Fun fact: I had this one almost completely done on like, Saturday night, but I just didn't post it? And I don't know why??? I had like two sentences left to write. Oh well!
also i did it in google docs this time. there might be some weird stuff with the links as a result, but i did not have to write it twice and that's what matters hehe!
ANYWAY, without further ado, Superstar Sparky!
Superstar Sparky!
First impressions
I think your profile picture is cute! It’s the cute kind quirky, and it’s got a good energy to it. I think if all I saw was your title and this profile picture, I might click on it to check it out - it seems like the story would be a fun little ride.
The same thing, however, can’t be said for your banner or your comic description, unfortunately. Your description is two sentences, and I can’t say either of those two sentences is particularly compelling. It sounds
very stock - every story begins with “something happens” and “character’s life is changed forever.” I’m not saying you can’t focus on that in your description, but try to think of what makes your story particularly unique and try to throw it in there!
Your banner! Your banner. I have very mixed feelings about your banner. I didn’t like it upon first glance, and I still think it’s much weaker than your profile picture, but it’s starting to grow on me the more I look at it. It’s got a certain charm with the coloring, and I’m not sure if it was intentional or not, but I actually really like how the banner goes outside the frame you created. That said, it’s very messy, which is what turned me off from it initially - your lining is very wonky, like you were pressing down the pen heavy and your hand was shaking. Also, I have no idea what shape the banner (...in the banner… oh boy) is - it kind of just looks like a blob. I love your hand-done coloring style, but it’s pretty wonky in this banner - the color doesn’t quite reach the letters in the flag, and it doesn’t quite look right - it doesn’t look like the quirky kind of messy, it just looks messy.
Actually, most of my issues with your banner revolve around the flag. The background is messy, but it kind of works because it’s meant to be the sky. The problem is that the flag is bright pink and the majority of the banner - it’s what’s in focus, and thus should probably be the highlight. I’d really recommend cleaning it up - make sure the pink is where it needs to be and get a reference of a flag in the air or something!
There’s no favicon, 0/10 comic.
Website’s a stock CF template, not much else to comment on this front other than I
personally don’t particularly like this template, and if you ever get the chance you should make one specifically for your comic. I’m not saying you have to html code, but even maybe just try using the simple layout editor? Just a little something else would make the website look unique and draw me in a little more.
Summary!
Clown does clown things. A duck shows up? He takes off his hat and it’s very uncanny valley. Does the duck give ice cream to Death??? The frog says, “fuck you,” and he eats it. Clown gripes about not being famous. Death disagrees and nopes the hell out, giving vague advice in the process like the mysterious “mentor” always does. He harasses Death, does a shounen and flies.
Art!
http://superstarsparky.thecomicseries.com/comics/3 is the reason I can’t sleep at night. He looks very bizarre without a hat on, but anyway…
It’s a very cute style, on the whole. I think the duck is cute, I think magic-clown-man is cute, and I think the frogs that keep showing up are well drawn. You also have pretty good motion within your drawings - the characters move in a very fun way to watch, so there’s that.
I think a significant portion of your problem is that it is messy messy messy. To the extent I kind of can’t always tell what’s happening, which is kind of a problem. The backgrounds are kind of scribbled, and sometimes your straight up draw things on top of other things - http://superstarsparky.thecomicseries.com/comics/14. Everything feels like I’m looking at your sketches, and that’s kind of a major turn-off for me. The whole thing really needs to be cleaned up, I think - it feels like you could really have something here if you just spend a little more time on the pages, because as it is, it looks very sloppy.
Also, I want to mention this - I think your panelling on the whole is excellent, but I also think on occasion the line of action gets mixed up and I have no idea where I’m meant to look. In particular, your most recent page: http://superstarsparky.thecomicseries.com/comics/15. Between the last two panels, the line of action goes to opposite corners of a page, and I just had no idea where I was meant to look - I actually believe I skipped the second-to-last panel altogether the first time I read it. Also worth noting that the third panel’s line of action actually goes up into the top-right corner - I think this page on the whole was just weak as far as composition is concerned, actually. On the whole, the panelling seems to be good - just try to be aware of the line of action and where your viewer is looking, so my brain isn’t going in circles trying to find where I’m supposed to be looking.
Also, I definitely do want to make a quick note that I think you should probably keep working on anatomy, even if you’re going for a more cartoony style. Sometimes things get discernibly off-model (especially with mr. Clownman Sparky) and Dr. Death-defying looks particularly wonky at times. She suffers from the sloppiness of the linearting the worst - sometimes she kind of turns into a blob - so I think try to be particularly careful with how you draw her in the future.
You are a very imaginative artist - you just need to work on refining a lot of the more technical aspects and I think you’ll really have something here!
Writing
Well… you’ve only got 14 pages here, so I’ll do my best, but it’s kind of hard for me to critique the beginning exposition in a prologue alone, haha!
Full disclosure, I was definitely a little bewildered reading this, but I think that’s what you were going for? It definitely has a lot of charm to it - I can tell you’re having fun writing this, and it’s a very bouncy and energetic feel to it.
That said, I was definitely in a state of mild confusion for most of this. I wasn’t really sure what or why things were happening. Things just kind of happened. There wasn’t a rhyme or reason for it, and I was sort of just left feeling a little lost. I get the idea that’s what you’re going for, so I won’t dig into it too deep, but it’s definitely a little bit confusing and not totally my vibe.
I think you need to be wary not to stress the reader’s suspension of disbelief too hard, even if what you’re going for is silly, nonsensical fun. I was not expecting main character clown man to jump in the air in the middle, and that completely threw me for a loop - I had a hard time taking the rest of the events serious after that, and I don’t mean that in a good way. Just be careful with that going forward - although considering there were only 14 pages, establishing this whimsicalness early is a good move!
Overall, I don’t really have much else to add, because you only have 14 pages and I can’t judge anything other than very surface level stuff with that, haha. :^)
SICK JAMS
Your entire comic screamed electroswing to me, but I tried to vary it up anyway, haha.
Final Thoughts:
Your comic is pretty short, and I believe I saw that you had some other people review it already? While I didn't read the critiques, I wouldn't be surprised if I either repeated them or even contradicted them, haha. There's only fourteen pages, so I'm not sure if there was a ton to be said!
Despite that, I can tell you are having a ton of fun with the comic. You definitely have areas to improve on, but I think this could end up being a fun, bouncy adventure at the end of it. Your passion behind the project is what's going to push this to greater levels, so just keep working! I look forward to seeing where you go from here.
EDIT: WAIT I HAD ONE MORE THING TO ADD ON THE WEBSITE
Don't have your banner take us to the archive page!! People are lazy and might click off if that happens!! Don't have extra clicking involved - have it take them to either the first or most recent page.
