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"How did you guys become Happy?", 11 days ago, 12:47 AM #1
defo18

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I just feel dead now.
I was diagnosed in march 2018. its now august 2019 and feel worse.


I drink daily now and I just don't feel like putting in effort.
I'm sad constantly and I fight with friends and family all the time.
I just sit among trash all day after work getting drunk.

and scanning reddit doesn't help.
The nice guy forums
the incel forums
the feminist forums
the purple pill debate

I just need some answer. I don't even know if the old me was a good person. I feel like i was always some whiney bitch. I tried my best to become better but I just feel like a giant clown

I've been called too much to handle or an asshole o a hell raiser these last two years

I feel like my head is on loop all the time. And I know its not fair to ask my fiends to stay around me but dammit I miss them. I want to go back to the old days. I dug myself out and made friends. Why am I back here. It's like middle school all over again. I just can't have a good day.

I CRAVE some of that happiness back.

How did you guys do it? If you were depressed, how did you climb out.
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11 days ago, 12:55 AM #2
TheHiddenElephant
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Well, I suffer from depression. Not confirmed, but the suicidal thoughts seem to be a good indication as well as the general sluggishness and unwillingness. But the one thing that always makes me happy, without fail, is a good story. It doesn't matter if I read it, see it, or hear it. And I'm not talking about some campfire tale or something a relative did this past weekend, I'm talking about the big. Meaty. Story. Volumes of books, seasons of individual shows, it don't matter. If I like it, I'll stick to it until it ends. The only hurdle is cost, of course, but there's things outside of money, and if I really like a story, then I'll go buy the physical material for it.

Music also works. I listen to metal. I got happy metal and sad metal (no angry metal), and pop it in as I see fit.

Also, if it's depression we're talking about, it does actually get better. Sounds BS, I know, but it's true. My depression was much stronger for me just a few years ago, hell, even 1 year ago, than it is today. Same story with my father; he had depression during his college years and while it didn't magically vanish overnight, it did get better. Ditching the alcohol helps, never understood why they invented it.
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11 days ago, 1:00 AM #3
DiggityDogDingo

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I am not aware of what your diagnosis might be so the following is just based on the rest of your post without any consideration to a possible medical issue. (Professionals are often the best for that anyway.)Same with Alcoholism so I shan't be addressing that either.


Simply put? It's impossible to keep a white suit clean in a mud pit.


It's really easy to fall into a feedback loop of negativity if all you choose to do is surround yourself in negative content. Stop browsing subs that make you feel negative or are aimed to generate vitriol. Anger and frustration begets anger and frustration. You need to choose, in whatever small way to find a nugget of positivity however surface level. There are many feel good subreddits out there for example, there are positive thought generators that you can receive daily.

Think of it this way. Your jar is full, you have no room for positivity at the moment. So you need to *remove* negativity so that you at the very least have a more empty jar to work with.
11 days ago, 1:03 AM #4
defo18

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TheHiddenElephant:Well, I suffer from depression. Not confirmed, but the suicidal thoughts seem to be a good indication as well as the general sluggishness and unwillingness. But the one thing that always makes me happy, without fail, is a good story. It doesn't matter if I read it, see it, or hear it. And I'm not talking about some campfire tale or something a relative did this past weekend, I'm talking about the big. Meaty. Story. Volumes of books, seasons of individual shows, it don't matter. If I like it, I'll stick to it until it ends. The only hurdle is cost, of course, but there's things outside of money, and if I really like a story, then I'll go buy the physical material for it.

Music also works. I listen to metal. I got happy metal and sad metal (no angry metal), and pop it in as I see fit.

Also, if it's depression we're talking about, it does actually get better. Sounds BS, I know, but it's true. My depression was much stronger for me just a few years ago, hell, even 1 year ago, than it is today. Same story with my father; he had depression during his college years and while it didn't magically vanish overnight, it did get better. Ditching the alcohol helps, never understood why they invented it.


