I'm in a program with several practicums, and I just finished my first practicum. And it was extremely challenging! So many things went wrong, the whole, "It can't get any worse- *GETS WORSE*" thing happened, and now I'm back at my university to prepare for my next practicum.
And I don't know how to articulate this, but it still feels like the rough experience I had is tagging along behind me like a spectre. I think my head has accepted that the main challenge is over, but my heart still remembers the difficulties that hurt the worst. I want to move forward to prepare for the next practicum with the knowledge that I DID IT, I survived the challenges with professionalism and reslilence, but ????
Creativity is usually how I deal with stuff, but I just haven't had TIME, and yesterday morning my mind was utterly blank for things to do. So yep. I'm playing lots of pokemon instead. :')
I don't feel much grief for anything; I am having a good life. But as I near the big 3-0 this year, I'm starting to worry about my health... namely, about my lack of health insurance? The last time I tried to seek medical care (for a small animal bite, of all things) they tried to slap me with a $2000 fee.
Recently, while living/working up in Alaska in a place with pretty shitty housing, I picked up a skin condition. I thought it was due to the super-dry mountain air, but this itch kept getting worse until it was unbearable and eventually both me and my boyfriend started noticing a rash that was distinctly on our hands. But like, we couldn't just... go see a doctor. Eventually, even though I know that self-diagnosing is stupid and potentially dangerous, I narrowed our shared symptoms down to mites and eventually ordered a pesticide solution for *farm animals* to mix into a cream for both of us. I stopped taking antihistamines two days ago, and the itch has lessened significantly for the first time in months. It seems like I guessed correctly. Lucky me.
What's not so lucky is that I have a close family history of autoimmune disorders, and in the past few years I've started displaying signs of them. I've had chronic back pain for nearly two years now, and my hands are always freezing which was one of my sister's symptoms before she got diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. I'm sure it's a "when" not an "if" that these will become debilitating problems as I get older, and I won't be able to self-treat for things like that.
The past few days, I've been experiencing really bad heartburn out of the blue and just, it could be nothing but it could be anything. But after the whole mite dilemma, I'm feeling hyper-vigilant against any kind of ailment, and painfully aware of how economically vulnerable I am.
jamanning7:I'm a failure at everything I do. I can't pass my drivers test or get a job. I failed at college too.
Now in terms of art and comics: I hate every comic and drawing I made. There isn't a single good thing about my art. It's not well-written, interesting, funny, innovative, talented, compelling. There's no style to it or anything. I completed three comics and one ongoing. None of them are good they all suck and I suck as well. No one understands what happens in them because I draw terribly. Everyone is bored with my comics because they're so bad. So many more people are talented so I'm wasting my time. No reedeeming qualities.
1) I don't even own a vehicle. I'm 27 and have only drove 3 times in vehicles that weren't my own. I have nothing other than an ID and a social security card. The only thing I have a license to drive are military HMMVs.
2) My comic has to be the worst written piece of garbage on this site. I'm not even kidding, I don't even write it. I think about the idea and draw it then use the first drawing I can.
3) I'm 27 years old. While I can go to college for pretty much free, I'm slowly beginning to feel it doesn't even matter because I'm so old, if I do decide to get into the industry I plan on entering, the earliest I will be able to enter would be at age 35. Wasted far too much time in the earlier sectors of my life
4) I work at Rouses, and while my boss is cool and pays me above minimum wage, I still live with my aunt because I'm too broke to move out.
Now watch what happens when I flip these scenerios with a little self reflection and a tad bit of Nihilistic secular humanism:
1) I run/jog/bike and walk to most locations which has caused to to gain muscle mass and stay in shape. Slowly building up my terrible credit to buy a car.
2) It is a hobby. I do it because I enjoy drawing. You know who started in a webcomic that had terrible art that nobody cared about? This guy:
People were telling ONE(the original creator) he would get nowhere with his series. They were wrong. What matters is that you are consistant and that you do it because you love it. While the audience and the success would be nice, it shouldn't be the only reason you work on your series. If it is, you will always be miserable because building up something to that extent takes time. It took ONE years of work and dedication before his talent got recognized.
3) What you failed at does not matter. Who you are in the past is not who you are now. If you felt it was important, try again, try from an alternative angle, or do something diffrent and follow your instincts. Fun fact, Bill Gates was a college dropout and Robert Downey Jr. dropped out of high school because he felt it was useless. WOW he wasn't too far off, his net-worth towers mine and I did excellent in high school. What matters is what you learned and how will you incorporate it to become better and stronger.
4) It is literally better than nothing.
Please don't feel so defeated. No ones' life is a clear cut path, everybody hits those bumps in the road, but also don't fool yourself into believing that a point in time comes in your life when you lose the opportunity to change it. There is always a chance to become better, you need to just capitalize on it.
I've gotten some comments at (art-)school about my art. From a teacher and a classmate. All in fun, but the comments stuck to me like glue.
All on the same piece. Once was from the teacher about the character's figure and how it was "like a teenage boy's understanding of the female body" and the other was from a classmate (friend) about how flat the result was after I modified (and had finished) the darn thing. I don't want to be the one to say "it's my style", because that's not an excuse. But first off it wasn't supposed to be a realistic piece, which my style isn't, although I like to think I'll get there some day. But this piece especially I planned to exaggerate features of the female body in general since the article I based it on talked about how society viewed the "ideal female body" amongst other things (like the climate). Second, it was a study on a specific artist's painting style, which meant the process was different from how I usually worked, which means I was at a disadvantage to begin with (but so was everyone else). Even then, I quite enjoyed it. But I had struggled so much with trying to make everything look decent in the first place that it really stabbed my in the heart when I got that last comment about how flat it was. Because I had already finished it AND it surpassed my own expectations. I'm rarely as happy with the end result as I was this time, and of course I apparently didn't have the right to be. Didn't help that the school printer decided to up the contrast about 60%. The background was almost black (which actually kind of looked better???), but the colours got really flat because it lacked a lot of the shading.
