Forum > Critique > I'll make you a sandwich.
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12 days ago, 8:07 PM #41
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One pickle-free sandwich for Weird in a Can!

Top bun: Looks like what we have here is a highschool-centric comedy with an ensemble cast and a dollop of sci-fi.

Filling: I can certainly say that the title is fitting. The very first page opens up a can of weird on you. Is that guy being punched by his own shadow literal? Metaphorical? Both? Who knows?

But then the story actually begins. The A plot for this arc involves a teen genius type character sending his buddy on a mishap-laden teleporter journey, while the B plot involves a girl trying to get in with the popular girls, whose attempts to undermine her blow up in their faces like so many ACME contraptions. Somewhere along the line, things (literally) blow up and the school manages to pick up a random island hobo who won't go away.

And that's just the first chapter.

Along with some solid one-shot gags, the comic runs on the A plot/B plot format for most of its arcs, to great effect. While one character is coming to terms with her boyfriend being a secret superhero, you have another character gain some legendary static building from eating a lightbulb. Which one do I want to see resolved more? I don't know! They're both, well, weird! And on and on it goes. Adventures through disco space. Class club mutiny. A hilariously convoluted mixup of homework and a salacious love letter. Holiday specials that frankly might as well be canon because nothing in them can outweird the already weird.

One thing I really like about the humor is that, as random as it is, it usually works in a greater context. It'll tie back in later somehow or escalate into something bigger. For a comic that's all about being "out there," it still retains an internal logic so that the punchlines hit home.

Bottom bun: I gotta hand it to ya, this comic got an actual, literal laugh out of me more than once. It's a fun read.
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12 days ago, 11:32 PM #42
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The speed with which you are cranking these out is amazingly impressive
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11 days ago, 12:57 AM #43
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I used to write webcomic reviews all the time, until I got a full-time job and kinda burned out. But work's been slow this year, and it's kind of fun to write reviews again, especially since this format is fairly short and sweet.
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11 days ago, 10:41 PM #44
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Next up is Road to Kerridon!

Top bun: Adventure/fantasy with an ensemble cast of characters who have different yet overlapping goals. Interestingly, almost everyone is in pairs, so there are established character dynamics right away.

Filling: This one starts with a prologue. Using a ballad as a framing device, we see the main characters introduced and within a couple pages each, their main motivations are summed up. Some stories are happy, some tragic, some just plain mysterious. How will they connect?

Following the prologue, we start with Takeshi and Gale, who have joined forces, investigating a natural disaster, of which there have been many in recent months. One of the regions subject to the flooding is home to recent graduates Keiyo and Satsuki, who have aspirations of traveling far from home on a journey of self discovery. A journey that not all of their family is initially on board with. And even when they do embark, things go far from smoothly, as they're accosted by a thief and Takeshi and Gale must come to their aid. Meanwhile, other fringes of the story are coalescing, gathering morsels of mystery and tension...

There is certainly a sense of intrigue here. Many details of the characters' lives between now and the prologue remain obscured, prompting the audience to question how it all fits together, how they ended up where they are, and where they will go from here. Also, I rather like the choice of coloring style, keeping most details monochromatic while brightly coloring certain features of the main cast to make them stand out. It makes them easy to recognize and give the pages some pop.

Bottom bun: While Keiyo and Satsuki are the main group the story follows so far, there is definitely a web of connections being knit together. Will everyone meet eventually? Will they form a party? Will they even all be on the same side? Read on and find out.
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10 days ago, 11:03 AM #45
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I'll have to keep an eye and see when there's more slots. Ignotus is pretty early on though so there mightn't be a lot of meat to the sandwich :/
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10 days ago, 8:58 PM #46
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melaredblu:Next up is Road to Kerridon! [links to be added later]

Thanks so much for the sandwich! :D
I'm so glad to hear that I've been able to build up a bit of intrigue heh heh
And glad you liked the colour style! I always worry about that a lot
Thanks again, it was fun to read your review! :D
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9 days ago, 12:18 AM #47
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A Novice Mistake is up next.

Top bun: The art is what catches my eyes right away. Good use of screentones and a nice, clean presentation. It looks like professional quality art.

Filling: Another comic that's still in the middle of its opening arc. Well, looks like I'll be giving you a summary of what I observe, then.

So we have a young novice adventurer seeking a low-ranking job in an unfamiliar town. In a fit of awkwardness, our protagonist grabs a very much not low-ranking job and out of sheer defiance goes for it anyway when a Pretty Boy stranger calls him (and he really, really insists you know he's a guy) out on it.