I can relate. There wee tons of stories that helped me out of a dark place. But now my minds turns negatives to positives. I cringe looking at some of the stuff i used to enjoy now and I HATE IT.

I just hear naysayers in my head now.
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11 days ago, 4:36 AM #5
NiteStick

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in elementary school I had issues with social anxiety and clinical depression. I had panic attacks at school because I wanted to just go home so I would feel better. I remember feeling trapped.

The first thing that helped me was a Dr who told me to create this TV in my mind and play things on it that did make me happy. I remember doing that and have it "playing" episodes of the Simpsons and WWF Monday Night Raw. I would just play comforting things in my brain to focus on and it helped me.

It came back hard years later in high school that caused me to mess up a year and go to night school. One day I missed being able to be around my friends and hang out so I started seeing the positives more and was able to over come a lot of the issues. I know it's a cliche but sometimes you gotta find what makes you happy and just surround yourself in it. A show, movie, music, art, stamp collecting. Whatever makes you, you and can help you find a constructive outlet.
11 days ago, 5:39 AM #6
AgentFink
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I have anxiety disorder and depression.

I take medication. I don't drink as much (if ever). I try to do what makes me happy... I draw, I talk to like minded individuals, garden. Try to avoid the news because it is upsetting. Take walks or exercise. I tried doing it on my own, without medication. It'd work for a while but then I'd drop back into deep depression.

The Medication helps. A LOT.

I still feel emotional about things, I still feel sad, upset... but I rebound much faster and don't linger on events that upset me. My medication actually has allowed me to enjoy the things I used to love. Gardening, birding, just enjoying being. Really. It's done wonders these past few months. I tend to focus and appreciate my little victories over the course of the day. I try say positive things that I like about myself, that I do well, and practice forgiveness if something gets in the way of a goal. I practice mindfullness.

I also talk to a therapist every two weeks. That helps. A LOT.

My insurance is through the state, and it covers everything, thank goodness.
Check to see what insurance is available through your state or what programs your state has.

Get medication, get a therapist... and STAY on it. Don't put it off, trying all this by yourself.
I JUST started taking medication this year. I wish I did it DECADES ago.
11 days ago, 5:44 AM #7
Wrathborne

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defo18: the feminist forums


I got anxiety, clinical depression, ptsd, and other fun things and even I know that this was a bad idea.

Feeling bad and going to reddit or a feminist forum about depression is a cry for help, you gotta stick with your therapist and medication for now. Getting help from reddit is a crap shot, getting help from gender focused groups will end up hurting you more in the long run.

You gotta find out what works for you and from experience, getting the answers online isn't gonna happen. You might find some information online, but answers have a habit of revealing themselves on their own time.
11 days ago, 6:49 AM #8
Chernobog

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I might not be the ideal person to talk about this subject, but so it goes.

Those are not the kind of subreddits one should be perusing if looking to feel better about one's self. They hold deep self conflicting biases to the point of trying replace their own realities, similar to forcing square pegs into triangular holes.

I find when people dwell in the past, for all the rose colored lens, there's little worth revisiting for long.

I'm not diagnosed with depression although I'm believed by a doctor to have low serotonin levels, but regardless, I am a very melancholy bastard by anyone's standards. I'm not sure I even think happiness is even worth achieving for more than a glimmer at a time. In my opinion, happiness may as well be a drug we try to deal to ourselves. It's good to be a little happy from time to time, but I don't think I'd want to stay happy. We always seem to want more and more of it, but it gets harder to hit that high of joyousness. I suspect instead of trying to hit that emotional high of feeling good, we should work more towards trying to feel content with ourselves and what situation we are in or trying to find ourselves approaching. It's more even handed.

I can't tell you how to get your head or emotions in order. But you may need to work towards putting the bottle down, for starters. Alcohol is a depressant and can have erratic effects with some mood affecting medication. As a person, the past will chain you as long as you let it do so. Solving this isn't as easy as flicking a light switch, I know that. But anything worthwhile must be worked for. That was then, this is now. Wallowing will not make anything better. It is not a sin or failure to suffer, it's only an issue when we do not learn or improve ourselves from it.

