "accidentally" cashed later), but that costed $25. And then I paid online. So I literally just spent $43 for kicks. So yeah, not the best look on their part to tell us where to send rent checks after the rent is due.

Then I gotta get stuff to furnish the place, for starters I gotta get some blinds to stop people from looking in my window. Blinds were surprisingly a lot of money for what they were, but then I got home and realized I needed to have an electric drill to install them, so I just bought some curtains instead, including curtains for my shower. Then I tried to put up my shower curtain and found out they sold the rings to put the shower curtain up separately. And it's just the little things that start to add up, like..

- I finished unpacking, lemme throw this stuff away, oh wait, I don't have a garbage.
- Okay, I bought a garbage but now I need garbage bags.
- I need to buy a broom and dustpan so I can even pick up garbage to throw in the garbage.
- I need to eat, lemme go out and buy some foo-- oh wow, I don't have anything to cook the food in.
- I don't even have anything to eat my food with, I gotta get some forks and spoons.
- Ahhh leftovers, lemme heat this up and-- oh god, I don't even have a microwave.
- Etc.

It's just a seemingly endless chain of finding out I don't have something as soon as I need it; all that little stuff I used to take for granted before I got my own spot. Admittedly I brought some of this on myself since I could've just got a roommate and made this way easier on myself financially, but I really didn't want roommates again. Sometimes I ask myself: Is sitting in the living room, butt naked, listening to anime music on full blast, while playing video games uninterrupted (the key word here) worth all this money? The answer is always a resounding hell yeah, but still, I miss having more disposable income, all the same. :l


Oh gosh, I've been there. I really like living on my own, but you literally pay for it. I feel like the peace and happiness it gives me is worth every penny, but there are logistical considerations.

I found breaking out on my own had a fun side where it was fun to choose what to buy guilt-free because I knew I genuinely needed all the things I was buying, but I kept wishing i had a "this is what you need to set up a household" list. There are so many little things you don't think of.

I'm pleased to say that two years on I'm at a point where I have enough stuff and when I problem arises I usually have enough to fix it...
Except I recently needed a really small screwdriver and I didn't have one. Sigh.
8th Jan 2019, 12:22 PM #27
argylefox

User avatar
Posts: 3900
Registration date: 11th Jul 2014
Location: The Under
I found cheap-ass shops good when I moved out on my own. You know, those $2 shops or whatever. These days I avoid them, because I have money and the products are nasty, but initially they were good for a start.
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8th Jan 2019, 1:31 PM #28
Damatris
the only thing I'll hit is the books
User avatar
Posts: 2489
Registration date: 4th Mar 2014
Location: Finland
Bryfang:I've recently got my own apartment and everything is just so much money.

I'm not just talking about getting the place, which don't get me wrong, was a lot of money. It more or less took me well over three month's rent to get (Rent/Security/Broker's Fee). But I'm also talking about the electricity, gas, and rent on top of the other bills I was paying before I got this spot. Now my student loan wants more money per month since I don't have a job where I work for peanuts anymore, so that's more I gotta pay per month with the income recalculated. Then I find out I gotta mail actual checks out for rent (I've never had to write a check in my life), so I went out and got a checkbook from my bank, but turns out it's $18 to get a checkbook. So I mail off my check which is due on the 1st, but on the 2nd I get a letter from my landlord saying that the place you mail the checks has changed, and they just introduced online payments. So I had to put a stop on the check since it's going out to the void (but could still be "accidentally" cashed later), but that costed $25. And then I paid online. So I literally just spent $43 for kicks. So yeah, not the best look on their part to tell us where to send rent checks after the rent is due.

Then I gotta get stuff to furnish the place, for starters I gotta get some blinds to stop people from looking in my window. Blinds were surprisingly a lot of money for what they were, but then I got home and realized I needed to have an electric drill to install them, so I just bought some curtains instead, including curtains for my shower. Then I tried to put up my shower curtain and found out they sold the rings to put the shower curtain up separately. And it's just the little things that start to add up, like..

- I finished unpacking, lemme throw this stuff away, oh wait, I don't have a garbage.
- Okay, I bought a garbage but now I need garbage bags.
- I need to buy a broom and dustpan so I can even pick up garbage to throw in the garbage.
- I need to eat, lemme go out and buy some foo-- oh wow, I don't have anything to cook the food in.
- I don't even have anything to eat my food with, I gotta get some forks and spoons.
- Ahhh leftovers, lemme heat this up and-- oh god, I don't even have a microwave.
- Etc.

It's just a seemingly endless chain of finding out I don't have something as soon as I need it; all that little stuff I used to take for granted before I got my own spot. Admittedly I brought some of this on myself since I could've just got a roommate and made this way easier on myself financially, but I really didn't want roommates again. Sometimes I ask myself: Is sitting in the living room, butt naked, listening to anime music on full blast, while playing video games uninterrupted (the key word here) worth all this money? The answer is always a resounding hell yeah, but still, I miss having more disposable income, all the same. :l


I feel you. Living alone is pretty expensive, especially at first, but I too loooveee it.

