Forum > Critique > Looking for Critique after year of posting
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"Looking for Critique after year of posting", 9 days ago, 8:43 PM #1
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So My magic Grandpa has been out for a year now, and is still in the process of introducing a few things before it really kicks in to what I consider 'Adventure Mode', where the stakes are higher and we really dive in to the world.
The first couple of chapters introduces the kind of world we're in, followed by a few chapters that help set up the adventures to make more sense (Having a doppleganger so the main character can leave without it being noticed) and the current chapter is more for exposition to understand the other main character better, that being Coach.

Overall the series has so far been more slice of life than adventure, and I suppose slice of life is an ongoing element when setting up different events. My main concern here is making sure everything is interesting, even if it's just having a long conversation I want those conversations to be engaging for the readers, and for the characters' personalities and dynamic to really hold that all together.
Personally I'm a little disappointed that it's taken a whole year and I still haven't really gotten to the juicier events yet, but I've been dealing with this comic as it's been created so I don't get to really see it as someone who can read it all in one go, so it's hard to judge what the actual pacing is like.
I just mainly want to know, how is my pacing? How are the main characters holding up? What are the strong points of the comic? Are there any flaws that stick out? Things that could be improved on? Expectations for the future of the story? I'm fine with negative criticism as long as it's constructive and not just insults but I'm sure people here know how to fairly critique someone. Any input is appreciated.
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6 days ago, 2:59 PM #2
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The conversation with Grim Repose and the boy in the beginning was wonderful. I loved how 'Death' could change shapes, and the shapes it took-- stag, crow, an old train conductor-- are ones you see death depicted as in other works. The whole sequence reminded me a lot of Over the Garden Wall with the Beast and the Old Train being a gate to the Unknown, the seventh HP book where Harry's in limbo between life and death, and the train in Spirited Away, which used to go two ways but now only goes one.

Dust bunnies being living creatures is adorable and makes total sense too, since dust and dirt seem to breed if you leave them alone too long, Coach having a magical golf club is random and hilarious (although I have this strange feeling it isn't quite as random as it first appears) and the whole story line about the changelings, and the village girl and the fire salamander was pretty cool too. Wonder if Suzie's on her way to becoming a nature witch/spirit or something. She seems to like plants. I'm betting that... er... cannibal plant is going to be important later on. Is it called that because it eats other plants?

Style wise, I like how Suzie and Coach look subtly similar (and I don't mean just the cotton-candy hair either), and the cartoony style with pastel colours fits the comic well. And the early scenery panels in particular are really good! The story seems off to a good start imo, although the chapters/ story arcs are pretty short (and strangely rushed sometimes?) and so far I don't have much of a clue on where the plot is headed.
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3 days ago, 6:05 PM #3
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I do agree that things can be a bit rushed, it's because I have so much to tell and not enough time to spare to tell it. I try to keep to a strict 24-30 pages per chapter, 1-4 chapters per 'episode' max, so I end up having to cut a lot of stuff out that I wish I could show. I don't really know how to fix this because as-is the story updating 3 days a week could take at least 15 years to tell when I do the math for it. I'm pretty stubborn about making this a big series. Maybe I'll get better at the pacing the more I work on it...
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2 days ago, 4:29 PM #4
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I just read the whole comic, so I'll give you my critique at best of my skills:

Drawings: I like them, but apart from this I can't really give a judgement.

Story: overall I like the plot, but it seems to me Suzie has too few action and has no stakes in what is happening. This perhaps will change later, but I see it a flaw of the story: the Grandpa seems the real protagonist of the story, but he is too perfect and super powered, whereas we see the story from Suzie's more relatable point of view, but she does nothing and chooses nothing, she just follows Gramps.

Pacing: The story felt to me as a collection of separate short stories rather than a single long form one, however this isn't necessarily a bad thing.
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2 days ago, 4:32 PM #5
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I'll take a read after work and edit this with my thoughts!

E- you has many pages. It may take longer than an afternoon to read. I'll get back to you when I've read the whole thing! <3
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2 days ago, 5:05 PM #6
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marcorossi:I just read the whole comic, so I'll give you my critique at best of my skills:

Drawings: I like them, but apart from this I can't really give a judgement.

Story: overall I like the plot, but it seems to me Suzie has too few action and has no stakes in what is happening. This perhaps will change later, but I see it a flaw of the story: the Grandpa seems the real protagonist of the story, but he is too perfect and super powered, whereas we see the story from Suzie's more relatable point of view, but she does nothing and chooses nothing, she just follows Gramps.

Pacing: The story felt to me as a collection of separate short stories rather than a single long form one, however this isn't necessarily a bad thing.


Yeah stakes start out really low, but they'll be picking up in the next chapters for sure. I felt if there were stakes too early, Suzie might not take the risk and needs to at least get somewhat used to the fact that the world isn't what it seemed to be. Suzie will also become more active and independent, too, and will have different problem solving skills than Coach. So, at least I know I'm heading in the right direction here.