Mr. Pretty Boy, as it turns out, is quite the stalker, and a bit, uh...harass-y, and, um, a coughapunchablysmugsonofaguncough.

Sorry. Allergies.

Anyway, he follows the novice adventurer, who turns out to have access to magical powers only demons are known to have. When even that power proves too little to complete the mission, Mr. Pretty Boy steps forward...

Once again, I love the art. Maye not so much the running gag of Mr. Pretty Boy harassing the protag, though. But your mileage may vary on whether you find those things funny, so count that part of my own personal flavor preferences if you wish. Either way, you have a good momentum going so far, so keep it up!

Bottom bun: Darn cliffhangers! Get back here and show me what Mr. Pretty Boy can do, darn it!
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9 days ago, 2:23 AM #48
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Thank you so much for the kind words, man! I'm glad you dig it!
In fact, this critique came at a great time, since I'm struggling on figuring out how to write an upcoming chapter, and this rundown inspired me by reminding me of why I do this, and I suddenly got ideas to move past my block a bit.

melaredblu:
One thing I really like about the humor is that, as random as it is, it usually works in a greater context. It'll tie back in later somehow or escalate into something bigger. For a comic that's all about being "out there," it still retains an internal logic so that the punchlines hit home.

I really appreciated this paragraph. I've gotten a critique in the past that implied that my gags are of the "lol randum"/shitposting flavor, but I don't think they are. At least they're not supposed to be. I try to put thought into the plot, pacing, and punchlines (sometimes too much). So, I'm very glad that you "get" it.

melaredblu:Holiday specials that frankly might as well be canon because nothing in them can outweird the already weird.

Rest assured, they're canon. They just haven't happened YET.

melaredblu:
Bottom bun: I gotta hand it to ya, this comic got an actual, literal laugh out of me more than once. It's a fun read.

I take back what I said. THIS is my favorite part of the critique. If I can make someone laugh intentionally, then, well...that's what it's all about!

Thanks again!
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9 days ago, 3:57 AM #49
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It makes me very happy to hear that my feedback helped you get past a bit of writers' block! Back when I used to write reviews regularly, hearing that what I wrote was helpful to the person requesting feedback was always the best thing to hear. Keep at it, man.
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9 days ago, 4:40 PM #50
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Footlong sandwich for NIL; Canticum Bellum.

Top bun: The art, man. It's just so good, and it somehow gets better as it goes. The story takes a while to sink in, but the art is captivating right away.

Filling: Let me start by addressing the format. This is a panel-per-update comic, so those prone to archive panic should note that, while the comic is long, it's a faster read than you would expect. I personally recommend reading this in infinite scroll mode. Not only does it cut down on page loading time, but it allows the reader to appreciate the small changes between panels, because the artist often uses the same compositions with minor changes to convey a certain feeling, show a passage of time, or showcase some mesmerizing abstract imagery.

Speaking of the art, as I've said, it's really good. The characters are photorealistic and, at times, the art becomes so realistic that I'm not wholly unconvinced that the artist isn't using a photograph. But realism isn't the main draw. The comic uses a very interesting pace of one panel per page, often with a lot of negative space. The result is somehow otherworldly, like a radioactive glow eclipsing the characters, which is fitting to the premise. But not all negative space is bright--some is dark and suffocating, and other times suffuse with hypnotic colors and indescribable chaos. Combine that with some well-choreographed action, genuinely horrifying imagery, and powerful facial expressions. Man, you really know what you're doing.

And what of the story? Now, most of the time, when I review a webcomic, I read it at least twice, because I'll usually get something wrong or overlook a detail on the first read. I'm only pointing this out to say, yes, I did read the whole thing. And I actually found it to be a good story, well-written and fascinating. But it's a lot to take in, so if I remembered something incorrectly--sorry. I'm just conveying what my feeble brain is picking up.

The main character is Jamie, a young man with psychic foresight he can't quite control. He's managed to fly under the radar for some time, despite global government entities seemingly seeking out people and things attuned to his kind of metaphysical powers. The source of this power? A mysterious element from the depths of space, dangerous to humans and yet capable of empowering them in ways that at once crumbles the foundations of our perceptions while building bridges to deeper realities that the human mind can only barely grasp. This cosmic power alters not only minds, but has the ability to create matter from seemingly nowhere. It's no wonder the world's ruling powers covet this material--its potential is without limit.

But as for Jamie, his journey begins when he meets a dog uplifted by this same cosmic power, and falls into a group of other humans like him. Blinding speed. Rage-fueled strength. Manipulating the mind itself. This small group is on a mission, and with their reality-bending powers, it should be easy, right...?