My advice is to hit thrift stores. You can find all sorts of well kept things from furniture to screwdrivers. I pretty much own only couple of bookshelves, bed and one table that I got as new furniture. And part of my cookware is new too. Everything else is secondhand. Took basically everything from my childhood room with me and collected things like another table, clothes washer, sofa, TV, etc from either relatives, friends or from secondhand stores. And when my toaster broke a while ago, I complained about it to a friend and turned out they had a spare one. :'D

Basically, don't think everything absolutely has to be brand new. You can always replace things when you have more money and want to.
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15th Jan 2019, 3:26 AM #29
Shekets
🕎 Light it up 🕎
User avatar
Posts: 540
Registration date: 4th Apr 2017
Location: In every Jewfro
Lemme just greentext
>order charms
>should be fucking wonderful!
>set up files
>company says they'll look over the files and tell me if there are any problems!
>get busy over the holidays
>ok cool
>your files are approved
>ok! cool!!
>your order has shipped!
>YAY! VERY EXCITED
>no shipping tracking or info
o-oh ok
>3 weeks
>get charms
>EXCITED
>open them up
CHARMS ARE FUCKING PRINTED BACKWARDS
>company doesn't do returns
>$120 down the drain
>cut my loses and worship satan
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15th Jan 2019, 4:19 AM #30
lirvilas
Venture Capitalist
User avatar
Posts: 2397
Registration date: 24th Mar 2014
Location: Changing Lives
Nm
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15th Jan 2019, 5:16 AM #31
Bandkanon

User avatar
Posts: 518
Registration date: 25th Feb 2011
Location: space(?)
Probably too negative and not in the same vein of grievances, but

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... on toast.
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15th Jan 2019, 6:22 AM #32
Wrathborne

Posts: 98
Registration date: 30th Dec 2012
Location: Home
The internet has turned into a hyper sensitive hate machine that runs off of politics, bullshit, and demands for validation and is all about social grooming towards one political ideology and the dehumanization of those who don't support that ideology.

It used was about shit posting, laughs, and cat pix.
15th Jan 2019, 8:19 AM #33
Bear

User avatar
Posts: 908
Registration date: 6th Dec 2011
Location: Australia
My grievances are dry now and I've brought them in...
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15th Jan 2019, 9:18 AM #34
swamp
Min-Pin Kingpin
User avatar
Posts: 1224
Registration date: 8th Feb 2017
Location: Not Montana
swamp:
I've started a new job, and I love the work, but it's a lot of walking. The pain is so bad and i feel too sick to eat.


Happier update on the job: I'm only doing 9 hours a week, so the financial situation is pretty die, but I'm slowly getting used to it that I should be able to take a few more clients. I'm eating a bit again and the bone in my foot finally popped in. Also my clients are incredibly sweet and every single one of them is a delight.

Dumb update: I got more practical shoes to keep my foot bones from popping out, and managed to pop my ankle out of place trying on shoes.
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16th Jan 2019, 2:05 AM #35
Shekets
🕎 Light it up 🕎
User avatar
Posts: 540
Registration date: 4th Apr 2017
Location: In every Jewfro

-screams-
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16th Jan 2019, 8:22 PM #36
GabbyGood
will die on Dec 14th 2021, 3:25 PM
User avatar
Posts: 457
Registration date: 9th Nov 2014
Location: Denver
@Shekets FFFFFFFFFFFF (I was part of a thing called Project Ruby which is free birth control. They have "online physicians" so I'm not sure how it will affect you and your needs but it may be an option? Gods how frustrating.)

This is kind of long winded so I'm spoiling most of it since it also includes some violence and self loathing but I legit am going to explode if I don't let this off my chest in its entirety.




So yeah. Thats that.
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16th Jan 2019, 9:45 PM #37
Shekets
🕎 Light it up 🕎
User avatar
Posts: 540
Registration date: 4th Apr 2017
Location: In every Jewfro
@GabbyGood I've tried two different services, the Pill Club and Nurx to no avail. I don't think I should try another service at this point because they've both said they need a doctor to see me and then call or fax in to them. So much for that.

I don't know how helpful police are in your situation, but if you and your husband start making video and audio recordings (candidly, if you intimidate them with your phone they're more likely to get angry) of your neighbors interactions with you or any threats from them, it can help you with an eviction process or restraining order. Since they're drug dealers, they're probably not going to care about a restraining order or police threats and they probably have that gun illegally.

The only thing you can really do in that instance is contact law enforcement, tell them what's going on, gather evidence, get your own gun (legally of course), learn basic gun safety and look into getting a concealed carry license since you can't move immediately.