As for being like separate short stories, that was intentional. It's a bit like Steven Universe or Hilda where episodes are stand alone, but consistent in a linear timeline. The episodes aren't really labelled as such since they're a collection of 1-3 chapters each. So for now we had the 2 chapter intro, and the three chapter episode to establish how she gets a doppelganger, and the beach episode which is just 1 chapter to allow her to slow down enough to get to know Coach better.

I had been worried it's been a little too slow at getting to the really good stuff though, a whole year to get introductions out, oof. But hopefully people will enjoy how it picks up.

It might be like, 60% slice of life, 40% adventure in all honesty, and 'adventure' so far has just been a rather small conflict.
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Yesterday, 4:34 AM #7
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OKIES I just finished it!


Lets start off with comments about the art:


I really like the art, it's pretty clear what's going on and while there are some elements that get a tad repetitive- it's never boring to look at. I don't find myself skipping pages.

The only criticism I might give on your choice of aesthetic is that for me personally, the magical wonders don't contrast enough with the normal world. So that perspective of "WHAT'S HAPPENING IS CRAZY DIFFERENT THAN REAL LIFE" doesn't really cross my mind beyond dialogue bubbles. It all looks like it belongs in the same world.

But that's a personal preference!


Now for the story:

The beginning is kind of a mess, it feels like it's trying to do and explain a lot all at once. And while I do appreciate telling the story out of order- that works better if you remain on one period of time for longer. Otherwise there isn't much point in telling the story out of order.

I'm pretty sure that the story about the little boy running away from home was Grandpa's story? If so I think you should have saved that one for way later. Grandpa is a mysterious anomaly, the less we know about him the better.

Also when you're introducing a repeating plot like in Dr. Who or Spiderman, the first adventure is incredibly important. People remember when Uncle Ben died, people make multiple adaptations of Uncle Ben dying. Origin stories gotta be done right. Suzi's first adventure with her teacher was super rushed. At the point Grandpa intervened, it still felt like Suzi was in relatively low danger and when the situation was resolved so very quickly it left me wondering why that interaction was so important that he revealed himself to her. How did that make the situation worse than the bullies he had sneakily dealt with before? (And then when it seemed to indicate that if left alone, Suzi's seal would have caused her to think it was just her imagination I really don't get what the big deal was at all.)

My thought would be that perhaps if that interaction had caused her seal to break accidentally, and maybe we got to see more of what she was exactly in danger of it would have carried a bit more weight.

But don't sweat it- most people's beginnings are messy. That's why a lot of people get trapped in reboot land.
It's just part of webcomics as a media, most people don't refine the final product they just dive in and start posting and figure out the missing pieces later.


Once we get knee deep into Chapter 1 and Chapter 2 begins I can tell you've gotten a better handle on everything. It feels like I'm watching a cartoon show and the pacing on the adventures unravels quite nicely and I honestly think you have an excellent grip on the story. You have a really nice balance between comedic moments and more serious tones without giving people whiplash.


When it comes to your main cast, I really like Grandpa Coach but sometimes he seems to solve things too easily. I wouldn't worry about that too much, but I would use that to set the stage for later scenarios. You've clued us in that he's often in control of the situation. The more he sweats, the more we sweat. We want to sweat during this kind of adventure.

Suzi will need some character development, right now she's dancing around the edge of being obnoxious. I get her role is to be "WHAT IS GOING ON?" but sometimes she repeats her Grandpa too often. I can already see she's being more independent and spending less time questioning what's in front of her so I'm sure you've got more plans for her.

Overall I really enjoyed your comic! I'm definitely subb'd and I'm excited to see where you take the story!
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Yesterday, 5:37 PM #8
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Oh no, William is a different character entirely from Coach. The Reaper's Cabin isn't really meant to be a part of the main comic, it's just a bonus story that was released to show the world more between the pilot and the launch, just so people could be familiar with how Death is in this universe. It DOES take place in the past, but it's meant to be standalone for the most part and while the boy will be a character later on, it won't be required to read The Reaper's Cabin to really understand what's going on with him. You can see in the end of the short story that The Reaper's Cabin is a physical book in that world, so it can be assumed it was either fiction or someone writing a true account of what happened to them.

So the story IS in order, it just had a bonus side story while we were waiting for the main comic to release.

But I do agree on the beginning, in hindsight I wish I made it more of an an adventure and less show and tell. I had been planning the comic for over a year but I got the idea in my head that I need to introduce first, adventure later, and that was probably a mistake.

I'm glad the rest is okay though, Coach and Suzie will definitely be developing more, Coach certainly has his flaws where Suzie has strengths to make up for it but she does begin to get a handle on things better and starts to participate more instead of just following. I feel this year will produce better stories for sure.

Thanks for the critique! It gives me more to think about for the future episodes.
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Forum > Critique > Looking for Critique after year of posting
Pages: 1