Of course when I got that last comment I just laughed along, seemingly agreeing, but I wish I hadn't because that just prolonged the whole "taking the piss" situation.
It feels shitty and I feel stuck in my current skillset.
Image in question in case you're curious.
It's just absurd because it's not like I never get compliments for my art (wow that sounds conceited). The other day a teacher (who is really skilled in painting which I adore) had to stop and complimented a small sketch of a landscape I had doodled. It caught me off guard and I really appreciated it, but I also hate that compliments don't weigh as much as negative criticism or comments.
Also this is not to say I can't take criticism, as a matter of fact I love when I get it. I just don't like when people make fun of my work and pass it off as constructive criticism.
school crits suck, like Really suck. I hope that your teacher gave you a greater insight into how your work might be improved and not just straight belittled you infront of the class- youre a student not a master, man. I'm sorry that they were very unprofessional. And speaking from experience, my advice is to try and take solidarity in the other people around also getting beaten to a pulp on crit day, if the teacher won't give you any positive feedback you'll have to look out for yourselves.
It was kind of hidden in a sentence. Like, "Maybe change this,because right now it looks like a teenage boy's understanding of the female body" kind of deal. It was while we were all working, so not everybody heard it but I definitely felt pointed out. She's a very innocent and friendly person, but her saying that really... insulted me in a way? Perhaps because she is the way she is it really caught me off guard.
I don't know if I just don't notice it or if I'm not present when other people get criticism, but I really haven't noticed anyone else getting those kinds of comments, which doesn't make me feel better, hah.
The other student that commented on my piece is visibly better than me, or more comfortable with what they're doing, and also a few years younger which isn't good for my ego. I also really respect their work because it looks so effortlessly good. But you really can't compare yourself to other artists, and I try my damndest to remind myself of that whenever thoughts like that creep in. Like you said, "You're a student not a master". I should keep that in mind more often.
I think I'm going to have a panic attack or something. I've been *energized* all week and I thought that it was a good thing but today it turned into irritation and my heart won't stop beating loudly despite trying to rest all day. I'm so uncomfortable in the time where I should be chill, like is a change in schedule really that jarring for me? Weak. I am going to try more things like starting up proper exercise again and hopefully it won't turn into me having no energy and still being anxious ;(
"Get Brexit Done, and let's move this great country forward!" - Mop haired clown
Yeah, it's depressing. I voted tactically for Labour, who lost to the Tories in my seat (which has been Conservative since 2010), but would rather have voted for the Liberal Democrats if they stood a chance of winning in my area.
Personally I hate both parties. I'm not a fan of Labour's ties with the unions or mass renationalisation plans which I feel will harm economic competition. At the same time, I'm socially liberal and so disagree with the Tories on many domestic issues. Do I vote for the party that I marginally prefer economically or socially? I went for the latter.
I voted in the rain with a bandaged arm and difficulties walking. Voted lib dem, since my constituency is always either conservative or lib dem, which was cool since they're the ones I actually support. I would by far take Corbyn over Boris, even though I haven't at all liked him since his support of Shemima Begum. Lesser of two evils.
spoilered for angry political rant that's probably offensive to brexiters and conservatives.
And by this point? Fuck it, I thoroughly believe brexit is 'evil.' The increase in racism and hate crime after the referendum, the fact people would accept people having no food or heat, children on the floors of hospitals, the NHS in a perilous state and OBVIOUS lies just for some stupid thing that'll make everything worse?
It all comes down to hurr durr keep the foreigners out which disgusts me. This is your 'freedom?' This is what you prize so much?
God knows how we'll make it through another 5 years of this shit.
We are like brothers. I hate conservatives, but the Dems here are corrupt and useless too. I didn't know that Liberal Dems existed in other countries too, I was under the impression that those were terms just used to describe U.S. parties, lol. But I have faith the independents will take the stage again one day, but until then I guess the Dems are better than nothing.
The Democrats kind of come in two kinds - the pro-business centrists, which I generally consider as being closest to the British Liberal Democrats or New Labour (Tony Blair), with a few possibly being similar to the now dead socially liberal wing of the Tories, and the Democratic Socialists, which are closer to the left of Labour here. I'd say that more moderate Republicans are similar to the bulk of Tories, with hardline ones being closer to the Democratic Unionist Party (a right wing Loyalist Northern Irish party which is still opposed to LGBT rights and abortion).
I would vote for the Lib Dems if I could but they're a wasted vote where I live. There's a certain abruptness I've noticed with a lot of Leave voters in the way they talk, and I find Remainers tend to sound a little more laid back in their speech style.
Corbyn mentioned in his speech yesterday morning the word "comrades", which isn't the kind of thing you'd get a moderate person in Labour use.
How do you get over feeling that your art has gotten worse over the decade? I actually started tearing up upon asking that question. I honestly kind of go through this every year. Looking at old art made in middle school, shouldn't I feel like my art has come a long way? That expectation has been keeping me going. Unfortunately, I'm the same every year and somehow actively worse than where I began. Do I hate my art? No, its as mediocre as it gets. Serviceable and competent as some people put it. I'm not creative enough to give my art a special personality. I've always felt that I wasn't a creative person but my ineptitude is really starting to bother me because I want to do this for a living. Its the only thing I can do which is the saddest part of it all. All I can do is continue my futile efforts and at the end of the next decade, have nothing to show for it.