Forum > Critique > I'll make you a sandwich.
Pages: 1 2 3 4
"I'll make you a sandwich.", 2nd Sep 2020, 9:46 PM #1
🚿
User avatar
You've probably heard the "critique sandwich" format before, where you deliver critical feedback between positive observations.

Well, this ain't it.

Here's the sandwich you'll be getting from me.

Top bun: What I think your comic's immediate "hook" is.
Filling: What I actually get out of the comic upon reading it.
Bottom bun: What, upon finishing it, would make me come back for more.

This is all subjective, obviously. My opinion isn't going to reflect that of every single reader out there, so if you don't like my cooking, feel free to toss it in the trash.

Seating open for a table of 7. Who's hungry?

***EDIT*** Final table is full.
_______________________
image
image
2nd Sep 2020, 9:48 PM #2
User avatar
Ok, make me a sandwich, my body is ready
_______________________
2nd Sep 2020, 10:14 PM #3
User avatar
Could I get one? (Only if it's easy to do without going back to reread!)
_______________________
chipmunks plunge under my gappy chicken wire
and climb up to chomp fat fruits
imagecow teamimage
image
2nd Sep 2020, 10:16 PM #4
User avatar
One sandwich please :3c
_______________________
3rd Sep 2020, 12:30 AM #5
User avatar
I would like one.
_______________________
image

Vote for the best waterfowl!
Avatar drawn by RealXove
3rd Sep 2020, 12:57 AM #6
User avatar
Ok, fellow Magical Girl author, I'll take you up on that offer!


image
3rd Sep 2020, 8:28 AM #7
User avatar
I'd love a sandwich!
_______________________


image
3rd Sep 2020, 9:00 AM #8
User avatar
Yay me too please!
_______________________
image
3rd Sep 2020, 7:19 PM #9
🚿
User avatar
Alright, first sandwich is for Sir Power.

Top bun: Is...is he shaped like Dickbutt? Aaaand his horse is literally Bunchie. This is a meme comic, I guess.

Filling: The profile description doesn't lie. What we have here is an irreverent fourth-wall-breaking fantasy adventure. Toss in a heavy dose of referential humor, sight gags, and anticlimax jokes, and stir vigorously until fully poached. What, where was I going with this? I don't know and sometimes I'm not sure the comic does, either. But there's usually an amusing moment even when the writing direction is, uh. Author? You there? What was the plot again? Oh, right. Sir Power's in charge of that now. God help us all.

(Also, kudos on experimenting with your art style. Keep working at that. Visual humor is clearly something you like doing, so keep working on polishing your art. It'll give the sight gags and action more oomph.)

Bottom bun: Sir Power is a genuinely amusing character. He's ridiculously OP, but his personality is strangely down-to-earth to the point that it comes off as...quirky? The fact that being
is barely a mild inconvenience for him is a good example of that. It all amounts to be a bit of goofy fun that doesn't take itself all that seriously.
_______________________
image
image
3rd Sep 2020, 7:25 PM #10
User avatar
Heh, thanks for the critique, it's true that most of the time I'm doing things blindly, but hey as long as it works and I have fun with it, it's good for me
_______________________
3rd Sep 2020, 9:59 PM #11
🚿
User avatar
Up next is Loud Era. I just recently read this comic, so this is an easy one for me.

Top bun: Frankly, you had me at page one. The guy's expression, the cane, the...reading material, the letter next to the bed. My immediate thought was "Well, here's a guy who has Problems(TM). I wonder what his story is."

Filling: As it turns out, I was wrong. This comic isn't about a guy with Problems(TM). This comic is about many people with Problems(TM), some self-inflicted, some inflicted by the people around them, and some just awful, awful luck.

But mostly it's self inflicted. The characters' decisions, good or bad, are what drives the story and there's a constant overlap of each character experiencing their own personal crises (tempered with the occasional heartwarming moment), sharing more than enough similarities to draw parallels between arcs while each still retains its own identity. Also, the art. Iss gud.

Bottom bun: What happens next??? I just gotta knoooow! There's a never-ending chain of twists and even when one bit of an arc wraps up, there are like five more I'm dying to see the resolution to.
_______________________
image
image
3rd Sep 2020, 10:42 PM #12
User avatar
Omg this is the most heartening and positive thing ;; I'm so glad to hear that you find character actions drive most of the drama as i was worried I wrote too many things "happening to" people rather than "caused by" people if that makes sense.