When I was younger, my emotions swung much harder, and I had a perpetual dark cloud of misery and futility over my head. While everyone might have their own key to dealing with their unique problems regarding such a state of being, I found mine after reading a copy of The Stranger. From there, I learned about the philosophy of stoicism and began to practice the concepts pertaining to it, namely indifference to pain and pleasure in order to regulate my mood and thoughts better. I'm not saying this is necessarily for you, but booze, agenda based forums, and worrying about who you were will not get you out of this.

You must find your path to move forward. If emotions are tearing you apart, then you must be the one to stop giving into them. Doing nothing and sitting in neutral will leave every day exactly the same as the last. And I don't think you want that.
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11 days ago, 7:20 AM #9
The Letter M
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purple pill debate


There's a purple pill?

EDIT
In answer to your question I don't read a bunch of gender obsessed forum rants on reddit, so that may be adding to my happiness.
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11 days ago, 10:16 AM #10
Sheik
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- Self help resources

- This blogger can be a bit condescending and over simplistic but I've found the information useful over the years taking it with a grain of salt: How to rewire your brain for happiness

There's no quick fix but there's a lot of evidence based techniques out there. I would suggest medication because can give you a bit of a boost to work on these techniques.

If you're not already exercising it's a good idea too. Something you enjoy if possible.
11 days ago, 10:30 AM #11
TheStrangerous

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With so much bad news goin' IRL. It's hard to believe in positivity (too good to be true).

But then again, we're unable to be grateful for what we currently have (it could've been worse).

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11 days ago, 11:02 AM #12
Socratatus

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<removed for bait>

To the OP:

Hard to say what he can do in situations like this as everyone is different. If you`re on anti-depressants, keep taking them. By the way life isn`t about being constantly happy. We all will have our ups and downs. Even the happiest of the happy get sad frequently when you can`t see them.

By the way from the forums you`ve looked at is this all over girls? As in you don`t have a girlfriend and would like one?

Don`t validate yourself in women. That will bring on depression because you`re looking to please, not a good idea. that means your moods will swing about only on her whim and that isn`t a good thing. Your heart will be ripped out if she ever felt like doing it. You don`t want that. Be validated only by yourself.

You should NOT be drinking. Try and stop doing that. Try to focusing on what you like to do. Are you an artist, keep arting- that makes me happy. Or do whatever hobby you like, delve deep into that. Go out for walks, I know an old one, but fresh air always makes the body feel better.

Some good news at least from a similar personal case. I had an alcoholoic friend who just sat in the rubbish and drank, feeling down about himself, like you. We tried to help him, after he told us to throw his drinks away if we found any. We tried that- He actually tried to fight us. In the end we just left him to it... We did everything we could and he only got worse. It was hard to do, but we had to walk away.

Then, miraculously, he realised he was losing everything and that Death was near and he just stopped. He just stopped drinking totally. He is now my best friend of quite a few years. He still has a hankering for drink, but he`s much better now. :)

Oh, he also got a girlfriend where before no one would go near him, not that I`m saying you should worry about girls. But if you become positive and not worry then other people will notice.

YOU alone will fix yourself in the end, You want to live because you have a great future ahead of you.
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11 days ago, 11:06 AM #13
Travis

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I just heard about this game yesterday on NPR. I haven't tried it, but it has apparently helped people.
Superbetter.com
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11 days ago, 1:58 PM #14
Sheik
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If you don't mind me asking OP (and you don't have to answer if you don't want) but do you feel like there's any small thing you could implement in the future to help, or are you not really feeling up to it?
11 days ago, 2:02 PM #15
Kyo
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this isn't the thread to complain about how you dislike feminists, folks. please don't bait people into arguments that are just going to derail the thread

e: (mod post)
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11 days ago, 2:16 PM #16
Lutztoons
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Bro I don’t think that going on Reddit to look at incel/redpill forums are helpful. They’re angry places and they encourage people to blame others for their problems. They will send you down a rabbit hole of pain.