Oh, if only the human mind were so ironclad. This, in my opinion, is my favorite thing about the writing. There's a strong theme of mental strain, showing both the fragility and the persistence of the mind. Sometimes the characters are pushed beyond their limits, and sometimes they, themselves, push past the limits they impose upon themselves. For a story that is full of the cosmic, the alien, and the incomprehensible, it still feels very human under all that radioactive glow.

Hopefully it's understandable why this review had to be longer than most in this thread. There's a lot to cover, and I've really only scratched the surface. But all the things I've mentioned are what stands out most to me.

Bottom bun: Man, just putting together the full picture is a journey. Forget coming back for more, I'd have to come back to another read, because this is the kind of story that needs to be read more than once for it all to sink in. Lovers of longer, more complex comics should for sure check this one out.
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9 days ago, 6:35 PM #51
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I am so incredibly grateful that I decided to ask for a review. Sometimes it's so nice to read something so well written, something that really does reassure me that my work is worth doing. Glad you enjoyed it, and if I may, I want to reveal to you that this is chapter two of seven... of book one. So, there is much left to see. Goodspeed.
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9 days ago, 8:51 PM #52
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Final sandwich for Table 7. It's time for The Caretaker!

Top bun: A guy desperate for money accepts a job from a mysterious man to serve as a caretaker for his mansion full of dangerous supernatural horrors. That's a premise that immediately piques my curiosity.

Filling: What the profile describes is precisely what you get. But, as always, premise is only a hook, the real question is how well it sticks the execution.

I'd say it does so quite well. This comic is full of spooky, dangerous cryptids, some interpreted in creative ways to merge their folkloric roots with the modern, urban world our protagonist, Simon, lives in. And boy, is Simon in serious trouble. Being chased by dangerous creatures and mimics is a momentary terror he adapts to surprisingly fast (maybe even a little too fast, but it seems parts of the story are being told in anachronic order, so that could be intentional). Between his health problems, the mob aggressively coming to collect on his debt, and a major phobia, it seems the cryptids are merely his most frightful problem, rather than his worst.

But hey, at least the job pays well. And at least he has a friend to show him the ropes. Let's hope he lasts longer than the last caretaker...

As a final note, I like the art overall. Something about the palette, often dominated with heavy blacks, and the scratchy textures provides an icy atmosphere. However, the monsters and humans alike tend to look stiff. Work on your dynamics a bit to give the chase scenes more oomph.

Bottom bun: This comic, like the house it selects as its primary setting, always has a sense of something eerie and mysterious lurking just past the corner of your eyes.

EDIT: I want to point out that I may have been wrong about the anachronic order. Instead, there might be a problem with your code or something. What I encountered is that when I tried to click the image on this page to get to the next page, it instead takes me to this page. I read your comic on two difference devices, so I think this problem might be visible to readers other than me. I suggest you investigate to see why this might be happening.
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9 days ago, 9:50 PM #53
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thank you. ;u;

melaredblu:

EDIT: I want to point out that I may have been wrong about the anachronic order. Instead, there might be a problem with your code or something. What I encountered is that when I tried to click the image on this page to get to the next page, it instead takes me to this page. I read your comic on two difference devices, so I think this problem might be visible to readers other than me. I suggest you investigate to see why this might be happening.


oh it does it for me too, that's extremely weird. <.<

edit: okay, pretty sure its fixed. i knew the issue right away. (before kyo reset the times for comics to line up) i noticed my pages were super off, days and hours. i prided myself in having a solid schedule of releasing fridays at 9AM. so for the whole series i set it to the same date and time. which horribly scrambled the order. i went though partially fixing it by having the same date, but adding a min per page for them to line up. but the dates still lined up between chapters so it auto skipped to the next same date in the next chapter. i readjusted all dates to match the releases on my other sites and no skipping seems to occur anymore. =]
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8 days ago, 3:40 AM #54
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Ah, glad that problem was easy to fix.
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8 days ago, 3:50 AM #55
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due to the changes, i think they broke all your links. sorry about dat. :v
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8 days ago, 4:05 PM #56
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I think I've got 7 more in me before it's time to close the kitchen for good. Get your seat at Table 7 while you can, because this is the final course.
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8 days ago, 4:13 PM #57
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i'd be much obliged if you took a look at mine!
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8 days ago, 4:19 PM #58
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Count me in for one with mustard if there's still room!
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8 days ago, 7:11 PM #59
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Meeeeeeeeee.

I'm pretty hungry for a sandwich.
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8 days ago, 7:36 PM #60
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I'd like a sandwitch! Please no mayo, though XD.
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Forum > Critique > I'll make you a sandwich.
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