Also, the art. Iss gud.

image


Top bun: Frankly, you had me at page one. The guy's expression, the cane, the...reading material,


This really made me laugh XD

Bottom bun: What happens next??? I just gotta knoooow! There's a never-ending chain of twists and even when one bit of an arc wraps up, there are like five more I'm dying to see the resolution to.


heheheheheheeee


Omg thank you so much for this, it was really uplifting and motivating to read ;;;;;
_______________________
chipmunks plunge under my gappy chicken wire
and climb up to chomp fat fruits
imagecow teamimage
image
Two weeks ago, 5:54 PM #13
🚿
User avatar
Incoming sandwich for Cafe on Crepe Island!

Top bun: Holy moley, this art style is so appealing! The chibi characters, pastel color choices, and overall "soft" look the comic has gives me a cozy feeling right off the bat.

Filling: It's not cozy! IT'S NOT COZY!
But, like, in a good way. The cute art style and premise makes you assume this will be a fluffy lil' coffeeshop story with adorably quirky characters, but the writing, while having its share of cute moments, hits heavier than you'd expect. These crepes have a bittersweet filling. Interestingly, the characters don't come off in the best light initially. Candy and Berry's aunt seem overbearing, Berry seems like a weak pushover, and Ginger seems stubbornly spiteful. But the true quality of the writing shows through when, as you delve further in, you see the characters' hidden strengths, concerns, insecurities, and desires. Fluffy this comic is not. It may be sweet, but it has substance.

However, I will note that the fantasy elements threw me for a loop. I'm not certain where you plan to go with that, since the comic itself seems to be more at home exploring the inner lives of its cast than integrating the lore of the setting into the greater narrative. The cafe itself also seems to very much take a backseat in the story, which struck me as odd since it's in the title. Perhaps you plan to do more with that in the future?

Bottom bun: It's aaaall about those characters and watching their layers unpeel bit by bit. Not everything they do exactly endears me to them, but the more I learn, the more intriguing they become.
_______________________
image
image
Two weeks ago, 6:19 PM #14
User avatar
I'd love to have a sandwich... but Tangentville might be too big to tackle and 28mm just started, so it only has two pages posted as of today.

EDIT: D'oh! I came to late to the restaurant anyway...
_______________________
image
image


Two weeks ago, 7:16 PM #15
User avatar
Thank you, this sandwich was scrumptious, my compliments to the chef!

melaredblu:However, I will note that the fantasy elements threw me for a loop. I'm not certain where you plan to go with that, since the comic itself seems to be more at home exploring the inner lives of its cast than integrating the lore of the setting into the greater narrative. The cafe itself also seems to very much take a backseat in the story, which struck me as odd since it's in the title. Perhaps you plan to do more with that in the future?

The only thing I can say is, its all for the greater narrative! Also the title, just like the story, means something different than what you'd initially think ;D
_______________________
Two weeks ago, 7:42 PM #16
User avatar
am I late to the sandwich party? If im not, then I'd like a sandwich! =^^=
Two weeks ago, 11:33 PM #17
User avatar
Every time I see this thread I get hella hungry haha.

Will you take more orders in the future? I would like a sandwich too :D
_______________________
Two weeks ago, 11:39 PM #18
🚿
User avatar
I'm open to that, but I'm not taking new orders until I finish Table 7. I still have a couple comics to read, let alone write a review for.
_______________________
image
image
13 days ago, 12:04 AM #19
User avatar
I'm interested. Can I hear your take on Tsokaka and Bazooka girl?
_______________________
13 days ago, 12:29 AM #20
🚿
User avatar
Speaking of, Superstar Sparky, your sandwich is ready!

Top bun: Apparently this is a comic about a jester? Usually jesters and clowns in comics are evil or creepy, but this one seems wholesome.

Filling: I hate to come out of the gate with negative feedback, but I think your art could use some work here. It's kind of difficult to tell what's going on a lot of the time. The text helps keep things a little on track, but you really want to have your art and writing work together.

Once I got past that, though, I have to say the writing has quite a bit of intrigue. The main character is happy-go-lucky, sure, but the world he exists in is terribly cruel. I especially appreciate that the antagonist is quite sympathetic and doesn't really come across as evil or even mean. Her decrees sound like the work of a deranged tyrant, yet the girl herself is nothing more than a child so used to neglect and manipulation that she can't begin to understand the impact her actions have. She's merely acting as her upbringing has made her believe makes sense. There's certainly a very stark contrast between her and the free-spirited Sparky, a contrast I sense you had set up intentionally. Sparky is certainly the kind of person she needs in her life, but it won't be easy at all for him to get through to her.

Bottom bun: Snowcone is a very engaging antagonist and it'll be interesting to see what route the story will take to stop her. Because clearly, the child needs to be stopped--but surely violence need not be the only option?
_______________________
image
image
Forum > Critique > I'll make you a sandwich.
Pages: 1 2 3 4