Gun talk under spoiler, so if you want to ignore this you can

Good luck, that's fucking terrifying and horrible.
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16th Jan 2019, 10:20 PM #38
heckos

User avatar
Posts: 853
Registration date: 21st Nov 2014
Location: New York (not the city)
I have six figures of college debt, my parents are bankrupt, and my childhood home is in foreclosure. I go back to school next Monday and it has to be sold by March so these are probably my last days here. If we don't sell by then my parents and sister will be homeless, and my sister and mom both have health issues. Both my parents are barely keeping it together and are depressed, tired, and helpless. They were supposed to retire here, it was supposed to be their dream home back when they had enough money to retire and I had a college fund and the recession hadn't ruined everything for fourteen years. Real estate was hit early and long, and my dad's office has never truly recovered. He's worked two jobs, the other being at Trader Joe's, for ten years and his store is about to demote him even though he's the most stupidly dedicated employee they have because the store just got a new captain who's a real asshole. Within all this, I have to graduate somehow and find a good enough job before my loans start piling on next November and the Earth is dying and the government falls farther into the shitpile every day. There's no escape and I'm so scared
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16th Jan 2019, 10:43 PM #39
GabbyGood
will die on Dec 14th 2021, 3:25 PM
User avatar
Posts: 457
Registration date: 9th Nov 2014
Location: Denver
Shekets:@GabbyGood I've tried two different services, the Pill Club and Nurx to no avail. I don't think I should try another service at this point because they've both said they need a doctor to see me and then call or fax in to them. So much for that.

I don't know how helpful police are in your situation, but if you and your husband start making video and audio recordings (candidly, if you intimidate them with your phone they're more likely to get angry) of your neighbors interactions with you or any threats from them, it can help you with an eviction process or restraining order. Since they're drug dealers, they're probably not going to care about a restraining order or police threats and they probably have that gun illegally.

The only thing you can really do in that instance is contact law enforcement, tell them what's going on, gather evidence, get your own gun (legally of course), learn basic gun safety and look into getting a concealed carry license since you can't move immediately.

Gun talk under spoiler, so if you want to ignore this you can

Good luck, that's fucking terrifying and horrible.


Wow that’s a lot of good info. Thank you for that. We have a police report filed so right now it’s a waiting game, but with these other circumstances everything is just overwhelming. We do own an old WWII rifle with a bayonet. But I don’t think it will be suitable for me cause it has enough force to basically dislocate my shoulder >_> it’s scary looking At the very least. I mean I own a plethora of knives and baseball bats, a small handgun might be best. There are various ranges out here in Colorado I can check out to just learn. I’m also thinking of taking self defense classes so I don’t get cornered in the parking lot or anything. I really appreciate the info. This blows my mind because I lived in the literal hood in New Jersey with my father for some time and never felt as scared as I do now.
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18th Jan 2019, 3:20 PM #40
Pavchka
Affection Bus
User avatar
Posts: 1650
Registration date: 6th Aug 2013
Location: The Netherlands
One of my close relatives has suddenly gone alt-right. Jordan Peterson is his guru and he votes for Thierry Baudet's Forum voor Democratie. When we asked him why, he said he hates "PC culture", believes leftists are immature SJWs oppressing the right wing, which consists entirely of rational people, that Trump "is not wrong", and that gender equality literally is communism. Every time we're together he tries to pick fights by bringing politcs into everything ("Hah, just another stupid left wing girlie thing" about a cat café being opened in town, "Why do you even go to museums? They're wastes of money and I'd close them all down", "Climate change is a hoax" when we're not even talking about climate change, etc etc), so we haven't had a fun evening together in weeks. He even kicked up a stink during our Christmas dinner.

Thing is that when my brother, who knows everything there is to know about politics as far as the US and Europe are concerned, asked him to explain why he felt certain ways, that relative knew nothing. He didn't know about Breitbart and Infowars (according to him Fox News is the only right wing news outlet of any kind - evil leftist oppression since they have more!). He didn't know about Pizzagate and birtherism. He has no idea what communism is other than Big Brother Is Watching You And Taking Your Money. He knows nothing about politics except what he wants to hear. All of his arguments fall apart when he's forced to defend them.

We're not left wing, at least not where the Dutch political compass is concerned. Except for one aunt who votes Wilders because she's afraid she'll be raped by Eritreans (?), we're either smack-bam in the middle, or right of centre. And then there's him. We have no idea what caused him to suddenly swing right. He does have a dodgy "fuck society" friend who also got him into cigarettes and pot and who's also alt-right. I'm perfectly in favour of legalisation of pot, but all this relative does is stack shelves at work, game, smoke pot, eat junk food to the point of malnourishment, and watch his alt-right vlogs. He's not enjoying his studies much, maybe that's it. He tends to get "down" very easily and does not have his emotions under control. Perhaps he feels his life is stagnating and is looking for a purpose.

It's funny because he's screaming for the sheeple to wake up, while he's always been a sheep himself. He doesn't have a strong personality or strong convictions. He doesn't even have the ability to say no to a request. He'll just hem and haw and then ultimately refuse to do it by simply not showing up when you need him. But he's also very kind and in some way innocent, still playing with toys and building model ships even though he's well into his twenties. He's lost, but thinks he's found the way. A psychologist could help him, but he feels he's fine and the world is against him.
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