Look up “digital self-harm,” which is what psychiatrists are calling the habit of going online to look for negative things about yourself. You might not be specifically looking for mean things about YOU in particular, but you don’t need to go far to find cruel, harsh blanket statements about people with depression, guys who are very emotional, people of a particular skin color or gender, etc. I’ve done it. I’ve gone online and found people on forums talking smack about people in my own walk of life and I felt terrible, yet couldn’t stop. It’s masochistic. “If it hurts, it MUST be true.” Which of course it isn’t.

Being permanently happy isn’t a destination. It’s basically a false state. You see all these platitudes like “choose happy” all the damn time, but you can’t just stay happy because there’s always going to be annoyances and negative situations popping up. Contentment is a much more realistic state, and is more feasible than exuding sunshine and rainbows constantly. When you realize that people gonna think whatever they want no matter what, you can free yourself of these chains. Maybe you won’t be exuding joy, but you can learn how to be okay with yourself instead of sitting in a dark corner wondering when things will get better.

E: I feel obligated to say that you really should not be drinking so heavily. It’s adding to your problems because it’s a central nervous system DEPRESSANT.
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11 days ago, 2:18 PM #17
CrosEL

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I'm depressed a lot, but happiness naturally comes back through the good things in life.
A lot of people want to toss this aside, but... Remembering there's love in the world
always gives me hope, despite what's currently happening to me, someone else ect…

Faith in something better helps alot as does being spiritual.
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11 days ago, 2:45 PM #18
Jean_Q_Citizen

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If you figure it out, tell me.

But seriously, yeah, stay away from the dark corners of the internet. Seek out the kittens and puppies and birds videos and whatnot.
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11 days ago, 2:47 PM #19
MK_Wizard

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Honestly, stop searching for all this rubbish. I did it and it was the best thing ever. Besides, most of it online is fake. People make up stuff to get attention.
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11 days ago, 4:22 PM #20
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clean surroundings, clutter will help cause anxiety and good hygiene habits help both mentally and physically. even if its just one room, itll become a place to clear your head.

structure, hanging on the edge or floating doesn't help depression or anxiety. find control where you can and ground yourself. simple tasks like making the bed every morning turns into minor achievements and getting things resolved can be fulfilling. make lists, make schedules start small and give yourself wiggle room. stick to good promises to yourself. set up a reward system for when you achieve a certain amount. you deserve nice things and sometimes you need to prove it to yourself but it doesn't mean that you don't deserve nice things.

stop the drinking. its a depressant and its not good for you, your condition, your bank account, or your time. you don't have to quit entirely but it sounds like for now you gotta reign that in a whole lot.

avoid reddit and excess social media. its becoming a common situation that internet validation is harming individuals self confidence and the constant negativity is causes a spiraling effect. right now avoid too much news vendors as well.

exercise, go for walks. if you can some where quiet. you can always step up on exercising but just get some sun, air, and your blood flowing.

build mental walls. i've read your posts, you tend to get a little paranoid because you seem to an negative egotistical view point. everyone's got their own thing going on good and bad. don't involve yourself in their drama as best you can. you got your own stuff to be concerned about. part of this is confidence from knowing yourself. this is a lot of work and it helps to having the right therapist to help support you in this endeavor.

medication. it's pretty important. its not to magically "fix" things but it allows a certain amount of just being able to function. most of the work is still on you and this is just to help you get there. like a lifesaver in the middle of a lake, you still gotta swim to shore but its there so when you get tired you won't drown. drinking will effect your medication so really avoid that.

appreciation. there's so much to love and appreciate about little tiny things. a nice compliment, a nice breeze, flower by the road side, bird songs, etc. focus on finding the small victories. write them down.

animals and plants, sometimes its taking care of other things that actually helps you to take care of yourself. some people can cowboy up and think the sun shines for them but sometimes you can get more fulfillment in being apart of another's life. volunteer at shelters or start a small garden.

it can be hard to find the energy to start but when you're depressed everything's hard so just try. keep trying
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